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I didn't mean to kill her… These were the last word that anyone every heard from me before they shut me away for good.

Let me take you back to the beginning where this all began.. I always knew I was gonna do something crazy but I never thought I was going to kill anyone . I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals because people always thought that I was “ crazy”  but Amy my best friend  always saw the best in me and stood by my side through the whole thing. She would visit me all the time and she even convinced the doctors that I was well enough to go home.

It was Wednesday morning this was the first time I have been back to school in months. I said to myself “ Okay the past is in the past let's make this a good day”. I met up with Amy and we walked to class together passing though people who kept whispering and looking at me saying “ what is she doing her”. Next came Evalyn my “ex best friend” Evalyn and I have lived across the street from each other since we were babies.

“ Look who's back, stalking me I see. You were always obsessed with me”.  I  turned my back and ran away. I thought to myself “ Am I wrong for coming back here? What did I do so bad to be treated like this?  

I didn’t go back to school for a few day after that I needed a plan, a plan that        would help me get revenge on evalyn for making me like this.  I thought long and hard about how I would get my vengeance. Then it came to me maybe if I act really nice toward her and start to get close again I would learn all about her secrets then put them out there and she wouldn't know what hit her.

  I finally returned to school and the first thing I did was ask Evalyn if we could start over clean slate. She said “ yeah we can do that on one condition you do what I say got it?” “Yeah sure”I replied.  So it began I was her “friend” again if that's what you wanna call it.

It's been a few weeks now and things were going according to plan she’s been telling me everything.  She told me that she cheated on her boyfriend and I knew that is what I needed to get my revenge. The following day I left a note for her boyfriend that read “ Your girl isn't as loyal as you think ask your buddy about her” Obviously I didn’t say who it was from. Just like  I thought was going to happen he confronted her and of course she denied everything but I knew the truth.

I stayed at her house that night,she was vulnerable and couldn't believe what happened that day. I knew it was my time to strike so I told her to just rest and let me take care of her. When I knew she was out that is when I started to dig through her room to see if there was any other dirt I could dig up on her to help bring her down like she did to me.  Then there it was her secret to being “ perfect”   it was a letter that read things about her that she told everyone but come to find out everything she’s been telling are complete lies. I was too into the letter and I didn’t notice she started to wake up.

“ What are you doing?” Evalyn asked “ Oh nothing just finding out you aren't who you say you are.” The next thing I know she was coming at me I knew what I had to do this was my chance to put her away for good so she doesn't treat  people the way she treated me.

“ I always knew you were psycho but no one believed me but wait till they find out” Evalyn said. “Psycho you think i'm psycho oh honey you haven't seen nothing yet.”

I knew I had to act fast so that is when I pulled out the blade that I always keep with just incase and this was the perfect opportunity to use it.  “Evalyn,Evalyn,Evalyn you thought that I wanted to be friends well think again I was just doing the same thing you did to me.”  I got close enough to her and dragged the blade across her pretty little face. “ Not so pretty anymore huh.”  I didn’t give her time to say anything before I took a jab at her stomach. ”this is what you deserve now know one will be like me because of you.”  

I knew it was over when her blood was all over the room. The next thing I know I was being held down. I must have blacked out after finishing her. I was being taken back to a mental hospital but this time this was one that was far away so that I had no contact with the outside world. Over and over I kept getting asked “what drove you to kill her” “ Why did you do it” . I told everyone the exact same thing “ she deserved it,She made me like this so I did everyone a favor so she couldn’t do it again.”

That was it my job was done now I just get to keep to myself and never worry about anyone ever again. The last words anyone ever heard from me were “ I hate  her for what she did to me but I did what I had to do”. That was it they shut me away for ever and know one ever heard from me again.  

It's been a few months and they told me if I ever want a chance to get out someday i have to write in this stupid journal about anything i want to really. So I wrote about how much I hated this place and the people in it.  

“ Kat it's time for your daily session” the security guard said as he opened my room.  “ I mean if i must go i'm just gonna sit there and not talk again like I usually do”

I made it to the room where the session was being help come to find out instead of one on one it was a group session. “ just my luck” I said quietly.  We all went around the room saying who we were and why we're in this place. When it got to me

I  hesitated because I thought to myself that didn't didn't need to know but i eventually stood up and said “ my names kat,i'm in here because  i pretend to be this girl's friend,learned all her secrets and used them against her but it all got out of hand and i ended up killing her. It seemed like forever till the session was over. “ oh it’s over finally!”  Next it was time for lunch. Today's lunch was some sorta mystery meat. “ Why the heck do they feed us like we're prisoners!” I yelled as I got my food. I didn’t even eat that day I usually don’t because it’s never good. If we don’t get the food they usually send us back to our room so I usually just get it and sit there till it’s time to the room.  When I got back to my room the first thing I did was pull out my journal and write in it.  “ dear dumb journel, that's how I start this thing right? Well lets see what to write about.. Today was a group day and I actually talked about why I was there which was surprising to some people because i don’t usually talk at these things.  I guess that's all for now because I don't really know what to write anymore.

The following day was visitors day and of course Amy was the only one to ever visit me since the incident. My own family doesn’t even come to see me because their perfect little girl is gone. The visit with Amy always goes the same she tells me about how schools going and about how she visits my family and I tell her about everything that happens here.  The visit went fast like it usually does they only give about and hour for a visit and there's very strict rules like no hugging and no whispering they must hear what you are saying. When Amy left everyone had to go back to their rooms for the night.

A few day after the visit is was Friday which meant it was “fun day” so basically we got to play games and just hang around. I noticed that there was this new guy in the room.  He was pretty tall,blue eyes and had nice hair. So I decided to go up and talk to him. I was like “ hey you must be new here what's your name?” I’m tate” he said shyly.  I asked him “ what did you do to get thrown in this nut house? “ He was hesitant about answering and then he replied “ I stabbed someone  by accident”  “ By accident I said” “Yes accident he got to close to me when I was holding the knife and it just happened. It didn’t kill him though”. I wanted to ask him what he meant by it just happened but by that time free time was over and we had to go back to our rooms.  

I pondered all night about what he said, I mean how  can you accidentally stab someone?  I didn’t get much sleep that night. One minute I was asleep the next thing I know there was a guard ponding at my door telling me it's time to get up.  I didn’t get up at first so he left an eventually came back and said if I didn't get up I wouldn’t be allowed visitation for a week so I got up because I couldn't do that to Amy she would be devastated if she didn't get to see me.  I made it to the room where they held breakfast and I saw Tate I went over to him to see how he was doing.

“How are you doing in this place?” I asked. I’m not too sure how I feel about not being in control of my own life in here?” He replied. “ I mean it's not that bad once you get to know the place.”  Once again I asked him what he meant when he said “ I accidently stabbed him.” He just looked at me and tried to change the subject by that time I had to go to my therapy session.

I didn’t know if I wanted to tell her about Tate but then I did. I told her that there's this new guy that has been very mysterious. I said “ I keep asking him why he's here and he gives a brief statement and then just goes quiet.” “ Maybe he doesn’t want to share anything about what he has done,he's trying to move on from it. I thought to myself maybe she's right but I gotta know what he meant when he said it happen by “accident”. The next thing I knew my session was over and it was time for lunch.

Todays meal was some kind of mystery meat,I attempted to eat it but I regretted it right away. Then I saw Tate walk in I didn’t know if I should go say hi or keep my distance. I just stayed put if he wanted to talk to me then he would come talk to me. I sat in silence as I waited for lunch was over. I didn’t talk to him,He didn’t talk to me at all that day.

Later that night I laid awake wondering why I was so obsessed with what this guy has said. Maybe its some kind of connection we have or what is it? I'm not sure but I need to get some sleep I have Amy coming in the morning to visit me.

Amy was the first one there in line when they first opened up I knew she was just as excited to see me as I was her.  I didn’t know what to tell her first so I just asked “ how has she been?” She said “ I've been okay I guess. I told her about how much I miss her and that I met this guy named Tate that was sorta mysterious and that I didn’t know much about since all he told me was that he stabbed someone by accident. I knew it wasn’t my place to tell her that but I had to get it out and tell someone else.  “ How do you accidentally stab someone” she replied. “Beats me he won't tell me what happen”

At that time it was time for her to leave. Even though she only gets to see me for a few minutes she still comes to see me when she can.

Eventually it was time for me to go back to my room because all the day's activities were through so they threw everyone right back into are rooms so that we were out of the way. While i was in my room all i did was stare at the ceiling til i fell asleep which usually took forever or some nights i don't sleep at all. Morning came too soon and I knew what i had to do I  had to confront tate and get him to tell me if stabbing that guy was really an accident or did he do it on purpose. I waited all day and i never seen him so i did the unusual thing and asked about where he was. I came to find out that he was removed from the ward and took to an actual prison because he was found guilty of stabbing that guy on purpose. I didn't know what to think at that moment I thought that what I did was bad but I guess some people have it worse than what I have did.  From then on I kept to myself the rest of the time i’m gonna be  in here because I don't want to get attached to anyone again like I  did tate.  

Months went by and I came to the conclusion that I was never going to get out of here so I just went with the everyday flow and eventually I was allowed to have home visits and they always went well but that's all I have to say for now.. That's my story and i’m sticking to it..  Till next time.

 

Author's Note

This my first attempt at writting something seriously so there may be some mistakes

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

You did well with the first story. I must re-edit. First copy always rough. Always remember the who, what, where,when and how of every situation. You create dangerous and deadly situation in the story. I did liked the ending. Thank you Karissa for sharing the interesting story.
Coyote

[Kibbles and Quips]

Hello, there.

You say that this is your first attempt at writing something serious. You have some good things here: the relationship with Amy, Kat's idea and infatuation with Tate, and the drama with Evalyn. But there are some major things that you need to fix.

First, grammar and punctuation. There are many sentences which were confusing for me to read because either the grammar didn't match or the punctuation was wrong or just left out. When you have spoken dialogue, quotation marks must always come before the first letter and after the punctuation (,.!?) which ends the spoken phrase.

For example,
Frank said, "Hello, my darling. How are you?"
or
"Hello, my darling," Frank said, "How are you?"
or
"Hello, my darling. How are you?" Frank said.

Additionally, with dialogue, separate the voices from each other. Most of the time there should never be two or more characters with dialogue in one paragraph.

For example,

Cassie said, "I am alright, hon'. How do you fair?"
Frank responded, "Good to hear and doin' good, myself."

The separation makes for distinction between who is speaking.

Beyond that, because I cannot highlight everything, I recommend reading this piece aloud to yourself. People speak in a rhythm, so, when you read your words out loud, you will hear the rough patches in the sentences and phrases and what needs to be smoothed over.

Those are my editing thoughts.

As far as the story and structure, you gotta think of what you are trying to say and be mindful of that at all times and be mindful on how you are saying it. For instance, you introduce the reader to Amy and state how important she was rather quickly but then immediately to Evalynn and Amy is not seen again until sometime into Kat's admittance into the Mental Ward. Further on Evalynn (and on the piece as a whole), there is too much telling. Show, don't tell. The reader should see what is happening between Kat and Evalynn, not just being told that weeks pass by.

And the last thing that I'll talk about, pacing. In the matter of a couple pages, the reader shouldn't be jumping significantly forward in time several times over. When you stop at a point, explore it, see where it takes you. Don't be afraid to linger and walk around and just observe. Step into your character's shoes and see where she takes you.

Regardless, I did enjoy this, however raw it was. You can write! You just need to refine your craft.

Thanks for sharing! Please keep writing!

-Kenn

[Karissa]

Thanks Like I said this is just a rough draft I just wanted to get this out there to get criticized about it an how to improve it. I appreciate your review
-Karissa