My Unborn Dream

Dreaming of the sweet breath of baby yet to be.

I wait with bated breath
A sigh upon the whispering breeze
Lifting a tiny seed of hope.
You are cradled inside me
Nestled between my heart and desire.
A longing to feel, to breathe, to taste, to smell...
Your heartbeat thudding in my breast.
A mirage of vaporing tendrils
Wavering in the muted distance
Misty smoke visions unyet seen.
I bear the weight of your siren call
Beckoning with your imagined baby blues.
A ghost of things to be
My unborn dream.

Author's Note

feel free

Reviews

[A. Amos]

Simply splendid, enjoyed the read and thanks for sharing

[David Michael]

So I like this more and more as I read on. It starts somewhat weak, with a huge cliche ("wait with bated breath"), and continues with some weakness. But then you get great imagery like "Nestled between my heart and desire" and "A mirage of vaporing tendrils". Cool ideas like "Your heartbeat thudding in my breast" and "the weight of your siren call" are also of note. All in all, it's quite good, could use a little more punctuation in places, and the first few lines should be strengthened - and then a winner!

[Allen Smuckler]

Certainly a heartfelt and poignant write Kat...
Beautiful images and .....metaphors with a purpose...
You allow the reader to truly experience what it must feel like to carry a human being in our bodies, our souls...and our hearts ...
thanks for sharing such a moving and personal time of your life....
allen

[Judas Hammer]

Very nice, beautiful thougt you have shared in text

[Luke Ritta]

nice poem...the first line really pulled me in tot he poem.....well done.

[Caitlin Lea]

Wonderful...despite any possible cliches...very powerful emotion here...this really speaks to me.

[Amy Craig Beasley]

Amazing imagery ---

nestled between my heart and desire ---- nice


Who new the call would be weighty -

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

This would have been amazing, had the vocabulary not seemed so used.

But the scope and plot was very genuine and lines like:

1. A mirage of vaporing tendrils
Wavering in the muted distance

Are incredibly fine and gifted.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Pregnancy is the first thought I had, but........an unborn dream fits perfectly also. Wonderful!

[Jibey]

Not sure id this is a metaphor or not - but it works with a beautiful sense of the the wonder of pregnancy... Only a woman could have written something so stirring, I think