Team Leprechaun

A Story by Karl Herzog

A mining team of Leprechauns dig a tunnel leading to a strange new land where they are stuck and end up making a new home and discover the sport of roller derby.

Roller Deby Team �" leaping Leprechaun

A team of ten Leprechaun miners were digging deep into their mystical homeland within the hills of Ireland. So determined to replenish their empty caverns with gold and the pots at the end of rainbows. They were doing well, filling the carriages with gold, their pouches, sacks and even the packs on their backs. They were finding more than enough that they could treat themselves without being greedy. So excited at their success, they dug, and they dug until they accidentally dug their way out of the tunnel they created. Crawling out of the hole they made in a hillside they tried to figure out where they were. It was night-time and the forest that covered the hillside was different. There weren’t many trees around, they weren’t conifers, and the grass was tall and lightly coloured. They all got out of the hole looking about with the fiery torches of their head lamps and pickaxes in hand. They could see further down the hill ahead was a town illuminated with orange and pale blue lights.

“Fairy lights! Did we accidentally dig a tunnel all the way to Fairy Land?”

Exclaimed a Leprechaun as he stood eyes wide open nearly dropping his pick. He’d never seen so many lanterns that bright and numerous.

“No…”

The work team captain spoke up as he was ahead of the group, right leg on a tree stump and holding his pickaxe across his knee. The silvery haired leprechaun had the look of curiosity as the others looked worried. They were obviously far from home.

The Mining Team Captain stroked his grey beard and then stood up straight, spun around to face the others and started giving orders.

“Alright lads, we’re obviously. Ditch your work tools at the mouth of this tunnel, gather the gold and seal the tunnel. We’ll make our way down this hill best we can.”

Hamish, the second-second-in-command approached Seamus, the Captain as he looked ahead for an easy path down the hill. Hamish scratched at his bushy, orange sideburns as he walked up behind Seamus.

“What do you suppose we do when we get to the bottom of this hill, Seamus?”

Seamus kept looking.

“I dunno’ Hamish. I figure we’ll stop far from that road with all the lights. But close enough to walk to it. We’ll make camp with what we can find. Some of us will investigate the town.”

As the Leprechauns tried to cover up the hole of the tunnel the made it collapsed. The rocks and debris were too heavy for them to move. They were most certainly stuck where they were now.

The Leprechauns carefully wheeled their carts full of gold down the bumpy hill. Eventually they made a safe distance from the road and set up a concealed camp. Hamish stayed behind will Seamus gathered some of the others to bravely cross the wide, magically light road.

The curious Leprechauns walked through a neatly, landscaped park, then the courtyard of a business building complex and crossed a quiet road to the outskirts of the shopping district and were drawn to the roar of a crowd coming from a big hall. A scrawny bald Leprechaun jumped at the yell of the crowd and hid behind Seamus as they walked towards the hall.

“Is that a beer hall? Like a Viking beer hall? As much as I like a pint, I don’t think I wanna’ go in there.”

Seamus chuckled and tried to reassure Blarney.

“Ah…. Blarney, Vikings aren’t going to pick on us. Besides this doesn’t look like a beer hall. It’s so big and made of so many blocks!”

“Its roof is so high…. what if it’s the hall of giants!”

Blarney started to tremble and even Seamus’s face dropped at the thought, but he couldn’t think of anything reassuring to say.

They crept around the corner of the hall and reached the front. Looking through its glass doors they could see into the foyer. They saw women skating from the main hall doors into the foyer. The Leprechauns gave an excited yelp and ran back around the corner.

"Did you see that!? Those were mortal women…. with small wheels on their shoes!"

The leprechauns returned to their camp, excited at their discovery their mood was soon dampened as they huddled in their makeshift-hut and snuggled to stay warm from the night chill. Throughout the night they got very little sleep as they all whispered about what was seen, where they could possibly be and what were they going to do the next day.

In the morning they reluctantly put their gold together and tallied the worth of what they had. Seamus made them divide valuable and food equally between them. The gold they had in carts was for the Leprechauns back home and so they kept that hidden. They all ventured out and walked around the nearest town centre and to their luck they found a prospecting office who'll exchange money for valuable metals. What little gold they were willing to show the prospector was worth more than expected. Straight away they exchanged the gold for money.

The prospector was nervous about giving them such a large amount of money in cash, but Seamus insisted.

“We’re not from around here and haven’t opened a local…. bank account yet.”

The Prospector wasn’t going to argue and went along with the Leprechaun’s request. After that, the first bank they saw they opened up an account in the name of their village. They deposited the money but kept a decent amount on each of them.

"What do we do now, Seamus? We got plenty of money and I don't want to spend another night in the cold."

Said Hamish as they all stood outside the bank wondering what to do next. The mood of the work team went from nervous to excited. They were in a strange new land, had a lot of money to live comfortably so they could afford to explore at their leisure.

Standing outside the bank Seamus saw a free real estate magazine. Hamish noticed it too and grabbed a copy then they found the nearest pub, which happened to be an Irish Pub, the familiarity put them at ease. Seamus ordered a round of pints and flicking through the magazine found the cheapest home possible, a studio apartment. They figured they were small so even all twelve of them would have plenty of space. After lunch they went out searching for the Real Estate Agency which wasn’t too hard to find.

The rest of the day was spent talking to the real estate agent and visiting the studio apartment they saw advertised which was also nearby. By the evening they brought the place and spent the night trying to be discreet and gathering their belongings from their hideout in the bush and wheeling it all the way back to their new home. Later that night they team were scattered around their lounge room, asleep except for Mining Team Captain Seamus, who sat upright staring out the curtainless living room window. Admiring the shine of the orange streetlights but mostly worrying.

“This has been an exciting day but what do we do now, Seamus?”

He jumped at the voice of Hamish who was also wide awake and sitting in the corner on a comfy lounge chair they brought that day from a secondhand store.

“I dunno’ Hamish, I think we’re going to be ‘ere a long time. We may as well get comfortable.”

In two years, the Leprechauns made themselves comfortable. They learnt their way around the area, and they all got jobs working Monday to Friday, but they were bored. It was a lazy Sunday morning, lounging around the living room when they started pinning for home until Kyle, after scratching his shaggy orange hair spoke up.

"What's the name if that sport, they play with small wheels on their shoes?'

There was a moment of silence.

"Oh yeah, I remember that. They call it 'roller derby' I remember seeing it our first night here."

Seamus said as he stroked his long, pointy grey beard. Kyle got excited and started wiggling in his seat.

"Let’s do that!"

Just as quickly as the subject came up, they all agreed. They Stood up from their comfy seat, holding pint sized mugs of coffee out and declared.

"CHEERS!"

They spent that day trying to find a roller-skating rink and again to their luck they found one that ran skate lessons. They signed up and then went around town to every sports store to find roller skates and any gear they needed. The following week they had skate lessons after work then as quick as they made the decision, they signed up for a recruitment course in the local roller derby league. It only took six months for them to master the game. In such small amount of time, they had formed their own team affectionately known as 'Team Leprechaun.'

The league normally divided their skaters into separate teams, but they were allowed this as they could see the strong connection and brilliant teamwork amongst the Leprechauns. Life was good, they had a routine, had fun, won many games and they were enjoying the popularity.

This kept up for a while, but things change, after a successful game they gathered at the pub. A drunk, obnoxious stranger teased, poor Sean just happened to be the brunt of it.

"Hey, you're a Leprechaun! If I grab you, do I get gold?"

The man picked up Sean and a small pot of gold appeared on the bar in front of him. Sean hadn’t seen that in a while and almost forgot about it. The drunk man couldn’t believe his eyes and dropped poor Sean to the hard, sticky, wooden floor as he picked up the old style, black pot that was filled with gold coins. Sean crawled away to the rest of his friends who sat at their table in shock of what just happened. Word got around and a lot of people started grabbing at the Leprechauns for gold.

"If this keeps up our hometown will go broke! I mean…. where do ya’ think this gold is coming from!?"

Complained Sean as the others grabbed their things and walked backwards slowly to the rear doors as the drunken patrons got closer ready to tackle the Leprechauns. But they were small and fast and bolted out the door like a speedy rabbit. Things weren’t the same after that, Seamus tried to reassure them that it was just a negative experience, but these experiences started to increase amongst the group.

To make matters worse, their Roller Derby friends moved on, the new skaters were good but not nearly as friendly, work got worse, they were working back late at night and their skate skills deteriorated, they started losing games, and they lost their fans.

After putting up with this for months the Leprechauns wanted to go home. During a roller derby game, they were discreetly squabbling with each other on the side benches during half time. They were losing...again but this time against the 'Frost Giants'. Debating what to do a frost giant approached their bench. Despite being bad guys in Norse mythology he was actually friendly. He leaned his tall, pale body over the railings and spoke to the Leprechauns in a deep voice with a thick Scandinavian accent.

"I'm surprised to see you here. How'd you guys end up in this part of the world?"

They explained their story.

"Why don't you just get a plane ticket back to Ireland?"

They all stared at each other in amazement, dumbfounded. The thought never occurred to them. The giant was very helpful and gave detailed advice on returning home. When he returned to his team of fellow giants the Leprechauns huddled.

"Look, we’ve had some good times here but so many of the people are rude and pig ignorant. One night a car drove by, they threw a can at me and yelled 'GO BACK TO NEW ENGLAND!' I’ve been insulted before but that doesn't make any sense!"

Blarney argued.

"Can we at least finish the game before we make any big decisions!?" Seamus declared. They used to be so focused on roller derby but this time they couldn’t stop talking about how bad things have become.

In the last few minutes before returning to the track they started listing all the horrible things that happened to them and tallying it against the positive, the negative experiences were overwhelming. They met some friendly people but the majority in their newfound town just wouldn't accept them, they didn’t respect them, they were a joke.

The Leprechauns had just come to terms with how badly things have changed.

In a brief moments silence Seamus made the decision.

“I’m sorry fella’s….it was great while it lasted but we let this drag on too long. I’m sorry to have put you’re a through this. Let’s go home”

“AYE!”

They all agreed. Recounting their bad experiences reinforced how they have grown to hate the place they were in. They forfeited the game and hastily gathered their gear. They just walked out of the stadium leaving a shocked looking group of officials, the audience booing the leprechauns as they walked out some even throwing stuff at them, the Frost Giants just looked disturbed by the audience’s reaction. The Leprechauns walked quickly out of the stadium caught a Taxi Van to their studio apartment gathering what valuables they had left. They made the taxi driver wait; he rolled his eyes until Blarney point out.

“We’ve got more than enough money. We’ll pay you for your time.”

After they packed what they could they left for the airport where they booked the first to Ireland, hanged around the airport for hours on end. But they didn’t complain because they were just glad to be returning to their home.

They finally returned home where a happy crowd of Leprechaun’s greeted them, and they had a lot of stories to tell. Standing in the village square the little people crowded the mining team anxious to hear what happened to them and where they’ve been. They all looked at Seamus for an answer as to why it took them so long to return.

“Well…. for a starters…. we discovered this game called Roller Derby…”

THE END