Dear Reader : Redemption

***Part two of Dear Reader*** Lily's half brother and lover seek the men who killed her. Their path to redemption is dark and only seems to be getting darker.

'Dear reader,

You don't know me and frankly, that's a good thing. At first glance, I'm your typical bad boy, acting out thanks to being unloved or neglected.

In reality, I was never unloved. My parents were the epitome of the perfect mother and father. I was loved dearly, I wanted for nothing, always getting my own way and never having to work hard for anything.

I shouldn't have been so annoyed by them but alas, I was. I hated the love, the affection, the constant stream of 'I love you's' never failing to grate on me.

They never understood me. I always liked to be alone so why did they always insist on family time that I detested?

By the time I was thirteen, I'd already been arrested and was well known by the police. My parents, being the rich snobs that they were, covered all of it up.

I never got into trouble, which only served in me wanting to cause more mayhem. Even with this, they never gave up on me, never stopped telling me that they loved me.

Why? Why were they so forgiving? I hated it.

In high school, it only worsened. The gang I had joined was notorious and I never said no to anything they asked of me.

Within a year, I was the second in command and feared throughout the town. It was a good feeling. I relished the fear, loved to see grown men tremble whenever I passed by.

Yes, you should be afraid.

I felt nothing. I was numb, nothing bringing me any joy. I'd already accepted the fact I was probably a psychopath but hey, what good did feelings ever do anyway?

I wasn't sorry. I'd knock down women, even those who were years younger than me and not bat an eyelash.

I'd laugh, these stupid fools trying to fight me and failing miserably.

I'd never change. No one would ever be able to save me.

That's what I believed and I'd accepted that. So why, when this girl suddenly barged into my life, was I suddenly feeling?

What was it? Why did I want to protect her rather than harm her?

I didn't like it but no matter how hard I pushed, she never strayed. If anything, she seemed to be more determined to stick close.

What a foolish girl. Who did she think she was playing with?

She would learn who I really was, what I was capable of and she would run.

Or so I thought.

Reader, you don't know me but I'm already craving your forgiveness.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry for what you're about to discover. All I can do is tell you this tale and hope, in time, you will come to understand why.

Are you sure you want to know me?

Then, continue but don't say I didn't warn you.'

****************

Once he finally arrived home, he collapsed heavily onto the sofa, closing his tired eyes and thinking back upon the strange afternoon.

After the kid had left, he had stood at Lily's grave, remembering the girl he had fell in love with.

Her kindness, her beauty, her strength. All things that he never possessed.

It sure was a surprise, that kid knowing about her and himself, through a diary no less.

Speaking of which, he took the small silver book out of his jacket pocket. Smoothing his fingers over the cover, he was afraid to open it, afraid to read the words she had wrote.

How did she perceive him? It can't have been in a good way.

Taking a deep breath, he opens the pages and begins.

Within moments he could see why the kid had gotten so involved. The words were gripping and to read about how she saw him was interesting.

Did she really have such strong feelings right from the start? Apparently so, and he had been blind to them for so long.

How could he not have noticed?

He couldn't help the tears that started to fall when he came to when she saved his life.

She thought she was dying and she was happy. How could someone so pure be happy to give up her life for him, the devil?

It was cruel and he hated himself for ever going near her. He had ruined her life, had been the cause of her death.

True, he had changed himself now. He wasn't the same man he used to be but what good was that now when Lily was dead?

Sinking back into the sofa, he rubs his sore eyes.

His heart hurt, he missed her like hell and it never seemed to get any better.

He wished he could see her one last time, to say sorry for everything.

That was his biggest regret. He never apologised for anything, he should have gotten down on his knees and begged for her forgiveness.

When it came to her, he was a coward. He knew he was in love, that she could control him and make him better, so he tried to push her away.

She had been his angel, his saving grace and instead of thanking her like he should have, he treated her like s**t, hoping that she'd eventually have enough of him and leave but she never did.

She had stuck by him through it all. The fights where he would show up at her door with blood dripping from his face and knuckles.

The times when he was so angry, he would throw things, trashing whatever room he was in at the time. She never even ran when he had raised his hand to her.

He wished he could go back and change that moment. He had regretted it as soon as he had done it and he would never forgive himself for it.

He never deserved her. How she could love him, he would never truly understand. No one was supposed to fall in love with a monster.

****************

'Dear reader,

She had changed. The girl had gone from ugly ducking to beautiful swan in just a few weeks.

The raven hair that was usually tied up in a ponytail was now cascading gently down her shoulders, my fingers itching to reach out and touch the soft strands.

The thick rimmed glasses no longer covered the most intriguing brown eyes I'd even seen. They seemed to sparkle at all times, showing the curiosity that was always present.

She seemed to be glowing and I wasn't the only one who had seemed to notice. Whenever another male looked at her, I found myself getting pissed off.

How dare they look at what was mine.

Wait, what the hell was I thinking? She certainly wasn't mine and I didn't want her to be.

At least, I pretended that I didn't. Why she had caught me in her trap, I didn't know. I'd never felt anything like it before, it was new and I didn't like it.

Alcohol. That always helped when I was stressed.

Parties. A good distraction for me.

I'd drink alcohol that I didn't pay for, steal someone's drugs to take in the bathrooms and find a willing girl for the evening.

I couldn't concentrate, for she was here. She had never been to a party before so why now?

It was easy to see why, especially when I could feel her gaze even through the packed bodies.

My eyes followed her movements, watching her leave the room to rush outdoors.

For some unknown reason, my feet moved, following behind her like some kind of stalker.

She was staring into the sky, taking deep breaths like she was trying to stop herself from panicking.

I wanted to comfort her but with the amount of alcohol and drugs in my system, the pure want for the girl came out instead.

I enjoyed the startled jump when she finally became aware of my presence. Her eyes were wide, clearly not expecting me.

Oh sweetheart, how right you are to be scared because damn, I want to devour you.

I backed her into wall, arms caging her in. I took a deep breath, she smelt so good, lavender and something sweet that was clearly unique to her. It was intoxicating, a different kind of drug for me but one I wanted to take all the same.

"I see you watching me."

I didn't need to say it. She knew that I had noticed.

"When did you you get so cute?"

I didn't need the answer, for I already knew.

"I've never had anyone look at me the way you do."

Why I was telling her the truth, I don't know. I blamed it on the alcohol.

"I know you want me."

Her smell was overpowering. I leaned in, putting my lips to her ears to smell more.

"I want you too."

My God, did I want her. She was my new addiction and damn, with that first fiery kiss, I knew I was hooked.

This girl was dangerous but danger was a part of who I was. I wouldn't run and if she did, I would chase her.

I knew she would end up being my downfall.'

****************

Freezing in his tracks, he watched silently as the same kid who gave him Lily's notepad bent down to place flowers softly against the marble stone.

He sighed, really not ready for this conversation but he moved ahead anyway.

His heavy footsteps drew the others gaze. The kid smiled softly, like he was welcoming an old friend.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice sounding more bitter than he had intended.

The kids face fell slightly, taking a small step back. "I just wanted to bring some flowers."

His eyes flick over the bunch of lillies he had placed. How did he know those were her favourites?

"I also was hoping to run into you." The kid continued.

"Why?" He deadpanned, not looking up.

"I found out that Lily is my half sister."

That drew his attention, his head snapping up to connect their eyes. "What?"

"I asked my mother who she was, we have the same last name. We shared the same father."

Sighing, he shook his head. There seemed to be no end to the mysteries of Lily.

"I take it you didn't know."

"No." He admitted.

Why Lily didn't tell him, he didn't know but then again, he didn't deserve to know everything about her and her family had always disliked him.

"I'm going to find them."

Looking back to the kid, he was surprised to see the determination in his eyes. "Who?"

"The guys who killed her."

That definitely surprised him.

"Don't waste your time kid." He replies flatly.

"Don't you want to avenge her? I thought you were meant to love her or are you still the same jerk she fell for?" The kid shouted.

Growling, he pushed into the kids space, his fists curling in anger. "Don't you think for a moment that I didn't try to get revenge. I looked everywhere, I couldn't find them and I knew that Lily would not have wanted me to hurt them."

"So you just gave up?"

"Watch it kid. You have no idea who you're talking to."

"My names not kid, it's Michael."

He frowned, this kid was brave. Maybe he was related to Lily.

"Well Michael, don't go getting involved in things that you don't understand."

Turning, he walks away, hearing the huff of breath from behind him.

"Wait. What's your name?" Michael shouts.

He stops, turning to raise an eyebrow.

"Well if you want me to continue calling you the pale jerk, that's fine with me." He shrugs.

Glaring at the tall high schooler, he had to resist the urge to punch that smirk off his face. "It's Thomas."

With that, he walks away, trying to cool down his temper. That was never an easy task.

Lily used to be so good at controlling him. One look from her and he would turn to jelly, becoming putty in her hands, ready to be re-moulded into a decent human.

Now, without her here, it was hard. He had to rely on his memories of her and they weren't always successful.

That kid had some nerve. Although, he did have a good point.

He had never truly given up on finding his old cohorts and punishing them for everything they did.

It was never easy. He himself knew that every member of his old gang had been trained well. They knew how to hide when they needed to.

Damn that kid to hell and back. He had put the thought back into his head and it was now all he could focus on.

'Lily, I promised I wouldn't do anything but I'm losing my control.'

****************

'Dear reader,

I thought if I indulged in it just once, I would be satisfied and able to move on.
Wow, was I wrong.

After the party, it happened regularly. I'd ignore her at school, pretending I knew nothing of her existence but when evening fell, I would go to her side and lose myself in her scent.

I needed to down alcohol and countless other substances before I could actually approach her but I tried not to dwell on that.

She was so good, her smell, her sounds, her gentle touches held me in awe.

She'd never complain, would never turn me away and I'd pretend not to notice the sadness in her eyes. The pain she was feeling did not sit well with me but I was too much of a coward to walk away.

I'd finally found something that made me feel. After being in the dark for so long, I felt like I finally had my freedom, finally free to breathe air that wasn't poisonous.

I held her, thinking I was gentle but when I'd see her in school, the bruises were obvious.

Rumours were speculating and I wanted so badly to put an end to them. People were cruel and they were worse to those that wouldn't stand up for themselves.

I couldn't. No, I wouldn't. For I only ever thought of myself, of my reputation that I had to uphold.

I'm sorry to do this. I'm unstable and I was bringing her down with me.

No amount of drugs was able to give me the satisfaction that she gave. I'm sorry, I was addicted, craving more and more until I was consumed completely.

Why did she clean me up when I showed up at her door, covered in the blood of my rivals?

Those eyes, they were so sad. That sadness was for me and it angered me. Not only did I not want her pity but I didn't want the guilt of her sadness upon me too.

Those hands, so gentle as they smoothed over the cuts and bruises. I didn't deserve such an angel. I was poisoning her, turning her into something that she could never bounce back from.

"I wish you wouldn't do this."

That voice, so sweet, so caring. Why did she care so much?

"I can help you."

Stop it. Stop caring. How can I leave you when you keep pulling me in?

"Please let me help you."

I don't know how it happened, I promise you, I don't but I'm so sorry. If I could go back, I'd change it all.

I'll never forget that moment, her tears in those beautiful eyes, her hand trembling as it raised to rest on the cheek that I had just abused with my fist.

I was horrified. She wasn't the first woman I'd hit but she was the first that I instantly regretted. I wanted to apologise, to get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness.

Obviously, that's not what I did. My pride and my cowardice would not allow me.

Instead, I had yelled, glaring at her like she was the reason for all of my undoing.

I had left, running with no particular destination in mind.

I was running from her. I was running from myself.

I was afraid, afraid for her safety, afraid of the guy that was inside of me, controlling all of my urges and thoughts.

He was the bad one, the reason why I was the way I was. He controlled me.

I couldn't get myself back.

I'm so sorry. I'm unstable, I need help and so does she.'

***************

"Thomas."

He turned towards his manager, the older frowning at him like usual.

"You have a visitor."

Sighing, he placed his tools by the side of the car, walking to the wide open double doors and immediately glaring at the body leading against the wall.

"What do you want kid?" He snaps.

"I thought you may want to know what I found out." Michael shrugs, clearly playing him with that dangling hook of information.

Damn him. "What's that?"

"Remember a guy named Lukas?"

The grey eyes immediately hardened, body stiffening and hands clenching into fists.

"Thought you would." Michael smiles. "What would you say if I knew where he was?"

"Don't play me kid. I couldn't find that out so how the hell could you?" He growls.

"Everyone knows who you are in this town but they don't know me. It really wasn't hard to find someone who was willing to give him up."

"Who gave him up?"

"A little guy, smelt really bad." Michael scrunched up his nose, the memory making him nauseous.

"Danny."

"You know him?"

Yes, he knew him. Danny used to be the gangs dogsbody, doing everything that he was told, including alot of unpleasantries.

After he had been caught stealing the drugs he was meant to be selling, he had been beaten and kicked to the curb, left alone to fend for himself.

Danny had never had it easy. He had been a runaway that they had picked from the streets, bribing him with drugs to do their bidding.

Clearly, time had not treated him any better.

"What did he tell you?" He asked.

"You want to know now? Thought you told me to give it up?"

Stepping closer to the cocky kid, he narrowed his eyes. "Don't get smart with me and tell me what the hell you know."

The kid gulped, fear flashing in his eyes.

Yes, he still had the power to entice fear.

"He said that Lukas was still in town, still with all your old crew."

"Where?"

"An old building that you used to hang out in, he didn't say which one, hence why I came to you."

That wasn't exactly a great clue. They had alot of abandoned buildings that they had claimed as their own.

He had searched all of them after Lily's death but had came up empty.

"So, do you know where?"

The kids voice cut through his reverie.

"There are alot of places." He breathes lowly.

"Then we need to go to all of them."

"We?"

"You want to do this on your own? Come on, I can help."

He couldn't help the laugh he let out. "You're just a kid."

"I'm not a kid." Michael glares.

Sighing, he holds his tongue in check. "Fine, but don't blame me if you get hurt."

"When?"

"Meet me at the church tomorrow morning."

He turns away, not sparing a second glance to the kid and getting back into work.

He hears the sarcastic you're welcome and smirks.

Yes, he was still an avid fan of getting people riled up. He considered it to be one of his talents.

Lukas.

The name of his old best friend came into his mind and burned him. That son of a b***h had always hated his position.

He was an underling, had never been given the big jobs. Thomas himself had loved to hold that over him, giving him orders.

He hated that SOB and he couldn't wait to finally get his hands on him. That piece of s**t was going to pay for stabbing him in the back.

'Lukas, I'm coming for you.'

His trademark smirk was back, the twist of his lips making him look evil. People were afraid of him and they were the smart ones.

The ones who underestimated him, those were the ones that would get hurt.

***************

'Dear reader,

Something was different. Instead of being completely drunk and high on drugs, I was now sober whenever I went to see Lily.

It was good right? I was doing good.

Still, there was a part of me I couldn't show her. She began to ask questions, being more daring now I was somehow softer with her.

Did I tell her about my life? Of course not, I didn't want to scar her.

Did I tell her about the kind of future I wanted? Yes, in small doses.

I told her my dream, my ultimate dream of opening my own garage.

There was something about engines, the greasy smell of oil, the burn I felt on my hands after a particularly hard day that made me feel at ease.

It was the fact that I could take things apart with my bare hands and not get into trouble.

I could put the broken pieces back together to create something entirely new and unique.

She listened, her eyes sparkling with intent.

"I think that would be good for you."

Yes, if I could ever get there, it would be good for me but getting out of the life I lived was going to be difficult.

I knew too much, they were never just going to let me go.

Doesn't mean that I didn't try. I tried to run, to cut them from my life, destroying my phone and forgetting them entirely.

It wasn't ever going to be that easy and unfortunately, it turned out to be true.

They found me. Well, my boss sent someone to find me.

I was distracted, looking up at the church, wanting to go in to purge all my sins but lacking the courage. Churches had always freaked me out.

I didn’t hear him until it was too late. I span, ready to fight for my life but the knife was already heading for my chest.

My eyes closed, Lily coming unbidden into my mind. I would never get the chance to apologise, never get the chance to tell her that I loved her.

I reopened my eyes when the pain never came, wondering if the attacker would want to play first.

What I didn't expect was to see the attacker fleeing and Lily in front of me.

She turned to me slowly, eyes wide and shimmering with tears.

The blood stain was slowly growing bigger against her stomach.

I could only catch her as she falls, her body a dead weight in my ams.

I stared down at the face that was so familiar, the face of the girl I loved, the girl I had wronged.

I didn’t realise how much I was sobbing, the tears landing on her pale cheeks.

No, this can't be happening. It was meant to be me, not her.

"Please stay with me. I love you."

Don't go. Stay with me.

No, don't close your eyes.

I let out a scream, hating the world, hating my fucked up life.

Now, my only reason for living, my only source of happiness, was dying and it was all my fault.

No!!!'

*****************

"You're late."

Frowning at the kid, he pulls his beanie lower over his head.

"I don't think I ever said a time."

"You said morning, it's now afternoon."

"I had things to do."

"Surely it couldn't have been as important as this."

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to." He glared.

That got him to shut up, the kid pouting childishly.

"Let's go going."

He walked ahead, not checking if the kid was following him.

His errand this morning was definitely important. He wasn't apart of the gang anymore, he had no weapons but that didn't mean he couldn't get his hands on one.

The gun in his pocket felt familiar, even after being without one for so long.

It was just a precaution, at least that's what he told himself.

They'd only visited two of the warehouses and already the kid was grating on his last nerve. He hadn't stopped talking, asking inappropriate questions and non stop pissing him off.

"Will you shut up!" He snapped. "Do you ever stop talking?"

"No." Michael shrugs, smiling innocently.

"Aren't you afraid?"

He was genuinely curious. The kid was just a high schooler, not a violent bone in his body and here he was, suddenly working with an ex gang member who was slightly psychotic, looking for the gang members who had murdered his sister and he seemed completely unfazed.

"Honestly? Of course I am but I have to do this, for Lily." The kid sighs.

"You didn't even know her."

"I didn't meet her but I felt like I knew her. I feel like I let her down. I know I didn't know she existed but still, I want to do this for her so she can be at peace and we can be too."

Clearly, he had misjudged this kid.

"What was she really like?"

The question caught him off guard.

He sighed, gathering his thoughts.

"Kind, beautiful, rare."

"Care to elaborate?" The kid prompted.

"She was always trying to please me, to help me, even if it meant that she had to suffer. She was real, never afraid of me."

"Why were you so cruel to her at the beginning?"

Sighing, he drags a hand through his messy black hair. "You need to understand, I was in a different life back then and I was never a person who felt anything before. I was a coward."

"Well, now is your chance to make it up to her."

This kid understood.

They continued with their search, not finding anything and they were running out of daylight.

"We'll look at one more then call it a day." He informs the kid, who nods understandingly.

Once arriving at their destination, he puts out a hand, halting Michael in his tracks.

The kid turns to him in question, following his gaze that was aimed at a sleek black motorcycle.

He knew that motorcycle, he had once been the owner of said bike before he left. It was no question who had taken over ownership.

"They're here."

"Are you sure?" The kid asks, voice slightly trembling.

"Positive. Last chance to back out."

"No, I'm with you til the end."

Looking into his eyes, he saw fear but also determination. They were in this together.

Lily, the time has come.

****************

'Dear reader,

Paralysed. You never know how valuable your legs are until they're taken away.

Lily was paralysed, maybe never able to walk again and it was all my fault.

She was so small in the hospital bed, her body almost lost in the white sheets.

When those beautiful eyes had finally opened, I had been relieved, practically crushing her in my arms in pure joy.

She however, was horrified. She never spoke a word, couldn't even look me in the eye and I was at a loss at what to do.

She had survived but she had died. The light in her that made her who she was, the light that made my life better had died.

I couldn't leave her side, dropping out of school to stay with her in her healing.

She became a ghost, still sad even after she began to walk again. The crutches she used were too big and while I should have found it cute, I found it unbearable to look at.

Her lifeless eyes were killing me, the sweet voice no longer music to ears for she had stopped singing to me.

I couldn't do anything but sit with her while she cried, catching her tears as they mixed with my own.

"Please Lily. I'll do anything to see you smile again."

She was so fragile, so thin, so broken all because of me.

I could only beg her to stop, beg her to talk to me while she threw things. The crutches hit the wall with a loud bang, falling to the floor like a metaphor of our life.

"I should've died!" She screamed.

She was completely destroyed and wouldn't let me heal her, wouldn't let me even touch her briefly.

I deserved this, I did this to her and now I was paying for it. I was suffering while watching her crumble.

I worked double shifts, trying to save the money she needed for therapy. The garage didn't pay well but it would suffice.

I didn't expect it, my old life was all but forgotten until that fateful moment it came crashing down upon me.

"Please let her go. She's not a part of this."

I begged, I got down on my knees in front of my old crew, the same crew I used to lead.

All pride was out of the window, all that mattered was her.

"I love you Thomas."

That voice, that sweet voice was back. The brown eyes I had fallen for were finally looking at me.

Just as quick, they were gone.

There was no way she was coming back from this one.

I'm sorry, I'd give anything to change my life. Take mine, take everything of me but please, let her live.

She had suffered enough.

Her suffering was now over.

I had failed her but I would make it up to her. I would avenge her. I would make sure she did not die in vain.

Lily, my love, you will be forever in my mind.'

****************

"This place is super creepy."

Thomas rolled his eyes at the kids monologue. He should've known the kid was faking his bravado.

"Shut up."

He heard the kid huff but thankfully, he remained silent.

Walking along the dark corridor of the warehouse, the two males were hyper alert, eyes trained ahead of them, ready for anything.

They paused as they heard laughter and the older of the two knew exactly who that high pitched laugh belonged to.

Lukas.

As he took the gun out of his pocket in readiness, he could feel the kids horrified gaze.

"Told you it was your last chance to back out kid."

He ignores the kids huff, pointing the gun in front of him as he rounds the corner.

He aims the gun at his old crew mate, waiting for the other to notice him.

When he does, the tall, blonde male gasps in shock and drops the phone.

"Thomas."

"Hey Lukas, I'd say nice to see you again but it's really not."

Lukas releases a short laugh. "Who's the kid?"

"Let's just say I'm not the only one who wants to tear you apart."

"Alright, I knew this moment would come sooner or later." Lukas nods.

Smirking, he aims the gun at the others head. "Any last words?"

"She wanted to die man."

"What?" Michael frowns, eyeing the older male nervously.

"Thomas, there's something you don't know, something Lily hid from you."

"What are you talking about?"

"We never wanted to hurt her, it was all about you. She gave her life for you, that was the deal. It was either you or her and she chose to save you."

The gun in his hand was shaking, sweat dripping off his face as it takes all his control not to empty the gun into the others skull.

"You were just meant to find her, you weren't supposed to come home and see us." Lukas continues.

"Shut up!" He yells. "You laughed, while you watched her die, you f*****g laughed."

Lukas took a step back, fearing the male in front of him like he always did.

"She wanted to die. She practically begged us."

Surging forward, he presses the gun against the others temple, enjoying the fear in his eyes.

"Thomas, don't do this." The kid tries to reason. "Lily wouldn't want this."

"She said she'd leave you a message, explaining everything. She hid it somewhere, that will give you all the answers you want."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you?" He asks coldly.

Lukas sighs, sinking down onto his knees. "I don't have one, I knew you'd find me eventually."

"Get out of here kid, you won't want to see this."

"Thomas, please-"

"Get the f**k out of here!" He yells.

Michael hesitates for a brief moment before running from the two males, not looking back.

Thomas takes a deep breath as he stares into the eyes of the man who killed the love of his life.

"Go ahead Thomas." Lukas whispers. "I deserve this but you won't get the answers this way. You didn't know everything about her."

"Don't you dare talk about her."

"There is so much she was carrying, you don't even know. The love she had for you was unbreakable, she gave her life so we would leave you alone. You owe it to her to know everything."

"I owe it to her to avenge her death."

He pulled the trigger the moment the last word left his mouth, the bang echoing around the empty warehouse even after the shot had been fired.

Breathing hard, he stares down at the lifeless body of the other male. He felt nothing for the man who used to be a friend of sorts.

He wasn't sorry. He did his for Lily.

Placing the gun back in his pocket, he quickly left the warehouse and the dead body behind.

The kid was nowhere to be seen, which was smart on his part.

Damn it, he still needed answers.

Why would Lily have wanted to die? What could she have possibly been hiding from him?

S**t, he needed to know.

****************

After hours of tearing the house apart, he had found it.

The message that Lily had left behind had been well hidden but under his nose the whole time.

The drawer of his bedside table had been his memory box since they had known each other.

Everything to do with Lily was kept in that drawer. He hadn't been through it ever since she had died. He thought she hadn't known of its existence, but clearly he had been wrong.

The letter was clutched in his hands, his name in that beautiful writing on display.

Did he really want to do this? Did he want to know these truths?

Yes, unfortunately he had to know.

Opening the letter with shaking hands, he slides down to the floor, his back against the bed and the mess surrounding him in piles.

Finally, maybe he'd understand why Lily was taken away from him.

************

'Dear Thomas,

If you're reading this, then I've been granted my wish.

First, there is something you should know. I asked for this, I asked to be killed so you may be spared. So, please don't go looking for revenge. Please don't sully the good name you began to make for yourself.

You've changed so much from the Thomas I used to know.

I used to fear you, fear my feelings for you but the moment I first felt your kiss, I didn't care. I loved you Thomas, which was so strange to me.

Nevertheless, I never regretted it for a moment.

I hope you don't blame yourself, it was never your fault. I always knew that I would give my life for you. I was happy to do so.

Thomas, there's something you didn't know. Something I begged the doctor not to tell you.

I was carrying your child.

Unfortunately, that child was lost in my injury and I was informed I would never again be able to carry.

I'm so sorry Thomas. I wanted to tell you so many times but I remembered how badly you wanted a family of your own one day.

You still can Thomas, you have my blessing. In fact, I want you to move on. I want you to find love and have the life you had always dreamt of.

Please don't hate me for this.

They were going to kill you Thomas and there was no way I could let that happen.

They warned me, they wanted me to leave before they came for you.

I offered myself. They promised that if I gave my life, they would leave you be.

I can only hope that they kept to there word.

I hope you're safe, I hope you're well and I hope you can forgive me for this.

Thomas, my love, I've only ever had you in my mind, in my heart.

There are so many things that I want to say but words seem to be failing me.

I guess all I can say is, I love you and I'm sorry.

In hindsight, it was always going to end this way.

Forgive me.

Forever yours.

Lily.'

**************

Screaming in frustration, the letter gets crushed in his fists as he punches the wall repeatedly.

With blood running down his hands and splattered on the wall, he drops to his knees, the tears obscuring his vision.

A child? She was carrying his child?

Could life be anymore cruel?

He would've understood. Why couldn't she have just told him?

She was all he wanted, even if they could never have a child, he just wanted her.

He was numb, he couldn't feel anything, the pain in his heart was far too great.

It was undescribable, the pain so great he wanted to throw up. He could feel it, could feel his heart breaking, the organ cracking to leave him with a hole that would forever be unfilled.

Is this what love does to everyone? Did it hurt this much?

Lily was right, their story was always going to end badly but he never expected this.

It was meant to be him, he was meant to be the one who gave his life for the woman who changed him, for the woman who loved him when he was at his worst.

How could he go on when he had destroyed the only person he had ever cared for?

The sirens were loud in his ears and he screamed, yelling for them to just shut up.

It was too much, he couldn't handle it, the beast in him coming out full force.

Stomping down the stairs, he greeted the police men like he used to - with a smirk and a well aimed punch to the jaw.

It took five of them and handcuffs to finally still him.

The police car was familiar territory, the cops themselves familiar from his teenager years.

"Should've known you'd screw up sooner or later boy."

The words went right through him. Yes, he knew he would screw up too. It was inevitable.

He had destroyed Lily so naturally, it was only fair that he destroyed himself as well.

He wouldn't be able to get out of this.

'Lily, wait for me. I'll be with you again soon.'

**************

"I had to call the police. I didn't know what else to do."

Rolling his eyes, he has to resist the urge to punch the glass separating them just so he could tell him to shut up without the hindrance of the phone.

"You shot him." The kid mumbles, fear flashing in his eyes.

"What did you expect kid? I told you to back out, that it would be dangerous but you didn't listen."

"I thought we both wanted justice, not revenge."

"What made you think that? Justice is bullshit kid, it doesn't exist."

"Will you stop calling me kid." Michael glares.

Laughing, he gives the younger male a smirk while the younger looks completely befuddled.

"Why are you laughing? You're in jail, serving a life sentence for murder."

"You really think I didn't know the consequences when I pulled that trigger?"

"Lily wouldn't have wanted that."

Staying silent, he agreed with the kid but what could he do? The damage had already been done.

If he had only known about the letter beforehand, but honestly, even if he had, he would've still wanted to kill the man who had taken Lily away from him.

He wasn't sorry, he didn't feel like he had made a mistake. It was only a matter of time before he would be back with Lily.

"Don't worry about it kid." He says finally.

The kid sighs, shaking his head at the older male. "What should I do now?"

"Live your life, go to college like you wanted."

"I can't just leave now. I can't leave you alone."

Thomas leans forwards, placing a hand on the glass in front of him. The kid raises an eyebrow but goes with it, placing his hand over the top of his, giving the illusion that they were touching.

"Listen Michael, it's over now. We did what we set out to do, now it's time for you to move on."

"Are you telling me to forget all this?"

"I know you won't forget. Remember us but don't let us control your life."

"I still don't feel like I deserve her forgiveness."

Thomas watches as the younger releases the tears he had no doubt been holding in. He felt sorry for the kid, he really did but he was still young. He could go and live his life in peace and make something of himself.

"You did everything you could Michael. You made Lily proud."

"What about you?" Michael sniffs.

"I'll be reunited with Lily soon."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Don't worry kid, it's time for you to go."

Standing up, he places the phone back on the hook, turning away from the kid who was frantically banging on the glass, his shouting voice muffled.

He couldn't look back, for he would lose his control. He had made his bed, now it was time to lie in it.

Considering the amount of males who eyeballed him as he walked past, he wouldn't have to wait too long before his wish was granted.

'Wait for me Lily.'

Walking through the prison to his cell, he kept his head high, ignoring the stares and the shouted threats aimed at him.

He knew it was only a matter of time before someone made good on the threats and he couldn't wait for that moment.

Sitting in his cell, he kept his back to the door, practically inviting the inmates inside to him.

Closing his eyes, he pictures Lily in his mind. Her brown eyes, always sparkling with curiosity. The amount of questions she used to ask him about the world was a treasured memory.

They would stay up late, discussing topics that most would find boring and tedious.

He too wasn't interested in the world and the way it worked but he would indulge her curiosity, just to see those eyes sparkle.

That long raven hair that he used to wrap around his fingers while they were in bed, he could feel the softness on his fingers even now.

She had hated her hair, claiming it was too thick but he had loved it, so she had kept it long for him. He would play with her hair until she fell asleep and then he would stay awake longer to simply stare at her.

Oh, how he missed those times. If he had known what their future held for them, he would've been more gently, would've told her of his feelings sooner.

Love, it was such a cruel trick of fate.

He felt rather than heard another presence in his cell. He kept his eyes closed as the scent of sweat and tobacco wafted through the air.

"Boss sends his regards Tommy."

The voice he didn't recognise but the nickname, he did. That was what they used to call him.

The somewhat childish name fooling people from his true nature. He wasn't childish and he certainly wasn't an easy male. People often made that mistake about him.

Maybe Lily had too. His pale skin, his petite form, his soft face was an illusion. In reality, he was poison.

He used his looks in his favour. Females weren't afraid of him until he got them alone, where he would unleash his true form.

Males underestimated him until he was laying blow after blow on their faces until the blood ran like a river.

He had relished in that fear, had fed on it like a monster, it only succeeding in making him stronger.

She had changed him. He had never cared about anyone, not even himself until she came along.

'Lily, I'm coming to you.'

The pain was fleeting, the laugh sounding far away even though the male was right next to him.

His body slumped against the wall, his eyesight dimming. The blood flowed onto the dirty white sheets, making them look better in his opinion.

If he could speak, he would've thanked the male who had stabbed him for giving him what he wanted.

Shouts, footsteps getting closer.

Hands over him, lifting him, pressing against the wound in an attempt to stem the blood flow.

If he could, he would have pushed them away, told them to let him die.

It didn't matter, it was too late to save him.

The grey eyes were hidden behind lids that fluttered closed, never to grace the world with their enchanting beauty again.

****************

Blinking in the sudden light, he looked around, confusion in his eyes.

Where was he?

The white of the walls, the floors, the ceiling was far too pure.

"Thomas."

That voice, he knew it. He ran, ran towards the source of the sound.

"Thomas."

She appeared like an ethereal being. That raven hair was cascading down her shoulders, those brown eyes twinkling at him in welcome.

He paused, wanting to know if she was real or a figment of his imagination.

"Thomas, it's me."

She spoke, the voice was the same but could he trust this? It was all he ever wanted, to be in her arms again.

"I've been waiting for you."

She stretched out her hand to him. He hesitated for a brief moment before he joined their hands.

He choked, tears being released as he broke down.

The arms that held him were soft and warm just like he remembered.

Clinging to her, he wept. Finally, they were together again.

"I'm so sorry Lily." He sobbed.

"Thomas, we're together again. It's all okay now."

Looking into her eyes, they were the same. The love that shone from them was always overwhelming.

Those soft fingers ran across his face, tracing his eyebrow, his nose, his cheekbones and finally his lips that parted under the touch.

"I missed you so much."

"It's time Thomas."

He clung to her hand as they walked side by side, the light getting brighter until he couldn't see anything but her.

Finally, he could be at peace with the one he loved.

**************

Standing over the graves, Michael let his tears flow freely.

Lily Park. 12.08.16
Thomas Hyde. 12.04.17

Eight months apart, the same day of the month. That seemed like another cruel trick of fate.

When he had received the phone call, Michael had sobbed, finally understanding what Thomas had meant when he said he'd be reunited with Lily.

Thomas had known that he would be punished for killing a member of the gang.

He had wanted to die so he could be with Lily.

Michael couldn't imagine ever loving someone that much.

Looking down at the notebooks in his hands, he felt lost.

Both Lily and Thomas had wrote about their lives, their love for each other.

Michael now knew both of them better.

He didn’t want their story to be over. People needed to read it, needed to read of the lovers who had been dealt such cruel cards.

He wouldn't let them dissappear, he would preserve their memories and tell the world of their amazing journey together.

'Lily. Thomas. Don't worry, I'll never forget you.'

*************

'Dear Reader by Michael Park.'

'Dear reader,

You're probably wondering why I chose to share this tale with you.

Don't you see? I wanted people to understand the power of love and the power of hatred.

I never knew Lily, unfortunately she was gone before I had the chance to meet my half sister.

I knew her through her own writing and Thomas, the man she had loved.

Surely you will have your own opinions of him and I wouldn't blame you but let me tell you, he wasn't all bad.

Thomas was irrevocably damaged but he had somehow been reshaped through the love that he had secretly always wanted.

Love can do that. It can change you, either for the better or for the worse.

This is what I wanted to teach. Don't let it deter you from falling in love. Not everyone's tale will be as sad as this one.

I can only thank you for reading this. This was our journey together.

I know first hand that you must have felt the pain through Lily, had felt the hatred through Thomas and had felt the sorrow through me.

I won't ever let them be forgotten. They will live on through me and through you too, if you let them.

Lily and Thomas will never be forgotten, their sad tale will forever be a story that others will tell.

For that's the point isn't it. Stories live on, even if the people don't....

*******END************

Author's Note

This is a continuation of Dear Reader. It won't make sense if you don't read the first bit.
Thank you for reading and please leave any feedback or comments that you have.

Reviews

[Kirsty Leigh Walker]

This is now completed.

I'm not 100% satisfied.. feel like I could've made the ending a bit better.