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It's like i cant remember
when i look into the mirror
my emotions, my love, my life,
why cant I seem to steer?

I want to take a step back
and remember what I used to be
cause time that starts to take over
makes me forget the real me

If this is who i am today
is this reality?
Or is it just an old lost soul
of who I cant help but see?

Everything continues piling
and I feel like I'm buried deep
I want to unravel one by one
so the true me, I can keep.

Please stop getting lost in life
and stay who I want to be.
But still every time I take a nap and awake,
I am in the middle of the sea.

No shore to be found
no building, no boat.
So I lay here and wonder
and forever I float.

                               -Kamal Trivedi-

Reviews

[realmwriter]

Realy well done, a torn asunder you being tossed in a tumultuos see! Very very good read!

[MS. BABy]

i like the going back and forth the questioning and the final despair...this was interesting it gives a feel....Hello

[Chris]

Kamal - if I may,

I did NOT look at any other comment/review. I was asked to pause - here. and listen to you. My options are to comment or review. We both are aware you have the techniques and skill... so I prefer to comment.

You've words are worth the listening to and the age old question of which side is up when all I can see is down - is valid and poignant. You touched the negatives... you touched the result... you didn't even give a gasp of any hope for the difference you seem to be begging to have made/happen.

Despair is sharply edged and self-deprecating AND defeating... Find, speak out, and MAKE the difference - if only for someone else and thereby begin to save yourself. Hellofa pulpit - but you're good enough to have me really listen. And that says something all its own.

Take care,
Chris

[Raven Starhawk]

This is a wonderful write. I mean, aside from the angst which I think adds a bit of flavor, it is a creative venue I can explore piece by piece. Or perhaps my understanding of this poem is all wrong. Either way it is well composed.

[The Freedwriter]

gorgeous poem i loved the last to stanzas where you depict yourself stranded in the middle of the sea but its like your not worried, like you've accepted accepted that all you can do is float until the sea takes u to where you need to be. just like in life you're just floating through life until you reach the next shore. beautiful poem loved it!

[?]

oh wow, nice
I really like this and can so relate, as Im sure most or the world can.
This was full of emotion, very nice and loved the ending

[Princess LouLou]

Wonderful. Its just woow.

[KimLove "The Beautiful ..]

This is very deep and thought provoking. Very original, love it. Your imagery is fantastic. Your analogy of ones self is wonderful. I also love the last stanza: No shore to be found, no building, no boat. So I lay here and wonder and forever I float....You have a magic pen. xx

[FemmeSpookyCorpse]

This is heartfelt, deep, sharp, and raw. Your word choice is very intense, to a brilliant level...I love this piece = ] The last stanza particularly, left me in awe...great work!

-Femme_Gothique (Brittany)

[Coyote Poetry]

Easy to fall off the desire path of life. Sometime you must stop and re-set you goals and dreams. I like how you told the story in your words.
"Everything continues piling
and I feel like I'm buried deep
I want to unravel one by one
so the true me, I can keep."
Thank you for a excellent poem.
Coyote