Chapter 6 A Broken Bliss

CHAPTER 6

Broken Bliss

Soon after Jesse's departure I found myself thinking of all that he had done. The effort he put into his little home was almost disconcerting, for him this was not a temporary arrangement that much was clear. I kept reminding myself that he was not in love, that he was crazy, and possessive. The amount of effort he put into designing the house was almost as unnerving as his constant focus on making me realize his feelings for me and accept them. He wanted me to be a little toy doll in a fancy house. I was something to keep, not someone to love….I kept repeating this all in my head pacing the little area around the bed. I was going to go crazy; I needed to get my mind off of all of this. It would be good to walk around and see what I could discover. The added bonus to this was that Jesse would get used to the idea of me moving around and not trying to escape, which in turn increased my odds greatly when the time came to do so.

I stole out of my room during what I can only assume were the wee hours of the morning, it had been quite some time since Jesse had left me, and best I could tell he kept a relatively regular schedule. The flames in the oil lamps were kept down very low, and some of them in fact were extinguished in the extravagant hallway. Seeing as there were only four doors to the whole hall and a locked trapdoor at the end furthest from my old prison, I didn't have much exploring to do and the minimum light available to me was more than sufficient. I'd seen the washroom and the kitchen, deductive logic would tell me that since I'd seen the kitchen and the washroom that the only room I hadn't ventured into must be his. I didn't want to give him the idea that I had any romantic intention coming to him in the middle of the night, but I think that if I happened to that I could rectify the problem rather quickly. As sweet and caring as he had been today, even though I was admittedly feeling guilty for playing him, he was still my kidnapper and I still needed to get free. I made a mental note though, to be as nice and caring to him as he was to me, it didn't really sit right with me to be as cruel as I had been knowing that he must be severely disturbed and probably a really nice guy underneath whatever really massive insecurities and delusions he carried. That being said I was going to put on a face and see about having a peek around his room; it would give clues to triggers and was probably the room that his guard was most lax in.

As I approached his room I heard some slightly off key and rather broken tune issuing forth. I idly wondered if it was him for a few moments before continuing onward. With my room to compare it to in advance, his room, although full of the same type of intricate old furniture, was no surprise to me. He was in front of another one of those weird built-so-well-into-the-wall-it-looked-like-it-was- part-of-it T.V.'s. The broken song was coming from the T.V., and now that I was closer and could hear it properly I knew the song, and I knew the voice. It was Aiden, my Aiden singing the song he danced with me to. He was singing "Can't Help Falling In Love", but there was something very off about his voice, the way he trailed off, and how incredibly far off the actual notes of the song his singing was. I must have made a noise that I didn't notice because Jesse turned around and caught me standing in the doorway. I couldn't lie about snooping, or scoping the place out because I hadn't announced myself. Once I got a clear view of the screen though, that was trivial. What I saw made me not care about anything going on here. I was out of here, if he tried to stop me I'd kill him, I'd fight him tooth and f*****g nail. Because when he moved enough that I could see what he'd been watching I saw Aiden with at least one hard alcohol bottle emptied and another in his hand, his singing was off because he was near passing out from intoxication. He was going to poison himself. There were another couple of unopened bottles sitting on the floor near him. Without thinking things through, out of completely uncontrollable rage, I tore towards him, lunging out to tackle him and do who knows what afterwards. I was beyond angry. I did land on him, but in the process of him trying to calm me and disengage himself I hit the screen….only there was nothing to hit.

I..was….going…though…the screen. It was a weird sensation, like an icy-hot that had been fed steroids. One moment the part of my back and shoulder penetrating the screen felt like I'd been stuck in an ice bath, the next moment it felt like a burning sensation and the next moment as though I was being bitten over every inch of my skin, and although it's impossible internally too, by ants. It wasn't stopping me though, I used Jesse as leverage to get the rest of the way through, using my free leg to kick out at him hard, and as I hoped he took the hit and the reacting force pushed me forward. I was maybe two feet from Aiden, and he looked up at me almost in a daze. It was evident that he either didn't comprehend what he was seeing, or he didn't believe he was seeing it. It didn't matter though because I was engulfed in flames within moments of landing on the thin carpeting of his bedroom floor and then the world went black in such a short span of time that all I could think was "original or extra crispy?", no one could say I left this world without an intact sense of humor.

As if it wasn't enough to see her in my dreams…..I'd watched my Sid, the girl �"woman- with beautiful golden brown hair and honey eyes go up in flames right in front of me. It was my first thought of a very hung over miserable morning. If I needed any sign that she was really gone from my own heart, I guess that that was probably it. I think honestly, even without all the alcohol my body was violently rejecting from the night before, I would have retched anyway. But between the mental agony, the lack of good night's rest, and the heavy and oppressive state of despair I was in I didn't even feel the desire to try to make it to a toilet. So, fittingly enough, the whisky, vodka, stomach bile cocktail sat in a mostly clear puddle between the two nearly empty bottles….huh…I thought with a detached state….I should probably eat more…that's way too much fluid and no solid…."haha" I chuckled darkly at my own train of thoughts…..considering I tried to drink myself not only under the table…but probably a good six feet under the ground last night being concerned about my diet seems a little redundant.

Hell…..Sid is GONE…what does matter? What should matter? -Stuff should still matter right?-I mean, they tell you your life should never revolve around one person�"I believe that, I do. I thought..think? �"no, thought- that I was fairly well balanced, that I had my eggs all loaded pretty evenly in several important well developed little baskets. The only basket around was the basket case I was turning into though…F**K, if I was comparing responsibilities and life development projects to eggs I'd probably used them all up egging some metaphorical housing for my soul…..yup, I was being thoroughly dysfunctional…and even more disturbing I didn't care and I was going to curl back up and fall back asleep and let the world screw itself up in whatever turn of events was next to unfold. I didn't really want any part of it anymore did I? …

The funny thing about being engulfed in the particular set of flames that I was in is that, while I woke up damn thirsty, and not just for blood, I didn't seem to be a crispy critter. I remembered that I had wondered how charred I would be right before everything went black. I ached…I felt like someone had taken out some serious anger on my whole body with a two by four. My muscles were stiff, my eyes stung from the exposure to smoke, and I was pretty cold too. Was it shock? I remember from a safety lesson in class that shock can make you have the shivers and feel cold….I didn't feel shocky though…..I was still processing thoughts at full speed. F**K-Now I remember why my own hellish stalkery version of the human torch had made a grab for me…..AIDEN…..OH GOD! Wait till I find that asshat -not Aiden-JESSE….I am going to make mincemeat out of his unmentionables and feed it to him with a baby spoon, and that's after I beat him senseless for f*****g with Aiden's emotions like that. What the hell had he done to steal hope from him? It HAD to be something he'd done. Aiden doesn't give up; the man has more will power and determination than any other single person I've ever met. He loves me too, no small thing could have resigned him to giving up hunting for me, no; it had to be nearly undeniable proof.

I really didn't have to spend much time looking for Jesse once I decided to move my frail and fragile body and look around the bedroom that he still seemed content to let me sleep in. Why would he let me sleep uncaged? That was simple enough to answer, even though I should really quit asking myself questions and answering them- because that's crazy-, the answer was lurking by the door, lounging against a tall chest of drawers. And he had, for once, a look of remorse…..and puffy eyes.

I admit, I'm not too tough when it comes to seeing others cry. Even gigantic huge asshat stalkers who almost push my boyfriend so far over the deep end that he dies of alcohol poisoning. Apparently I'm all squishy inside�"inside my head?- because even they get treated delicately when they look like a puffy eyed puppy someone kicked. I did glare though, pointedly at him, until he started to spill.

"I'm sorry. I'm an incredible a*****e �"correct, I thought to myself silently-and I am only proving that I don't deserve something as good as you by not earning it in an honest way. I wanted you to love me Sidney, the way you love Aiden. I saw your eyes in the moment you heard that song. You looked feral, and murderous. I'm not even mortal �"the Hades thing again….although he did burst into flames unless I was going nuts, though I'm still not a believer- but the look on your face promised that you'd find a way to end me if I got between you and him. You deserve him. I thought, maybe, if I could prove his weakness and you could see him move on and forget his feelings that perhaps it would open up a chance for me. I see it now for the repulsive and manipulative action that it was. I was only made to look even more foolish for the response he did have to the news of your drowning, that he'd try to drink himself to death or shut down, never crossed my mind. I figured that he would be sad, but resigned….he IS young and NOT isolated, there's plenty of other woman out there. I figured with time he'd move on. I can see now that it's you and only you he wants. He loves you like I do, and almost as selfishly too, in reality. For that, I could sweep you away without regret were that even possible, but I see now it isn't. You love him. That's the end of the story for me really. I always hated fairytale endings."

For the record, there were about a million snarky comments going through my find every few sentences he stammered out, but I kept them in check because he was being honest and I wanted information, and freedom. I did draw the line at the drowning comment though.

"What the hell do you mean drowned? I am definitely alive and not at all waterlogged. EXPLAIN."

"I took your shoe." "And…?"I pushed. "And I put it in the river. I replaced both of your shoes anyway since you don't really wear them here, and you really had worn them to tattered messes."

I'm not sure why he thought replacing the shoes meant anything, but clearly he was terrified about revealing the truth, because he had tacked that on the end of his sentence with such haste I almost needed an interpreter.

"You lead him to think I was fish food?!" "Yeah…..I know….I'd offer to toss myself in, but I don't even really feel like I rate feeding the fish at the moment, pond scum….maybe pond scum. I will take you back in the morning Sid. I swear to it. Try to sleep, you aren't really made for inter-dimensional travel, especially with the whole brimstone and fire thing tacked on. You will feel a lot better with a solid eight hours of recovery time. I will go visit Aiden today, he's been asleep except a brief time this morning. I've been watching, when he comes to I will let him know to expect you…..don't worry, I've wronged you. I will make sure he is safe and that you are reunited."

With that he eased off the chest and walked dejectedly out the door, his shoulders slumped and back hunched with the weight of his newly announced resolution.

I couldn't say if it was exhaustion, or if I believed what he said, but regardless of the reasons I was able, I felt the last little thought of Aiden with his pretty green eyes and dusting of boyish freckles slide away as sleep pulled my back under.

I'd had years to be 'alone with my own thoughts', but it hadn't ever felt this lonely before. I had a feeling that it would only be worse once I had carried through with my promise to Sid. I owed it though. I'd had such a desire to be human, to know love, to feel with the intensity that such a short life lends to. I think I'd finally managed it. It sucks….loving someone sucks, I hadn't loved Sid before, I'd obsessed over her. Now I knew her, and I knew me. I knew that at the start of this I was still living like a GOD, expecting that I would have what I wanted and that things would be as I wished….egocentric huh? Now I understood that not only was that not true, but even more ironically the only way I could really feel human was letting go of the first person that taught me what humanity meant. The first person I ever felt a real deep, and not self-serving, feeling for. I wanted her to be happy, and even more specifically even if it meant the loss of my happiness I could not see her hurting anymore. She may have picked at me, and swore, and issued more than a few death threats, but she'd also, eventually been caring towards me- her kidnapper- and shown empathy for my situation. As proof of her inherent goodness, even just a few hours earlier, she had listened to what I had to say; she had not exactly accepted my apology, but she hadn't actively rejected it either. I had almost killed the man who had her heart in his hand, and she was still gentle with me. I could show no less compassion for her. She deserved this. It was time for me to meet Aiden.