Chapter 1- Onset

***Authors Note:

This is the beginning of the diary of Skade, a teenager who has been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, depressed type. This is basically schizophrenia and major depression in one, and Skade has had symptoms since she was 10. These first few chapters show the slow onset of Skade's psychosis as well as her depression via diary entries from when she was younger.

END ***

Age 9 " Skade's POV " In Florida

Today's the last day of our stay down here in Florida, and I'm sad about leaving. I made a good friend, Makayla, and went to the pool a lot. I slept over at our relatives house who lives in Florida, and woke up rested and ready to go back to the pool. I had a great time on this vacation but now its time to drive the RV back to North Carolina.

Age 10 " Skade's POV

Today I found a skeleton key. It's magic. It lets me do magic too. I tried to make it snow yesterday but it didn't work. I guess I'm not powerful enough.

Age 11 - Skade's POV

I woke up unrested, as usual. I stayed up most of the night reading. I have internet now, and I'm playing Evony. I love it. I made a lot of new friends. I've discovered I'm two personalities, Skade and Alexis. Alexis is my pseudonym online. I've been playing Evony for about 8 months now.

Age 12 " Skade's POV

Is it possible to have a crush on someone you met two days ago and have never seen? All while liking someone from real life? Also, did you know that I'm only Skade now when my parents call me or when I'm at school? I've started thinking and acting like Alexis. And you know the scariest part? It doesn't scare me! I only need 2-4 hours of sleep a night now and I do my best work writing at night.

Age 13 " Skade's POV

I feel like I am going crazy... Sometimes I wish I was normal, with normal parents, ones who understand the gaming world. I just want a hug from any of my REAL friends, the ones online, not any of my Real life friends. Life is weird. Weird is weird. It all ends up weird...

Next Day-

I still haven't figured anything out. I'm not sure about anything. My life seems to be a big blur. Its like the only real things are Evony and my nights. Do you think this is because I'm stressed? Or lonely? Maybe. Real life is like a dream until I get on the internet or 'go to bed.' Life is so weird. I will figure mine out though. Sometime, hopefully soon.

Next Day-

Life is a weird twisted thing that you can't understand. So far that's all I've figured out. I think that Evony is now one of the most important things in my life. The people, the wars, diplomacy, all of it.

A few days later-

I've had a weird feeling all day. Like worrying but different, like worry and guilt and feeling bad all mixed together. Today a lot of the people I like were not feeling well. People hurting or not feeling well always gets to me, especially when I am too. My horoscope told me it was my fault. I feel restless and nervous, like a confined animal.

Nobody knows I'm obsessed with astrology. Not the study of stars, but the study of star movements and how they affect our lives, as well as other paranormal things. I love the paranormal and I believe in 'gifts' and 'magic.' It's all so interesting. I believe in reincarnation, and I have memories of past lives that have come to me in dreams. There are mystical forces at work and I'm going to find them and learn from them. Vampires, wizards, werewolves, they may all exist, as well as forcefields, invisibility and flight. Magic may be attainable. I believe they may have been lost in the course of time though.

I have reason to believe that the ancient Egyptians held many secrets. Just look at the pyramids and the renown sphinx. How could ancient man build these without help from the supernatural? Why do you think they had so many gods? Because so many paranormal things visited them. These beings controlled everything over time. They all were overpowered by one being though, God, and all their work was attributed to him. The others didn't like this so they created other religions, like Hindu, and Buddhism.

A few weeks later my parents took away my computer privileges for several months. Read on to find out what happened next.