Old Man's Sigh

Bitter and cranky young person finds happiness in a group of cranky old men and start a gang....on mobilizers.

Old Man’s Sigh

 

by

Karl Herzog

[Chapter 1] �" 21-YEAR-OLD cranky young man

Kyle Hopewell was only 21 but already a cranky old man.  Sitting alone in the corner booth of a dimly light bar, head hung low and swearing to himself.  College for Kyle was just 2 years ago, and he's got no qualifications, car, drivers’ licence and still lived with his parents while all his college friends have moved out.  Still bitter and complaining about high school which was even longer ago...Kyle was the iconic 'Mr Cranky.'  Not even his friends could tolerate his grumbling for long, Kyle was alone until Mr Ghee sat next to him.  Slamming down a pint of Guinness. "Sorry mate, me and the lads couldn't help but overhear you and we agree with everything you say."

Said Mr Ghee in his gravely voice as he took of his grey flat cap, crossed his legs revealing his bare knee from underneath the Stirling tartan kilt and placed his flat cap upon the knee.  Kyle wasn’t sure if he should feel threatened or in good company.

"Agree with what, the bit where I said 'i wish I was dead' or 'bloody kids are little brats'?"

Kyle said as he looked up at Mr Ghee’s weathered face.

".... all of it, lad."

Mr Ghee spoke with a mild Scottish accent that matched his casual way of dressing while wearing a kilt.

"Come meet the lads."

He gestured to table of old men in US Civil War uniforms and kilts.  Kyle stared. "Why are they dressed like…. Scottish people."

Mr G chuckled a bit.

"Nay....we're a US Civil War re-enactment group.  We picked a Yankee regiment that was mostly Scottish migrants, hence the kilt with their uniform.”

This peaked Kyle’s interest as he was taken into reading US Civil War History when he was in year twelve.  So, Kyle picked up his beer and followed Mr Ghee to the table of aged reenactors.  Kyles’s night kicked off with a good whinge and beer. He lost track of how many drinks they brought him.   Another older Scottish ex pat, Carlisle dropped a pint of ale in front of Kyle and said in his thick Scottish accent.

"Never mind what ye' hear aboot us Scots.  After all, I just brought ya’ a pint!"

It took a moment for Kyle to realise, Carlisle was referring to the Scottish stereotype.  That night Kyle was in good company and can see he made some new friends that understood him more.  Most were migrants who moved for work and because UK was two crowded.  Two from Scotland, one from Ireland, an American and one Australian.

 

The next morning Kyle woke up on the couch with a splitting headache and a tattoo on his left arm, still bloody, soar and with a bandage.

'What happened last night!?'

Kyle only remembered bits...a late-night drive through suburban streets on mobilizers, clumsy game of lawn bowels on some random persons yard, porch lights being turned on and being yelled at by angry sleepy neighbours.

 

 

 

chapter 2  �" old people corrupting our youth

Kyle spent the rest of the morning watching music videos and nursing a hangover. By lunch time he walked to his local cafe ordered an iced coffee and finally gained the courage to eat.  As he sat at the wobbly, round table outside the café he bit into his massive burger and all the contents spilled out the other end.

"Should’ve ordered a pizza like normal people do after a night out."

That’s the moment when Kyle remembered what he did last night...

‘Getting a uniform police shirt at some old man’s garage, swerving in middle of a suburban road on a mobilizer, playing lawn bowels on someone's front yard and getting yelled at by the occupant and then…the tattoo!’

Kyle carefully pealed back the bandage and took a peek it was the bust of the Grim Reaper with scythe and an analogue clock behind him.  The words of Mr Ghee echoed in Kyles’s mind.

"You're in our gang now!  We're old and bored, we like to complain but we figure we don't have much time left so we do what we like!"

 

[Chapter 3] �" young body , old soul

Kyle’s face went red with anger making his golden blonde mullet hair style stand out even more.  He was outraged at first because he didn't like gangs. He hated Yakuza, Mafia, Tongers and Bikies because he felt that

'they're just adult versions of schoolyard bullies'

But after a little while Kyle remembered the last few words Mr Ghee spoke to him along with the many laughs, they all shared that night.   He figured they're reckless and annoying to some people, but these were a bunch of retired people trying to make the most out of life.

 

Kyle stayed in the gang but also enrolled into a tech college and started studying psychology.  Friends and family thought it was a noble move to a career of helping people.  After years of studying and reckless shenanigans with the retired gang he got a job as a psychologist at a retirement home and that was his underlying diabolical plan!

 

 

 

 

Kyle went through all that to recruit more old men and women into 'Old Man’s Sigh' which was the name of their gang.  Late at night the suburban streets were disturbed with the low hum of mobilizers and rowdy drunken old people in white polo shirts with the young Kyle Hopewell in the lead and huge grin on his face!

 

THE END