Chapter 1: Awaken to the Unknown

What's the first thing you remember? What was your first thought? What if your mind starts anew with your current body?

Bright.
Soft.
Open eyes.
Blue Sky.
Green Everywhere.
Curious.
Little ones everywhere. Hiding.
Stand. Wobble. Body heavy.
Look, listen, feel.
Wind blow. Grass, dirt, leaf under feet. Feel Good.
Hear Sound. Strange sound; over there. Far.
Walk.
Stagger.
Legs feel odd. Leg tired?
No. Legs Inexperienced.
Keep staggering forward.
Sound louder. Getting closer.
Ground shake. Sound rings ears.
Look up. Sky gray.
Sound loud. Close.
Push through thicket.
Found source of sound.
Eyes widen. Amazed.
Fighting Everywhere.
Everyone shiny.
Fight not with hand or teeth.
All hold something.
Strange.
Not fight for food.
Not for territory.
Too much fight. So much people.
Dangerous? Run?
No.
Chest thump faster.
Bare teeth. Not Snarl. Corner up. New feeling.
Walk more. Get Closer. See more.
Fighting bizarre.
One group. Fighting itself.
Two roll across path.
Duck. Low to ground. Hide presence.
Watch fight. Odd.
Same man. Fighting. Reflection?
No. Two bodies.
Same style. Both Clash.
Moving fast. Eyes faster.
One wounded. Both Clash again.
Wounded man win. Prey fallen. Man leaves. Seek more prey?
Get closer.
Look at body.
Something happen! Body changing?!
Green light. Skin change.
No longer fair. Now black.
Eyes without center. All green.
Blood green.
Horn change. Become jagged.
Wings appear. Like bug.
Different now. Like man but bug.
Back away.
Reach up. Feel own horn. Straight. Sharp.
Shudder. Corpse not natural. Prey ominous.
Leave Corpse. Continue forward.
Time pass. More prey fallen. Some change. Bizarre creatures.
Hear screech. Turn to see. Creature.
Creature rushing here. Flying low. Near ground. Fast.
No run. No time. Dead soon?
Heart thump faster.
Face creature. Hands close. Squeeze tight. Muscle tense.
Same feeling. Earlier. Mouth corners up. Not snarl.
Creature close. Jaw open. Fang bared. Claws close.
Strong wind.
Impact. In air. Gray sky.
Land. Ground hard.
Hit head; On ground. Body not hurt.
Look up. See shiny man. Most shiny yet. Great wings. Like bird. Beautiful.
Vision fading. Shiny Man standing over.
Shiny man crouch.
Shiny man speak.
"Idiot! What were you doing?!"
Vision dark.
"Hey! Stay awake! What's your Name? Which Unit!?"
Sound fading.
"Hey wait! Answer me! Damn it!"
Black.

Author's Note

Sorry if its hard to understand. Bold are actions, Italics are thoughts. If you have any questions or corrections just leave a comment. Don't worry, this will probably be the only chapter written like this. Also, I am working on art. There will be illustrations.

Reviews

[David Jae]

I see what you were trying to do, creating the immediacy of a first person view point, but it falls short of what it could have been. The strongest part is the italics, but they would work better as his thoughts, describing his actions.

E.g

I have to get closer. See what's happening. My God. It's body's changing. It's growing wings, like a bug, but like a man, also.

Move! Get out of here.

[Daniel Tran]

Thanks for the input. I decided to change actions to bold and thought to italics.

[David Jae]

You're welcome. It had real impact in places, and grabs the reader's attention.
Ganbare.