Intro.

I am a writer.

Not by choice, but by compulsion. I write my thoughts out, like this, to no one in particular. The majority of my life is on paper; Every day, every year for over 10 years in a collection of diaries. My very first one, however, was a Lion King diary from second grade, in which I wrote out how I must marry Anthony Ventucci, the boy in my sister's eighth grade class, and would sign my name "Karina Ventucci." I was 7. 

I write to savor the moments that I'm terrified will get lost and forgotten somewhere in time if I don't document them. I write with the deepest intention to create a connection to anyone who takes the time out to read what I have to say. I write with the hopes that I can be understood; that I won't feel so lost inside my own head, and that you, too, might find that solace as well.

Most of the time I am thinking of ways of how I can be better, do better, feel better- whatever "better" really is.
I spend the majority of my life in deep thought about everything.
Sometimes I wonder about the origins of things we take for granted, like language, technology, or how our bodies just work. But most days, second by second, hour to hour, I think about life.
I think about the way we all know were going to die, and yet that doesn't seem to matter to any of us right now. How stupid and immature we all act, every one of us, when we focus on bullshit, when we are mean, and harbor anger. When we hurt people just to bring them down, when we put on fronts and play games
- how completely pointless all that is, when we have a limited time here.

I think about the people I have loved- not just lovers, but friends too- and how it seems that the ones I have loved the most, are the ones who have caused me the most pain. They are my biggest muses of all.
Sometimes I think there's something terribly wrong with me that I don't see, and that fear keeps me up at night.


I rattle my brain replaying the past, trying to stay in the present. I ache with missing certain people, even though I know I shouldn't. I wish, pray, and yearn to reach a place where I have all that I want: Love, peace, success. Happiness. But it always feels like somethings missing, or something getting taken away, or something being added. 

Maybe it's just me, but this is what I write about; this is why I write. This is my life, through my eyes, and I invite you to take a peek into my world. Please, try to be kind 

as you step into my supernova....

Reviews

[khalid]

you have been writing about youeself but i think you have been writing about every writer, if not every human being. i think that all people have most, if not all, the same feelings you do. i loved all what you have mentioned here..how you have been related to writing, how you lived writing from an early age...

then older, your opinion of life aspects; concerning death, sometimes i think, why do we have to face all of such difficulties in life, work, responsibilities, hard times, if it will be all to death? i think you have mentioned this in the same way i thought.

concerning love, yes, the more we love, the more pain we feel if we get hurt. we can overcome any pain coming from strangers but we cant live with tiny pains coming from the people we love because we consider them as parts of us..

we think, we live...thinking of different aspects of life is a healthy thing. we have memories of the past, we are living the present, we have hopes and dreams for the future so it is normal to think of them all..

i loved how you have penned this mind provoking piece..i loved the series of thought steps you went through..i loved how you have picked your words, i loved how you have been brave to spill what is in your mind on the paper..

[KarinaVee]

This meant so much to me! Thank you for your positive review, I'm so glad that you can relate to where I am coming from. Please stay tuned for the rest that I post!

All the best,
Karina

[khalid]

my pleasure, what do you mean that i relate to where you are coming from?

[KarinaVee]

That you understand what I am feeling

[Relic]

To be curious about things is how we learn. You write with have deep thoughts here that are interesting. There are two or three very minor typos here, but you do write very well and that is so refreshing to see. I wish you luck with your further writings.

[KarinaVee]

Thank you very much! And please, what are the typos? I re-read these things over and over & I know there's still some my brain misses so I'd love to fix them. I hope you read the rest, there much more to come!

[Relic]

I will. I'm in a rush but I promise I'll re-read when I come back in an hour. :)

[Relic]

I'm not a professional, these are just things I noticed.

I am a writer.
(Not by choice, but by compulsion.) Not a full sentence.

I am a writer.
I write not by choice, but by compulsion.

The majority of my life is on paper; (Every) no need to capitalize after semi-colon. You may be better off with a period instead.

I have all that I want: Love, peace, success. Happiness. (two periods make them fragments. Love, peace, success and happiness.)

But it always feels like (somethings { something's}) missing, or something getting taken away, or something being added.

[KarinaVee]

Oh I see what youre saying, that's just my style of writing. I realize some sentences are not structurally correct but I do it on purpose. Thank you though

[Relic]

Okay, no problem.