The Journey of Fibromyalgia

A very small peek at what living with Fibromylagia is like."

I'm tired.

So...incredibly....tired....

Exhausted, if you will.

Whipped before I even start,

But the day must begin.

 

Aching claws, cramping appendages,

A chore to even stand.

Hunched like an old hag,

Working upward bit by bit.

 

Tingling, numbness,

Slow burning muscles spent.

It fades, it burns, it ebbs and flows,

But always a constant companion.

 

Minutes seem like hours,

Especially compared to you.

What takes me one hour,

Takes you ten minutes, from beginning to end.

 

Long days, lived moment by moment,

Giving up precious spoons as I go.

One spoon - brushing my teeth.

Two spoon - getting dressed.

Three spoon - and I haven't even walked out the door.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Ten.

So few to start with,

leaves so little left to live.

Even for just a day.

 

Focusing, concentrating,

Mostly foggy at best.

Cobwebs linger, confusing everything.

You said what? You spoke to me?

Wait. Huh? Crap. I forget.

Tell me again.

Repeat.
Repeat.

Repeat.

 

Did I write it down this time?

Maybe - but the note is missing.

A blank stare is all you'll get,

As I lose my senses.

 

No dancing, no dinner,

No sunny jaunts with friends.

Too much energy it takes,

So little to give at best.

I'm sorry, I can't, I love you, but...

Can't we just sit? And talk? Quietly?

Go without me, I'm spent.

 

Sadness lingers,

Depression beckons,

An old, dark, familiar friend.

Seeping in and curling round,

Cozy as a worn threadbare blanket.

I want, I long, I desire, I need...

Yet, only pieces I taste

Of life passing me by.

 

Poke and prod and prick,

Call me the human pincushion.

Where is your respect?
It went by way of the blood you drew,

How much more can be left?

Vials, vials, vials of red,

Draining to rule out the insipid world.

 

Who knows what's wrong,

It's not this, not that, never was.

Now we know, but still....

How do we treat you?
Pill after pill, one for another,

Dulling each symptom, but never the problem.

 

It doesn't go away.

I can never forget.

It is my bane, my truth, my pet.

I must respect and love it well,

for if not I, then who?

You?

 

Don't take life for granted,

Nor me or us...

Don't waste it all on foolish things,

Only those that matter.

I see it as a blessing,

I've been forced to think about everything I do.

Do you know how much others waste?

Every day, always?

I don't have time for wasted moments,

Precious spoons.

 

A spoon is saved, for those who I love,

To give what little I have.

I choose my time with you.

Author's Note

This is just a snippet, a brief glimpse into the world of living with Fibromylagia. It is a chronic pain disease where the central nervous system does not process pain correctly. It is debilitating and steals you're life from you. I mention spoons in this piece. Go to the website below which is the spoon theory - it describes what living life is like with a chronic pain disease. Good analogy.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

If you want more information about Fibromyalgia, visit:

http://www.fmcpaware.org/

http://www.infobarrel.com/Living_with_Fibromyalgia

Thanks for reading and I hope this helps make you more aware.

Reviews

[Larry Dyson]

My ex wife has it and has had cancer 3 times..each removal makes it worse..it is a hellish disease...she had to just divorce Me to get treatment and I pay her support so she has living money....no pity..just thousands of unused spoons...safe huggs Laury

[Cassiopia Summers]

This is a wonderful snippit into a world only few of us can actually say we feel it. Thank you for sharing an insight into such a long and arduous world.

[Donna Lorenz]

Kat, I have a friend with the same disease. It is very hard for her but she too is a trooper. Hang in there, let go and let GOD.

[Amy Craig Beasley]

my mom has this dis-ease- I am going to see her this weekend and I will read it to her - I know it will touch her - sometimes I do not know what to say - thanks for this to share ~ a

[KAREN]

I feel for anybody with fibromyalgia. Your poem helped me see really how a person's life is with this disease. i hope things get better for you!

[Weaver]

This poem is far more coherent than anything I've ever tried to write on the subject; I get too angry to put the words together. I like the fragmented lines and incomplete sentences - they do a good job of showing how the thought processes are affected by constant pain.

The 'spoon' metaphor never worked for me, but I understand the idea - having to allocate one's personal energy carefully to the activities that are most important, because there's only so much that can be done in a day, and we don't even know how many "spoons' we'll wake up with each morning... (*sigh* I just wish someone would let me have silver or plastic ones instead of steel - don't they know I'm allergic? *weird grin*)

And I normally do not respond to other reviewers, but... What the hell does being overweight have to do with having fibromyalgia?? I've had fibro since I was a young child. When I first reached my full adult height, my BMI was only 14. Is my chronic pain going to be fixed by a 'major weight reduction program' ?

[Steph K]

Love the use of repetition and the didactic nature of the poem. Simply beautiful.

[Carlana J.]

Kat, this is amazing. I have one friend that is suffering from fibromyaligia. Now i believe i understand more of what she is going through. Thank you for that. I didn't realize that poems can be so imfortimitive. I haven't written poems before but since i have been involved in my writing group poems have been first on my list. The spoon analogy confused me, but your comment will make me go on line and read what they have to say about spoons. Thank you so much for sharing yourslef with the public. Wonderful poem!!!

[James Snaith]

I’m sorry to say Kat that I needed to spend some processing this one.

It touched me deeply, and profoundly.

I have a chronic heart condition (congenital) that rules my life, actions – what I can/cannot do. It’s a little over two and half years since the last operation to fix things, and another is close to hand.

The lack of freedom, and having the same life as everyone else…


This is a fantastic piece, one that captures the inner feelings of what it is to have a major health problem, of what it is to face life constantly fraught with problems. I’d hug you if I could for capturing this so well.

[Jeremy Baker]

I don't think I had ever stopped to think about how it must be to live with this insidious disease. You describe it without pathos or pity, just straight forwardly and with poetry. Thank you for sharing this.

[Chris]

most meds slow you further AND you gain weight THEN the metabolism shuts down and more pills and more weight and more pain. Increased weight takes your self-esteem and adds to the pain and increased deteriorization of the body and the mind since you can't rest anymore... and on-and-on

The only options I know that seem to at least help has to do with a major weight reduction program - surgery or other coupled with programed and supervised exercise and well care visits... all of which EATS Insurance. And after all that there is no cure - just minor alleviation... damn - but any alleviation is a good thing after reaching your mind's end.