Roller Derby Country

Fictional Scandinavian country makes roller derby their national sport. Problem is majority of people can't read and their's only one copy of the rules!

 

Far north eastern Europe was the little known island country of Ayavon.  The Ayavon government wanted to update into a more unique country and was to established a national sport that was different to other countries, but they couldn't think of one.  It was a while when a young, dopey looking, golden blonde curly haired man spoke up in parliament questioning the random idea of Roller Derby.

 

"But why a roller skating sport, we're in snow and ice country, why not ice hockey?"

 

"Because that's too predictable for us and Roller Derby although popular in some parts of the west is unique.  Also, Ice Hockey is already a national sport and Russia, Canada and the US"

 

Spoke the academic looking man who physically looked young despite the head full of straight silver hair.  The president, who could be mistaken for Judge Judy if it weren’t for her Scandinavian accent listened closely to the ‘silver fox’ and found his idea agreeable.

 

It was the winning argument and Roller Derby became the national sport, because of a budget they printed one copy of the rules to roller derby but there was a bigger problem, few people could read.  Only one person had a copy of the rule, Vlad and he managed the Ayavon Roller Derby Association.

 

Vlad took the document home and would sit in his domestic office under his UV lamp and read all sixty-four pages of the rules.  The document would sit on his fat belly as he’d skim the pages through his thick, black rimmed glasses.  Vlad would scratch the top of his grey curly head as he did when trying to soak in information.  He finished reading and realised

 

‘I’m one of the few that can read and the only one who’s read these rules…. I can tell people anything I want and they’d be none the wiser.’

 

As the Ayavon Roller Derby Association was under way, roller derby training sessions commenced.  Community sports halls were filled with Vlad and committee people listening to Vlad’s every word, sporting coaches giving instructions and figuring out how to pay the game.  Vlad noticed how quickly people signed up for training, officials, recruits, referees and trainers where hanging on Vlad's every word he'd say and jump to it, then ask how high and jump again.

 

Vlad loved his senior position in the Ayavon Roller Derby Association but it got to his head.

 

‘I can have a lot of fun with this influence.’

 

He would make up silly little rules and people would go with it without question.  After all they couldn't read and even the few that could, didn't have the patience or the time to read sixty-four pages!  It didn't take long for Vlad to make ridiculous demands, then Vlad started escalating his power and eventually people started to worry.

 

The Ayavon Roller Derby training continued like this for some time

 

One day a referee, Mamma Papa a feminine but big burly bald man questioned a command Vlad gave and was chastised for it in front of the team of new recruits at their first training session for the term.  Humiliated and angry, Mamma Papa kept his annoyance to himself.  Without telling anyone he contacted a highly influential Roller Derby champion in the USA, her derby name was Sweet 'n Short.  While doing this he gathered the top Roller Derby people and taught them how to read specifically the rules of derby, this started to spread.  It didn’t take long for these roller derby people to start questioning what Vlad was doing and so they stated plotting.

 

Months later Sweet N Short arrived at Ayavon’s airport.  She wasn't hard to pick out as she was the only petite Asian lady in the country’s airport.  Mamma Papa picked her up in his sedan that he worked so hard in cleaning, explained the best he could bout the situation and took her straight to a community hall where the entire Ayavon Roller Derby Association (except for Vlad of course) was there eager to meet Sweet N Short.  She spoke to the large group, explained what she knew of the history of skating and roller derby, talked about how they run things at home.  The association were hanging on her every word. 

 

The people started to asked questions.

 

"Is it really necessary for the women's Roller Derby team to have nude inspections?"

 

Sweet N Short’s jaw dropped and she stuttered as she tried to answer.

 

“WHAT!?  No!”

 

She exclaimed in the tone she’d use for when someone was trying to be funny but was just offensive.

 

"Yeah, and does the manager really need to have photos of these nude inspections?"

 

It was at this point that Sweet N Short saw the serious looks on people’s faces.  They weren’t being funny and these people were being taken advantage of.

 

‘Whoever’s in charge of this association is a real sleaze!’

 

She thought as she struggled to answer awkward questions.

The women were in unity with the previous question and then the men pipped up.

 

"Yeah, and why is it we get the cheap uniforms that fall apart and tear easily and less games?  Is that really in the rules?"

 

Sweet N Short looked overwhelmed and couldn’t keep up with the questions.  More men started to ask questions.

 

"Does skating anti-derby really fast really summon Satan?"

 

Another man added.

 

"I heard it makes you go back in time!"

 

"Is it necessary for the men's team to have prostate exams?"

 

It was a long meeting and Sweet N Short had her work cut out.  The women’s teams had a lot of queries and complaints, a lot of them bordering on sexual harassment.  When she heard the men’s complaints it’s as if the head of the association was taking advantage of the women and neglecting the men.  Luckily, Sweet N Short came prepared with a copy of the rules to roller derby with her.  When Sweet N Short managed to regain herself from being overwhelmed she answered their questions and corrected any misguided views. 

 

After a while Vlad was exposed as a fraud, more people learned to read and the education in Novaya quickly improved.  Vlad got kicked off the committee then his wife took the kids and split when she found his photos under their bed then he got arrested for indecent exposure.