My Suicide

 My Suicide

“I still can’t believe you’re gone” I said. I was sitting on the bridge again with all of its water beneath it. Sometimes I feel like jumping—times like now—but I won’t. I wouldn’t be able to without saying good-bye to her again. I couldn’t do it—not unless I told her I loved her. If only I could. My feet dangled over the edge. They looked so close to the water, but everything looks closer when it’s far away.

“It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you. But it hasn’t. But that’s what’s going to happen, isn’t it? I’m never gonna see you again, am I?” I said to myself. It started to rain and I just sat there, shielded from the rain by the cover of the bridge. I know I said I wouldn’t cry, but I know I will. You don’t understand what you mean to me, and you don’t know how bad it hurts. I love you. I kicked my feet out into the rain. I was glad my shoes were off. I grinned for a moment. You always told me rain was a wonderful thing. “Do you remember all the times we spent here? The days we skipped school together, and the days we had fights with our families and we just needed an escape? I remember them—all of them.”

“I remember the days when you’d call me and ask me to meet you here. You’d be crying most of those times. I remember the day ou told me you had a boyfriend. My heart nearly shattered into a million pieces. I knew would never happen though. You were never like me. But you were. I could never understand you. Maybe that’s why I loved you. But I shouldn’t. You were my best friend. Does that mean I shouldn’t have told you? Is that why you left? I don’t understand.” The rain came down harder. I was making my own stream; it went down my cheeks and fell onto my jeans, giving them dark speckles here and there. I rubbed my eyes. The memories hurt.

“I won’t last without you. Now I’m all alone. Do you remember what I told you I would do if you ever left me? I told you I wouldn’t last. I told you that you were all I had. And now I don’t even have you. I’m alone. Alone.” I reached down into my bag and pulled out a notebook and an ink pen. I began to write.

To my family,

I’m sorry. I can’t stand things being this way. None of you accept me for who I am. No one ever did, and I can’t be in this world anymore if I will be this alone. I loved Lexi. And she’s gone now. I have no one else in this world, I am all alone. I can’t live this way. So I won’t. Good-bye to you all. I still love you even though I know you don’t care.

My suicide,
Taylor

I tore out the sheet of paper and threw the notebook to the ground. I laid my letter beside my bag and pulled a knife from within a pocket of the bag. As I opened it, I saw myself one last time in the reflection of the sharp stainless steel. My eyes were red from rubbing them and from all of my tears. My cheeks glowed from the still-present, un-dried tears. I broke my stare from the knife, and I lowered the blade to my wrist. I took a deep breath. I cut along my vein and began to cry more. I made another cut and slice alone my other vein.

As my last few moments began to come, I heard a familiar voice approaching me. It was Lexi! She came back. But I could barely speak. I could barely catch my breath. “Don’t move. I’m calling for help.” I heard her say. Moments passed and I felt weaker and weaker. I’d lost a lot of blood. Then I felt her arms around me and I could hear her crying. “Please, please don’t die. I need you here. I love you.” I knew I wasn’t going to make it, and with all of my remaining energy I found my voice.

“I’ll always be with you. I promise. I love you.” Those were my last words. As the rain came down harder, I died in my best friends arms.

 

 

Author's Note

I wrote this my sophmore year in high school... so this is like 3 years old. It was put in our Writer's Club Magazine that year and found to be a real tear jerker by every person who read it.

Reviews

[XxRachel.RiotXx]

I loved it! It reminds me of a friend of mine who commited suicide a year ago. It inspired me to write a story about him. So i will.

[Jennifer Mogg]

That was very good, I enjoyed reading it.

[M. Amphet Salt]

I like it. Very sad. Good write.