My First Memoir

A Memoir about the death of my grandmother

The Hospice room was cold although it was summertime.  Goosebumps were forming on my arms from the indoor chill.  It was late at night, maybe 10 or 11 o’clock, the moon visible from the stained-glass window.  The Hospice room stank of death, if death had a smell.  The walls were painted white, which seemed to have faded to a mauve-like color, I assume over many years, due to the chips in the paint.  Nighttime gave no relief from the heat outside, so I stayed inside the hospital room.  I wrapped myself up with my maroon sweater and braved the hospital frigidness.  Her bed was big and soft, so I lay down next to her in it.  I kept a tight grasp on Nana’s left hand, cold to the touch.  I did not want to let go, although my mind was telling her it was okay to “let go” because she was visibly uncomfortable, unconsciously sliding around making sounds of unmistakable pain.  “Ooohhs” and “Aaahhs” coming from Nana seemed to be all I could hear.  It became clear something was happening when I was able to hear the machines connected to her start making beeps and strange hospital sounds.  Doctors and nurses rushed in with urgency written all over their faces, shooed me out of the way, and called her time of death.  Suddenly, I no longer felt the cold air, even though my goosebumps were proof that it was still very chilly in that Hospice room.  Nana was gone. 

I did not cry, not at first anyhow.  An older nurse with grey hair and a frail-looking body handed me cold coffee and a bruised banana with her bony fingers, letting me know I should probably leave now, so they can do whatever it was they had to do after someone dies.  I enjoyed the smell of the coffee, but had no intention of drinking it.  I thanked her, none-the-less, and kissed Nana’s now near-freezing forehead.  I whispered, “Goodbye Nana. I love you. I’ll see you when God calls me home.”  I took one last look around Hospice at all of the other sick people connected to all sorts of tubes, wires and machines, along with their loved ones by their sides.  I took my cold coffee and bruised banana outside, left the chilly hospital, the heat of the night hitting me hard, my body feeling the weather going from one extreme to the other.  It was not until then that the tears started welling up in my eyes and falling down my cheek in more of a ferocious manner than I would have liked.   Even though Nana was now gone, I still did not want her to see me cry.  I wanted her to know I was going to be okay, even though I wasn’t so sure of that.  I lit up a cigarette with tears still flowing, the nasty tobacco smell filling the space all around me.  I proceeded to my old tan car, sat in it with my face in my hands, trying to catch all my tears.  Once I had regained my composure, I called my father and then my mother.  I let them know that Nana was officially gone, cried with each of them over the phone, and drove home to my small and cluttered studio apartment as slowly and carefully as I could.

Reviews

[McBear]

I think was was very good! c: Just some suggestions: I think some detail could be squeezed into not all but some of these sentences. To give an example, so I don't leave you puzzled with what I meant..

"The Hospice room was cold although it was summertime. Goosebumps were forming on my arms from the indoor chill. It was late at night, maybe 10 or 11 o’clock, the moon visible from the stained-glass window."

I added some detail and it now look like this

"The Hospice room was cold although it was summertime. Goosebumps formed on my arms as the indoor chill enveloped my skin. It was late at night, maybe 10 or 11 o’clock, the moon visible from the stained-glass window; Its beautiful rays of light traveled to my eyes as I gazed at it."

I do not mean to be rude in any way shape or form. This is just my personal opinion from reading, ya know? c: Overall this was great. I will send read requests to 35 others. :)

[KarMarBar]

Thank you. I am always happy to hear constructive criticism. After reading your idea for that sentence, I realized you're right, it sounds much better that way. I'll get to work. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read my Memoir and review it. It is greatly appreciated!

[McBear]

That is no problem! Thank you for taking my idea :D

[Southern_Writes]

I envy you got to say goodbye and yet I do not. I did not get the chance, for the day I received my car, she passed away. It breaks my heart, for a woman who loved so many, passed away alone.....I am sorry for your loss.

[KarMarBar]

Thank you, and I'm sorry you couldn't be there to say goodbye. She knew (and still knows) how much you love and appreciate her!

[Coyote Poetry]

I understand this story. I have lost many. Sat with them and showed I loved and appreciated them. Your description took the reader to place and memory. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[KarMarBar]

Thank you so much for your great comments and for taking the time to read and review my work! I greatly appreciate it!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[annalysiar]

Very good visuals great capture of the emotion I could see everything you were seeing and I almost wanted to cry with you, your story is too close to home for me...
but great job all in all. You captured your reader and held them, throughout.

[KarMarBar]

Thank you for saying I "captured my reader" and held their attention. Every writer wants to hear that. Thanks for reading my Memoir!

[annalysiar]

Thank you for asking me to read it...youre more than welcome it was a great read

[wordman]

a great true story,everybody can relate to this

[Bear]

It is a touching story and written well but there really isn't a finish, it is like you just stopped writing and left the story unfinished. I hope you intend to write a conclusion to the events you put into motion, as it is now one could take this as a page from an on going diary.

[KarMarBar]

Another member mentioned that is seemed unfinished also. It was my first attempt at a Memoir, I mostly wrote poetry. However, I'm going to try to tweak some things so it doesn't seem so incomplete. Thanks for taking the time to read my work and review it!

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

wow, amazing story!! I love this story!!

[KarMarBar]

Thank you, I appreciate that!

[Rose Jaeger Kaneki]

welcome !! anytime