Drowning

"Depression is a lot like drowning except that you can see everyone else around you breathing fine."

At night as you lay in your bed do you ever slip away for a moment or two and realize that you are a single person on a planet of billions, that out of everything that you could be you are you. I find it incredibly hard to carry this weight. I feel that I am unworthy of the opportunity that I have been given, but I have no idea what I can do about it. I've always said that I'm a lazy person, but now know that lazy isn't the right word. I'm tired. I'm so incredibly tired. It doesn't happen all the time, sometimes I can go outside and run around and be perfectly content, but then the anxiety hits. My greatest fear is failure, but I don't feel like I have the energy to continue. In a world where your worth is tied to your success, it is almost impossible to live up to expectations. When I see the disappointment in my loved one's eyes it feels like I die a little further, that my breath is forced out of my body and I'm struggling to catch it again. I guess the best way to explain it is by saying it's like drowning, except no one can see it so no one will come to help.

Author's Note

This is just something I wrote at 2 a.m. when I should have been sleeping.