A Hot Woman Called Sal. Or Katherine. Or Kat.

Sal needs a private eye to get her out of a covert ops mess.

"A Faustus spin-off"

A Hot Woman Called Sal

Or Katherine

Or Kat

 

© Kat Collins 2011

 

Dilly-dally-filly-fally-Sally.

But you can call me Sal.

Last I checked, it was all still kosher down south,

but the name fits me well.

No, I’m not a f*****g transgender, or butch for that matter.

So get that out of your goddamn mind.

 

Filthy pervert.

 

I’m a Hot Woman. Or so I’ve been told. Yield-curves ahead. With the mouth of a Marine. F*****g sailors. I should’ve stopped with the first one. But he was too delicious, so I followed with another…and then another…until I was drowning in a sea of ‘blues’. And red. Blood red. Sweet, coursing, fist-pumping, clotted-cream thick blood…

 

Damn, I need another cigarette.

 

Anyways. Moving on. I needed a P.I. Not just any tom-dick-or-harry, but a private eye. I was stuck. A new position for me. Normally, I can slither in and out of any copulating mess I get myself into, but this time - it didn’t work.

 

I worked myself into a lather, worried I might be found out. Masquerading - a charade - impersonating a woman. A Hot Woman. Not hard to do since I already fit the bill, but difficult under the circumstances. Keeping those fangs concealed can be a problem sometimes. See, the CIVA, Clandestine Intelligence Vampire Agency - those f*****g shitheads - left me high and dry. Washed their squeaky clean b*****d hands when an infiltrator so dark, the whole damn world is black, screwed up. Fucked up. Yea, I fucked up. What the hell do you care? As you sit on your high-and-mighty throne spouting your senseless diatribes at me and my comrades-in-arms. We do your dirty work so your lily white a*s still sparkles. And when one of us f***s up? The whole shitload comes down from the top pointing fingers at yours truly. String me up by my toenails and leave me swinging in the wind. A piñata for your stupidity.

 

My name is Collins.

Katherine Collins.

But you can call me Kat.

Apparently, I like one-syllable monikers. Fits me well.

Undercover, CIVA, covert ops, but I’m on my own with this one. No safety net, no cover-up, no one to do the bait-and-switch. Just me.

 

And my soon-to-be private eye. Fewstis? No, Faustus. But I’ll play my part well. I’m the predator, the slink, the curvy she-woman who chews and spits out her prey. Sucks them dry. He won’t know what hit him.

 

Hmmmm…curve-hugging trench. Check. Lacy brassiere. Check. Herve Leger bandage dress. Check. Black patent stilettos. Check. Push the girls north and tie the trench snug. Gotta make sure the red lace is peeking. I think my f*****g b***s are going to whack me in my chin as I walk. Perfect. He won’t know what hit him.

 

Come to me, my sweet little Faustus - f*****g private eye.

Author's Note

Inspired by dear old Faustus. Thanks, EMF....Faustus....Chris

Reviews

[Jeremy Baker]

Intriguing ... and now I'll have to wait for the next installment, right? =)

[Chris]

Still chuckling... and you KNOW it too...

[I am Nelly]

I'm hoping you're going to let us know what happens next, and that the Boss doesn't get too damaged

[Stef Outsiders]

We do your dirty work so your lily white a*s still sparkles!! Classic! Damn you are bad! Faustus is eating his heart on a plate... I feel sorry for him... better find him a bib!!
F**king awesome!!

[Liza]

loved it, i can tell EMF touches when i see them

only thing that didn't convince is me "I’m a Hot Woman. Or so I’ve been told."
Usually hot women don't need to say that lol

[Chris Taylor]

Totally cool piece here. I love the staccato rhythm of it and the way it seemed so 1920's in it's style and flow. A great job here.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

I love it!!!!!!!!!!

[Larry Dyson]

just a mite different but of the same ....vein?

[Eagle Cruagh]

Would not have bet any money on you,
but you take the prize.
EMF sure has uncorked a critical mass
in the vernacular.
Great, interesting, disgusting kind of
stuff---- plain makes me jealous.
----- Eagle Cruagh

[LadyKarissa]

Interest story or poem Kat. Lucie