My Golden Damsel

Please kindly review.

In the dead of the night
The wind still echoes your name
Though the sun does shine bright
My only light is your flame
Rain on my blue desert
And calm my restless heart


Forest of withered trees
Am I when you are away
Filled with graceful bliss
Am I when to me you sway
I feel your sweet gentle soul
As I offer you my whole

"Conform not to the world
But the renewal of your mind"
Be not shaken by fud
Your doorstep grace shall find
So spread your wings and fly
Soar and reign in the blue sky


My heart aches for my golden damsel
But between us does a thousand miles dwell
Flash a smile and enjoy your day
In spirit,with you I stay.

Author's Note

Please everyone,do kindly review. I'm planning this as a surprise for someone special on their birthday. It would be more effective if I got your opinions. Thank you so much.

Reviews

[Ahena MK]

"Conform not to the world
But the renewal of your mind"
Be not shaken by fud
Your doorstep grace shall find

excellent work... whoever you give it to will truly be happy

[Leslie Philibert]

You work is excellent, secure in English, paced and talented. A young writer with a future.

[Master K-tops]

Jesus! Thank you so much. You make me feel so humbled with your generous reviews. Thank you,sir!

[Avinash]

Please go ahead :) My best wishes with you

[icelandicblue]

This is simply beautiful. I love your rhyme and the obvious tenderness that threads throughout your poem.

[Brittany Zedalis]

This is so very beautiful. I hope she enjoys it, which I think she will.

[Lyn Anderson]

This is a beautiful poem, and I think she would love it -- one suggestion, and only an opinion, mind you. If I recite it I want to say I AM instead of AM I, but, as always, poetic license prevails, and you can throw my suggestion away ...

[Master K-tops]

Thank you for the comment. It's a good suggestion. I catually debated on using either of the phrases but I chose 'am I' for a kind of effect.

[Sami Khalil]

A surprise gift to someone on her birthday and what a gift. Sweet, lovely and showering with love and smoothness. She will enjoy her day for sure...:)..................

[Master K-tops]

:D I hope so. Thank you.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:).........

[melissa]

Beautiful poem keep up the great work and keep sending me more to read i love reading them

[Master K-tops]

That is so generous of you. I feel so great with your comment.

[melissa]

Your welcome

[Saddam]

This is very Good write dear. She would Love it. Beautiful.

[Oyindamola Shoola]

this is absolutely beautiful....love cannot threatened by a thousand miles....she has no choice than to love this poem and to love you more... and please don't forget to change what you put as the description..

[Master K-tops]

Thanks so much for the advice. I should have posted I earlier but I tried to avoid clichés so much that it gave me writers' block.

[Oyindamola Shoola]

you welcome..