Old Dan Tucker

A Story by KMadden

The news of Don's passing makes me want to go back. It makes me miss Bend so much; growing up there, being young again with my cousins by my side. Visiting grandma and grandpa..... Today, not only do I miss Don but I miss grandpa so much. I wish he was here, I really do. I wish he could see that I am a good person, and that my heart is just as big as his once was, I wish I could hear him sing Old Dan Tucker just one last time so I can remember his voice. If I close my eyes I can sometimes make it out but it's not the same anymore. I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget Don and I don't want to forget grandpa. I wish I could have said goodbye.... to Don. That's the worst part, is knowing that at one point I had the chance to do that but I don't anymore... thinking to myself that I won't ever see him again really hurts me. Growing up with someone you always figure that they will be there but the truth is anything can happen at any given time, I learned that today.

I miss the house on Waco drive and the falls and winters there carving pumpkins in the backyard on the picnic table. I miss Jonah and even my dad but I don't miss how how they are now. Everyone's changed so much, even mom is so different now. Sarah, my "baby" cousin, my best friend is having a baby, a BABY not to mention she is married already at 20. I really thought her and I would be able to grow up together a little more, experience things together. I am happy for her, but it's hard to let go. These are all the people I grew up with, I don't want them to change, I don't want them to..die, I want to go back.

I close my eyes and imagine grandma and grandpa's old house on Carlson... the chained fence, the big rocks, the swing set with the names carved in it, the peach tree and the sun room, my favorite room in the whole house, the room i learned to blow into the flute for the first time- it took me forever to learn but I got it, all thanks to grandpa. The movie closet that had that distinct smell, like memories and old movies, I loved that smell. Every last bit of that house I miss, it is so special to me and close to my heart. I will never let that house go, I miss it so much and it breaks me inside to know I can never be there again, I wanna go back so badly. I would give anything, anything...

So many of my childhood memories spent at that house and I remember all of them so clearly; all the good times, playing on the swing set and playing tag on the rocks and hide and go seek, & the worst day of my life, the day I lost the most special person in the world. I will never forget you grandpa. I miss you every single day, every time i think of you or see your pictures on my shelf. You were truly a great man, father and especially grandfather, I will never forget anything.The times you took us hunting or all of the silly songs you sang to me about a fat lady riding on a bicycle. Or when you would give me the biggest kiss on my cheek but I would always wipe it off and you pretended to be sad but you thought it was funny. You're the closest thing I've had in my life to a father that I can look up to and love so dearly from the bottom of my heart. In my life I need you. I probably wouldn't have made a lot of the mistakes I made if you were still here. Wherever you are, whether you're looking down on me right now and reading every word I write or you're sleeping silently in peace for all eternity, I want you to know that I would give anything to have one more hug... one more song. So Grandpa, Jason and Don...please protect me and or family...I miss you all and I know that you're together now, I know you all are happy and to me that's all that matters. I'll lever stop missing you.

Love,

Karaboo