Night Terror

A short poem I wrote. It's title is self explanatory. Hope it gives you nightmares.

Every night, I roll in bed

The evil dreams, claw through my head

 

Each night, it only gets worse,

The demons taunt, I’m being coerced

 

Their deathly gaze, sets my mind ablaze

I can’t get out, overwhelming doubt

 

Sometimes it’s people that I used to know

But in the end, their true emotions show

 

Sinister rage, as I’m locked in a cage

They laugh at me, dangling the key

 

My mind sweats, my body frets

When I close my eyes, I hear demonic lullabies

 

Haunted memories keep me below

My inner thoughts, I’ll never show

Reviews

[Relic]

This is such a creative way to describe night terrors. I had them once after a traumatic event. Your rhyming skills are in full force on this poem. What a shame more people don't review it. It's their loss if they don't.

Great writing deserving of 100/100

[Kamascus]

Thanks for the review. I guess it must be good, considering you look like you're much more knowledgeable on the subject of poetry than me. I only feel as if the line, "When I close my eyes, I hear demonic lullabies" is a bit stretched. Too many words. If I was gonna revise it I would have done something like, "I close my eyes, to demonic lullabies."

And on the subject of rhyming, I only like my poems with rhymes haha. I feel it adds a natural flow to the pieces, and makes them more challenging to write, and more fun to read.

Also, I've never actually experience night terrors myself. I can imagine what they must be like though. Not fun times at all =( (Because if they were they wouldn't be night terrors now, would they? lol)

[Relic]

Your choice of revising the line in question is a good one and I agree it would improve the line. Another writer here taught me to always 'cut the fat out of the lines.' In other words, make every word count. It's something I'm still trying to learn.