Nazi Cyborg Dinosaurs of the SS

A Story by Karl Herzog

A silly idea for a secret weapon created for the Nazi's to win the war. The mistake the Nazi's made was they forgot what happened to the Dinosaurs...

During WW2 when the Nazis occupied Austria, they didn’t hesitate to recruit the greatest minds of the land. Anyone who refused to join were captured and forced to design new and exotic weapons for the war effort. One eccentric scientist, referred to as the Mad Professor by his peers saw this happen and though he wasn’t entirely thrilled with the Nazi Party occupying his country, he did see this crisis as an opportunity to get noticed and make a name for himself in the Science community.

The Mad Professor had a good hunch the Nazi ‘recruiters’ were coming to his lab. After all he his home wasn’t hard to find. In a suburb just outside of town, up a cobblestone road lined with old style white buildings with dark brown wooden frames, at the top of the little suburban hill stood a small castle tower.

This was the Mad Professors home and inside the bowels of the tower was the dungeon which served as his science lab…and laundromat.

While he was above the dungeon in the tower, he was looking out the narrow, arched window, with dark brown hashed frames lining the glass. He could see the black car pull up outside his white picket front yard. Two Nazi’s got out.

“Huh, not very discreet at all.”

Muttered the mad professor as he emptied the smouldering ash of his pipe on the small pot plant that sat on the windowsill, brushed his grey wiry hair that stood out from the side of his balding head. He stood up from the wooden chair and threw on his white lab coat as he ran down the spiral staircase, into the foyer and opened the arched, wooden front door. An SS Officer was just about to knock on the door with a black, leather glove clad fist. He enthusiastically greeted the officers and already directed the inside, walking through the foyer to the back staircase that wound down into the dungeon. The whole time the Nazi’s explained why they were there to see him. But the Mad Professor just waved aside their speech as he was already sold on the idea.

In his lab he showed the two officers why he was so willing. He walked to the large, solid wooden table that stood in the middle of the lab. It looked like it was meant for woodwork or blacksmithing in that it had vice clamps fixed to the side. On top of the table was cluttered with items and partly covered with a dusty white cloth.

He pulled back the sheet and unveiled a crate of odd, large eggs next to a mountaineer hiking pack with wires protruding from inside and attached to a helmet with an antenna on top. It looked like something from a cheesy American science-fiction serial.

"I've managed to retrieve dinosaur DNA and mix it with the DNA of a common lizard. The end result of this is these eggs and once the eggs hatch, the creatures inside will be injected with an accelerated growth hormone they'll grow up to fit into these mind control helmets."

The SS officers looked at each other thinking.

'Is he crazy?'

"With this electronic device surgically attached to the Thunder Lizard’s brain…. Thunder Lizard, that’s what I call them. Along with any extra weapons attached you can have Cyborg Dinosaurs fighting for the Fuhrer!"

But the black uniformed officers weren't convinced. The scientist beckoned to a large square cage with a sheet draped over it standing at the far corner of the lab.

"See for yourself!"

He unveiled a cage with a sleeping dinosaur, German helmet with Nazi Swastika, one eye looked like it had been replaced with a short telescope with a target on the lenses, antenna and chords leading to its pack.

Complete with Nazi arm band, the professor shouted an order, and the creature woke up suddenly, clicked its heals and gave its best Nazi salute as best a lizard could. The Nazi’s stared at each other with amazement and then enthusiastically applauded the Professors demonstrations.

“Welcome aboard, Professor!’

Project Lightening Lizards (renamed) was on the way. Successfully tearing up western Europe and making their prehistoric war path to the east, scratching, bighting, stomping all opposing weapons, structures, vehicles and eating enemy soldiers that got in their way. Allied forces heard rumours but were baffled to what Lightening Lizards were. Only thing they knew, they were Nazis, they were fast, they were monstrous and left a gory mess.

The LL (Lightening Lizards) alongside the German Army blitzkrieg across Eastern Europe making it into Russia. That was when things went horribly wrong.

The HQ that sent the LL along with Infantry sent a few SS officers to the last known location the LL were camped, an abandoned Russian farmstead lightly dusted in snow. The officers showed up to see uncouth German soldiers lying around, tired, lazy and battle weary but happy and well fed, eating schnitzel with boiled potatoes and sauerkraut. They were scattered around the front yard of the farmhouse.

The Nazi’s looked around in disgust but saved any reprimanding for later, their orders were to find out what happened to the experimental LL that the Nazi party spent so much money on. The CO of the encampment came out of the farmhouse.

"Welcome"

The officers weren't impressed, and it showed. Their arms crossed, stiff upper lip and brows arched with the glare or disappointment.

"Why are your soldiers lying about? Why is everyone eating sauerkraut? Where are our lightening lizards?”

The steely eyed Nazi uncrossed his arms and waved his hands around indicating the lazy soldiers and absence of Lightning Lizards, his co-worker often wondered if his mate had Italian heritage with the way he moved his hands around when talking. The CO was undeterred. He smirked and wiped the monocle of his left eye with a white cloth.

"Ahhh the lightening lizards, yes.”

The CO put the monocle back on and glared at the two visitors with his steely-blue eyes.

“Something the Fuhrer forgot about, dinosaurs..."

It was cold and snowing but as the officers were walking around, they saw soldiers making themselves comfortable, clad in grey army trench coats and wrapped in army issued blankets, sitting around fires eating schnitzel.

“Now I’m not a science professor but what do you think killed the dinosaurs….?

The CO asked the two visiting officers as they looked around the snow-covered field. Pine forest in distance, men scattered around but no sign of their super weapon. As the CO talked, he walked towards the farmhouse and the Nazi’s automatically followed.

"It was the ice age that killed the dinosaurs so what would happen to Nazi Cyborg Dinosaurs if they entered the beginning of a Russian winter..."

They stepped into the farmhouse where the cook stepped out of the kitchen on their left and offered them a plate of Schnitzel. The officers couldn't turn down a free feed, so they sat at the wooden table that was in the middle of the otherwise bare living room. The inhabitants long gone leaving nothing much apart from the table, chairs, red eastern patterned rug on the floor and that was it. The officer’s mood decreased a bit as they appreciated a hot, cooked meal. The blonde-haired officer spoke up between mouthfuls of food.

"What happened to the dinosaurs?"

They continued to eat.

"Well, it's the start of Russian winter and we're short of food but with large, dead reptiles. They did very well but as soon as this Russian winter hit…. they couldn’t handle the cold any more than we could so one-by-one they died"

Officers still eating but slowing down as they started to realise where this was going. The thought they were both thinking.

‘If the Lightning Lizards died their large bodies would be visibly lying around.’

The blond-haired officer stopped eating for a moment and broke the momentary pause.

"So…. where are their bodies?!"

The CO laughed.

"You're eating them! Dinosaurs are great schnitzel, yes?"

THE END