The Fashion Police
by
Karl Herzog
[Chapter 1] �" drunken pact
Four
ladies, graduates of year twelve and moving on to study beauty therapy were
celebrating. After many drinks they
observed how popular tattoos are now. Particularly fashionable for young women
to get tattoos of butterflies on their lower back. To commemorate, Ivy, Janine, Caitlyn, and
Daniella decide to get tattoos matching their interests.
They
staggered through the city to get to the tattoo parlour which they knew was
open late. They were all excited,
laughing and joking around until they got to the tattoo parlour and noticed many
bogans hanging around outside the Tattoo shop.
With their stained, faded, and torn clothes, pants too tight or so loose
they revealed inches of bum cleavage. They were very intimidating, so they changed
their minds quick but when they turned around more Bogans showed up and were
scattered throughout the city as they tried to walk through back to the bar
they came from. Bumping into people,
swearing, spitting, and getting into fights. The ladies felt anxious now and all linked
arms to keep safe and together. Caitlyn
broke the awkward silence.
“Oh, that’s
right, there’s a football game on tonight.
It must’ve finished so the Bogans have all come to get hammered.”
The ladies
laughed until they stopped, and Daniella point out to a cosy, Victorian era
looking café that was open late. She points
to it with her delicate artistic hands.
“Look, it’s
still open. Why don’t we get coffee and
something chocolate to eat until the Bogan heard thins out?”
Jane’s
almond shape blue eyes opened wide, and she spoke up for the first time that
night.
“Oh, hell
yeah! Let’s get caffeinated!”
The ladies
all stared at her and laughed. Jane was
a petite, half Asian girl so she was considered exotic, and her shyness made
others think she was from overseas and couldn’t speak English. But when she did speak it was with a very
boyish tone and very Australian accent.
The ladies went
through the green, wooden nineteenth century shop front, were greeted inside
and shown the way to a wooden booth.
Over many lattes
and cappuccino’s along with chocolate and ice-cream covered pancakes they all made
a promise to clean up the city...but how were four beauty technicians going to
do that?
Time passed
after their pact, year twelve was over, Christmas came and went. New Years was celebrated and then they all
moved on to study Beauty Therapy at the same technical institute. The closed knit group got used to a routine
of going to classes, studying and they even lived together. They each had a casual or part time job at
different shops and hairdressers which was the few times they would be
apart. They remembered their drunken
promise and as time passed what they witnessed in the city and shopping centres
bothered them more. They really wanted
to do something.
[Chapter 2] �" do something!
On a
typical late Friday night, the gang of trendy ladies were bored, lounging
around the living room watching TV.
During the even more boring commercial breaks, the petite blond
bombshell Ivy broke the silence when she remembered she still has a tranquilizer
gun she still has from an ex-boyfriend who was a Zoologist. This caught everyone’s attention, even though
the commercials were finished the gang were more interested in how Ivy got a
hold of this tranquilizer gun.
“So yeah….
remember when we were in year ten? Well,
when I was with Kyle and had a brief ten minutes when my parents weren’t looking,
I slept over at his house.”
This was
quite the scandal as the others knew Kyle to be older than Ivy. Ivy was 16 when she was with Kyle who worked
at the Zoo and as studying Zoology. Which means he would’ve been in his early
twenties.
“What!?”
Exclaimed Caitlyn almost in
disbelief. She uncrossed her fishnet
stocking legs and leaned forward in her black Gothic dress. Pale face reasting in her hands as she was
relaxed, focused and very keen to hear what Ivy has to say. This was also when the others just realise
that Caitlyn was pulling off the Goth look that night. She would dress in a subculture fashion each
weekend. But their attention turned back
to Ivy.
“Yeah, I
asked Mum if Kyle could stay over one night, and she said ‘sure…. if you let me
show him how to put on a condom.’ Ergh!”
The others
broke out in a combination of disgust and laugher.
“Anyway,
Mum didn’t like Kyle and so during the mid-year break mum had gone away for
four weeks and I stayed at Kyle’s dorm. It
was a bit sneaky but….it was GREAT! Best
mid semester holiday ever!”
Caitlyn
lured Ivy back to tell how she got hold of the tranquilizer gun.
“That’s
nice but…. how’d he gets the tranquilizer gun.”
“Well Kyle
was a doing really well at studying Zoology and here was a situation at the Zoo
where he had to use a Tranquilizer gun.
He liked using it so much….”
This is
where Ivy leaned forward and continued in a harsh whisper.
“He ordered
one off the dark web. I don’t know why;
I mean it’s not like he’s going to use it on weekends. Anyway, things were great until he dumped me
because he had a fetish for hot-Latino-babes, and I wasn’t tanned enough for
him. I was really cut so when I packed
up my stuff from his place, I sneaked it out of his dorm in gym bag…he doesn’t
miss it.”
Caitlyn
heard enough. As the others looked at
each other in disbelief Ivy noticed their scepticism, gave a sigh of
frustration and abruptly got up leaving the living room only to come back with
a large, rectangular box.
She dropped
it onto the glass coffee table in the middle of the living room, the others
coiled at the sound of a metallic thud as something heavy inside the box
impacted the glass.
“Fine! If you don’t believe me, here it is!”
Ivy threw open
the cardboard lid and revealed white paper cushioning a black, luger looking
pistol that had a but stock that you could pull out and a long black barrel with
a scope on top of the main section.
“No
waaaaaaaaay! That looks like a toy!”
Said
Janine, sounding like a Californian beach bum.
The other ladies laughed. Ivy was
getting frustrated. She loved her friends,
but she could tell they didn’t have too high opinion of her. She was the short, petite blonde and so she
knew they viewed her as the blonde bimbo.
Ivy got frustrated.
“Fine, I’ll
show you.”
Ivy grabbed
the Tranquilizer Gun and stood up as she grabbed some darts from the box. She cocked open the reach and loaded a round
in.
Ivy turned
off the safety with her right thumb and while looking straight ahead at Janine
who was still laughing, she held the gun with one hand and point it at Caitlyn
who was laughing hysterically in the recliner chair and then Ivy shot her. There was a moment of shock and silence….
until they could see Caitlyn’s head tilt to her left shoulder and drooling.
“See!?”
Exclaimed
Ivy as she put the safety back on and placed the tranquilizer gun inside the brown
box. Caitlyn wasn’t the only one
stunned, Ivy pulled off that quick shot like she was a well-trained
soldier. Janine broke the silence.
"You
didn't tell me about this!!"
Feeling a
little betrayed as out of the group, Janine and Ivy were close.
"That's
great Ivy, but how is that supposed to help our cause?"
Said Daniella
as she rolled her eyes.
"Duh! We see a daggy, raging Bogan, we tranquilize
them and give them a makeover."
There was a
stunned silence, except from Caitlyn who was snoring away now. They all agreed to Ivy’s idea and that night
they started plotting.
Each one (except
for Caitlyn) retreated to their room to come back, arms loaded with fashion
items and assembled a make-over kit including unwanted clothes, clothing
ex-boyfriends and one-nightstands left behind. In the end they accumulated the ultimate make
up kit and a gym bag full of clothing, jewellery and hairdresser gear.
[Chapter 3] �" dodgey bogans get a makeover
The ladies
got all excited and wanted to start their mission that night but standing
around the gym bag full of equipment and looking to Caitlyn who was snoring
away in the recliner chair, they decide to wait until Saturday night. They’d have all day to fill Caitlyn in on
their plans.
Saturday
night finally came, and they agreed if they were going to do this, they need to
look tactful. Caitlyn was really creative
at coming up with different looks, so she came up with the ‘SWAT team
look.’ Each girl got dressed in black
cargoes, beret’s, beanies and hoodies…whatever they could find to help hide at
night. When they were all dressed and ready,
they grabbed the gear and sneaked out of the townhouse, hoping the neighbours
wouldn’t see. Sneaking around the dark corners
of their suburb they spotted the first target, a couple of drunken bogans
hanging out at an underpass drinking from bottles of VB. They would drink an
entire bottle in one go and throw the bottle to the concrete floor of the
underpass, smashing it. There was a ginger cat staring at them from the corner
of the entrance, the skinny, Neo-Nazi looking Bogan saw the cat and threw his
light cigarette at it, scaring it off. What
more deserving target could they get?
The ladies
hid behind a bush that was in a ditch facing the underpass, it was perfect as
they could hide but see their target and retreat discreetly if needed. Janine begged Ivy to let her take the shot
and she oblige. Janine didn’t hesitate
and fired a shot only to hit a possum in a tree. It passed out falling to the ground, this made
the Bogans step out of the underpass and stand around the possum staring at it
with their backs facing the ditch where the ladies were hiding. As the bogans stared at the Possum, Ivy
grabbed the gun, suddenly stood up and quickly fired at the first fat bogans
butt and the Neo Nazi’s hip as he was turning towards them. The women waited until both men were passed out,
lying on the footpath in the glow of the pale blue pedestrian light.
They dragged
the unconscious bodies into the ditch, The fat bogan with the brown curly hair
was a struggle and to make things worse his football shorts were pulled off as
they dragged him, revealing that he wasn’t wearing underwear. After the ladies recovered from their repulsion,
they open up the makeover bag and did the best they could with the fashion
accessories they had, gave the guys a quick, stylish haircut then bolted,
changed them into what clothes would fit and then ran off into the night
quietly giggling as Jane left the two unconscious men posed on top of each
other in an affectionate embrace.
As the sun
was coming up the bogans woke up, they yelled, shuffled away from each other’s
arms then realised they had haircuts, their nails were neat and trimmed. Their clothes had been altered or changed. The weirder thing was, they both kind of
liked the way they felt and looked.
They both
stared at each other in the light of the early morning sun, looking different,
feeling different there was a moment of silence as they both said.
“Coffee?”
The fat
Bogan scratched his stylish, short brown curly hair with bare back and sides.
“It’s funny….
I kind of’ want to try that spiced pumpkin and cinnamon coffee the Yanks…. I
mean Americans brag about.”
The Former Neo
Nazi’s eyes light up.
“Oh my God,
me too. But I want it black…. like my
men.”
The fat
Bogan’s jaw dropped. And the Former Neo
Nazi realised what he said.
“Oh my God
did I just say that? It feels good to
finally admit to it, been keeping this a secret for some time. I’m attracted to men…. particularly African
men. Not that I’d only date them but I
just fine that attractive.”
“Wow….and I’m
totally cool with that! Now, let’s go
get coffee.”
The two
reformed young men walked off to find a café nearby that would be open. Brand
new day, brand new look and as much improved individuals.
As time
went by the group that called themselves the Fashion Police were very active to
the point where they could see their work spread throughout the city. Along with the trendy change in appearance the
people’s behaviour changed for the better as the 'Fashion Police' tranquilized so
many bogans. Funny thing was, although the ladies’ actions were out of spite,
the targets are comfortable with their new look, they became friendly and well
mannered.
Police were
baffled, but grateful as to the drop-in crime rate. The number of muggings & bar room brawls plummeted,
and the number of craft breweries increased. The ladies didn't dictate one view of fashion,
they took various styles they figured their victims would like and made it
better. After all, it's the Fashion
Police not the Fascist Police.
THE
END
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