Drag Man

A Story by Karl Herzog

A security gaurd/cleaner discovers super powers when wearing womens clothing. He fights crime in drag and gets around on roller skates, hence he is DRAG MAN!

Drag Man

By K.Herzog

Jim may be a security guard but he was really a glorified cleaner. He was late for the night shift at the rubbish tip, so busy cleaning out the house that Jim lost track of time. He felt dirty, sweaty, tired and now he was frustrated about being late and lacking underwear. His uniform was ready but no clean underwear to be found. Jim saw the pile of dirty laundry sitting on the floor in the corner of the bedroom. The one thing he didn’t get around to doing. The clothing smelt like damp hair and covered in filthy and mysterious stains from work that are permanent. Jim then noticed the clean underwear in his girlfriend’s half opened drawer. Not neatly folded but shoved into the drawer and not even closed properly. She had no patience for minor tasks, not unlike Jim. Although frustrating it can be they were both equally as messy and it made Jim laugh, he couldn’t stay mad at her. Jim was desperate so he threw on a pair of her underwear.

‘It’s the twenty-first century, why can’t she wear a cool pair of undies with Bat Man, Spider Man or Super Man…. something like that!?’

Jim thought to himself as he frantically put on the bright pink Hello Kitty underwear.

“Hmmmmmmm a bit tight!”

Jim mumbled out loud. He was running out of time and had to put up with the restrictive, feminine underwear.

Jim made it to his shift at the rubbish tip to say dayshift workers driving out main gate. He drove in and parked near the front office, walked in and clocked on at the ticket machine near the door. He walked through to the back of the office where the tea room was, went in and put his dinner in the fridge, when he turned around he bumped into the manager. The manager was standing in the doorway, his potbelly forcing Jim to bounce backwards. Jim jumped back with fright, then composed himself and straightened out his shirt and cap as he does when feeling startled. The manager ignored this and just held out a bunch of keys.

“Here’s the keys to the gates. I think day shift left some obstructions in the roadways. After you’ve checked the gates and fence line clear the stuff out of the way. Ta!”

Before Jim could say ‘ok’ the manager walked quickly to the door, clocked off and left. He took off his black cap with the red and white security logo, ran his fingers through his black wavy hair in frustration.

It was night time, everyone else was gone and the rubbish tip was hot, humid and smelt like one giant dirty nappy.

“Why couldn’t I get a job as a security guard at a perfume bottle recycling place.”

Jim spoke out loud as he often does when alone. It got better later at night as the rubbish tip cooled down and Jim loved being out side at night.

The first obstruction Jim saw was an old style fridge, lying on its side in the middle of a dirty roadway. There was no way Jim cold lift it so he figured he would roll it to the side. With a groan of frustration, Jim braced himself as he got ready to roll the fridge expecting it to be really heavy and just slide on the ground. Instead it sped off grating the ground, tumbling quickly and crashing hard into a mountain of rubbish causing an avalanche of garbage bags. Jim was stunned at what just happened.

‘I know I’ve been working out a lot and drinking protein shakes but there’s no way I could’ve done that!’

Jim thought to himself as he took his cap off and brushed his hair back with his hand. Jim didn’t know what to make of what happened so he ignored it and carried on with his duties, but the night went by with incidences happening as if Jim didn’t know his own strength. It reminds him very march of Clark Kent in the original Super Man movies. Jim was amazed at how well he dealt with lifting heavy items. Out of curiosity he picked up a steel can and discovered he could crush it like a paper cup. The night went by quickly, it was midnight and his shift had ended. Jim drove home but dropped by an oval on the way, it was nice and quiet so he figured he’d experiment again. He would normally wind down after work by doing four laps around the oval, his experiment was to see how fast he could run tonight. Jim finished in thirty seconds.

“NO WAY!”

Jim went home, threw his filthy clothes in the wash, had a shower, tried to watch TV and calm down from the evening’s odd event, then crawled into bed snuggling up to his girlfriend.

The next day Jim couldn’t repeat the results of the previous night, he was baffled. The rest of the day was like before except Jim was late this time for trying to experiment. But again, like yesterday he had no clean underwear and had to borrow his girlfriends. Going to work he figured he’d experiment one more time and discovered his powers have returned.

‘Must be wearing women’s clothing gives me super powers!’

First thing Jim thought of was to be a hero and use his powers to fight crime. He always wanted to be a hero, do something that matters but Jim as no good at detective work, he couldn’t even guess he murderer in Colombo. His best method was to hang around high risk areas at night and wait for a crime about to be committed. After reading about all the crime in his local newspaper he felt that was a good start. Jim paid attention to the places and timing of crimes that had been committed, then he would don the women’s underwear, b**b tube, mini skirt, fish net stockings and skates. Jim chose to go around on skates because it he was inspired by the resilience of women in roller derby….and he had a pair of skates which hadn’t been used in ages. Hence he called himself ‘Drag Man.’ Also he figured going around on skates would be more fun.

Jims first night was skating past a shopping centre that was closed. There were some dodgy people hanging out in the parking lot smoking bongs. One of them yelled something at Jim but he ignored them.

‘It’s going to take more than that to set me off. Besides, I’m saving my efforts for a more offensive crime to be committed.’

He thought to himself. He kept skating on the pathway through an alley behind a block of flats, sure enough Jim heard footsteps running behind him, he couldn’t ignore it because it was late at night and they were heading towards him. Jim knew something was wrong. Just as he turned on his skates to see, something hit him on the rear-side of his skate helmet. He stumbled a bit, super powers or not, the surprise was enough to throw him off. But he composed himself and faced his opponent. The man had a metal pole in his left hand and continued to hit Jim on the right side of his helmet. It had no effect as Jim was wearing a helmet. Jim just did a kung Fu style circular chopping motion with his right hand, blocking and striking the offending arm, he then grabbed the man’s left wrist and with Jim’s left hand did a palm strike to the sternum. Doing this while in a basic fighting stance standing on his toe stops, Jim let go of the man and watched him fly backwards and hitting the ground, clutching his chest and gasping for air as well as holding his left wrist up as if it were in great pain. Jim didn’t feel sorry for the stranger, after reading about all the crimes in the newspaper and this assault attempt was totally unprovoked, Jim didn’t say anything or look at the man for this kind of response. He was trying to think of something clever to say.

‘Nah…..I got nothing. That’s enough for one night anyway.’

He skated home, a job well done.

Jim kept this up and stopped a lot of criminals, he even retrieved stolen goods which he managed to leave at Police stations. But winter was coming and it was getting colder, too cold to wear a min skirt. Also his girlfriend was getting suspicious and wondering why she was running out of clean clothes and where was Jim going to late at night. So was the end of Drag Man.

But wait…..Jim just realised.

‘Hang on a minute…. when I got these powers I wasn’t wearing women’s clothing…I was just wearing women’s underwear, it’s the underwear that gives me powers!’

And so Jim continued a life of heroics but well balanced between work and his girlfriend so to avoid suspicion and also in men’s clothing…. but still wearing women’s underwear!