Darkness

Hopeless... Hopeless... it's all hopeless. The darkness surrounded me as a watched blood drip from my thin arms onto the glass before me. Soon I'd be completely swallowed up in this pitch black, lonely world... "What's wrong with the dark? Look. You can still see by the light of the full moon." 

"This one was the first. I didn't know what I was doing then... all I knew was that while I cut the rush I felt blinded everything else... some people think that we do it to 'feel something' maybe that's true for some people but I kind of didn't want to feel what I was... It was a way to not feel," Dalen ran a finger across the dulled white scar. He also had a few newer red ones on his arm. How? He was so confident... I didn't understand how he could act the way he did yet... clearly be this... broken. "This one was a few days ago..." he looked at it painfully. As if the memory were still raw in his mind.

We were sitting against the hill that had dropped off and shown a field ahead. The grass was warm from the sun and the silence was bliss. No crude remarks. No painful sounds that brought up memories. Nothing. 

I slowly bent down my sleeve and showed him my arm where the most recent one was still trying to bleed. He looked at it silently and finally spoke  a word, "Yesterday?" I nodded, "Anyone else see it?" I shook my head, "Good."

I stared at his arm while he looked at mine. Were we the same? At least a little? My heart is screaming. I don't want to be alone any more... but... what if it's all a lie? 

After a few minutes we both looked away and stared at the misting sky. The blood color faded as the sun sank below the horizon. Darkness surrounded us on that field. It was a comfortable darkness. Because we weren't alone.

"What happened?" he asked as his eye followed the full moon as it streaked into view and took authority of the realm of the sky.

I found myself telling him as if I could possibly trust him. All the words spilled out as silent tears slipped down my cheeks in the silence of my words. I told him how my father was drunk again and how I felt ignored... how I felt. He listened to how I felt. I told him how sometimes my father would abuse me. How countless bruises were covered with makeup... how I was so scared every time he got drunk which happened often. Everything just spilled without restraint. Dalen had tipped over an overflowing glass of emotion. I was stupid for telling anyone. Especially someone I barely knew... but I was exploding inside and he offered to take some pain from me. I didn't have the willpower to resist. 

When I finished I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for a reply. Would he laugh at me? Would he tell others? What would happen? He exhaled angrily and then I heard a stream of curses as he got a pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket. The cursing stopped as he inhaled sharply and let smoke out his nose and mouth in an exhale. "That makes me angry!" he yelled as he breathed in again, "if you don't want to treat a child right then don't have one..." he mumbled into the smoke. 

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve as the moon illuminated the ground and showed the shower of mist. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked completely perturbed. Can I let myself believe that he cares? Am I setting myself up for a fall? I can't trust people... I've forgotten how to.  

"Does... does smoking help?" I asked him as I looked at the box of cigarettes. 

His green eye met mine, "It's calming I guess..." he answered, "Want to try it?"

"Can I...?"

"No," he put the box away and fell back against the grass, "these things kill you. If you aren't addicted then I don't want to cause you to become addicted to it."

"I don't care. If it could help..."

"I said no, Cyndi," he spoke sternly, "Listen, someday you're going to get away. Someday something is going to happen that will make you want to live. And when that happens heaven forbid the happiness be cut short."

I frowned as I leaned back and looked at the sky, "Well what about you?"

He laughed and blew out a puff of smoke, "I'm trying to stop, really I am, but it's not that simple, Cyndi."

I waved my hand to clear the air by my face, "Things rarely are..." 

We didn't speak another word as we stared at the sky. Dalen finished the one stick and then crushed it in his hand before sticking the butt in his pocket. The darkness around us felt safe. I couldn't remember the last time I felt this safe... in darkness. It always felt like I was in an unbearable, suffocating darkness... But this was different. The full moon gave us all the light we needed. And we silently watched it slip across the sky.

Reviews

[Brielle Cartny]

This was a very passionate piece. This part of the story itself was rather tragic and it really hit a nerve in my life and it reminded me of quite a lot. I believe all writing authors create have some sort of significance in their personal lives. I like the dialogue between the man and the girl. I liked that he had hope for her in later life and that he actually cared about her well being.

[KanaDream]

Thank you for commenting. It really means a lot that you enjoyed this and that you were able to relate to it. I'd like to be able to use my writing to create people that others will be able to relate to and understand... I don't know. Maybe in my naivete I think that it may be able to help ease their pain... or something. ^^" Really, thank you for commenting. It means a lot. :)