Swept Away

 

 

When I first met you I thought I could gaze into your soul

And I wasn't afraid to show that I had been searching

Searching behind those closed doors of your lids

Waiting for you to finish blinking so I could gaze again

Sometimes I thought I knew you

The very depth of you

But I've realized naïveté flexes its arms

When I'm around you

 

Eyes can be tricky sometimes

To those people that master the art form

I fell into you behind closed doors

Quietly, and instantly

And couldn't find my way back out again

 

There are nights when I watch you while you sleep

Sometimes

Wondering about that name

That stumbles from your lips

Your heart pours out the truth

It's foreign to me

The name

But not the gender

I wonder around sleepless

Thinking, why I keep giving my treasures to you

When you obviously have given your treasures

To someone else

Reviews

[Scott Free]

Good writing! I thought, when I began to read the poem, that it was just 'one of those' love poems...and I almost stopped. But you're style really drew me in. It got better and better and I just couldn't stop reading it...that's real talent.
The end was very well put... I also love your use of great words. That's one of the things that drew me in.

[The DuchessPoet]

This is an exceptional piece of work!
I REALLY ENJOYED READING YOUR TALENT!

[Michael]

OK, I need to take you to task a little bit. You should care if someone thinks your writing sucks because it is really good. I don't mean you should try and defend you work to such people, just don't let them worry you any about where you are as a poet. Trust me, you write really well. I look forward to reading more.

[The Purple Kazoo]

this is really great. do you mean 'wander' instead of 'wonder' in the 4th-to-last line? if you don't, you might want to try that. also, in the next line, it might help the flow to add 'do' between 'why' and 'i'. just a thought...
other than that, this is awesome. i love the expression, and the way you say 'giving treasures' instead of 'love.' it's much more original and interesting. kudos! :)

[Amaunet]

Awesome job! You've captured such emotion in your words, and shown the world how it truly feels to love someone and think you know them, only to find that you don't really. Reminds me of how I felt when I broke up with my ex-fiancee.

Again great job!

[Chahklat]

Blew me away...
How perfectly expressed!
Wonderfully written!
Words beautifully blended!

The ending struck home, struck a chord.

[Justin Tobey]

This is wonderful! Everything you wrote was very fluid. I felt a lot of emotion from this poem. Good job!

[Luna]

Oh wow. I loved this.

Such emotion behind it. And I have felt this same way, so many times.

I also love how everything was so fluid. The words followed eachother smoothly.

Excellent. And I mean that.

:)