My mind

Little do people know this is how i thing and feel...

They tell me this place is safe
Yet I still don’t fit in
I crawl on my knees and cry out for courage
Yet I’m still that scared little girl again
Lost in this big world
Wishing to never be alone
Yet I drive everyone away
I can’t be myself with out fraying away
Holding back
Only saying the nervous tongue tied words
I could never take them back
Why am I still nervous
Why can’t I be normal and run with this pack
I blame my over worked mind that causes my actions
The ones I wish to take back
The agitating actions that makes me see only others backs
Hiding there real judgment about me
Telling others about me
I heard it all before nothing new to me
Its like I could never change enough
It makes me go insane thinking about every word I’m saying wrong
I’m letting theses anxieties hold me back
They cause me so much pain and worry
Making me emotionally and physically drained
Can’t go on like this
I keep praying but everything is the same
I know I’m this fool to them
If only they know I’m always thinking
‘What can I do? What can I say? What am I going to say to make them go away?’
If only they knew I shy away
Never saying what needs to be said
To reveal what’s in my mind
I’m sure they’ll feel blind at what damages they find