The paradox of perfection

thoughts

I avoid doing things things if I can't be the greatest. I don't wrestle those I don't think I can beat. I don't write things if the idea isn't perfectly unique. It makes it impossible to do anything anymore. How can I offer anything to this world if I can't accept genuinely sucking at something? Maybe my best writing right now wouldn't get me anywhere, but that doesn't mean it will always be a dead end. It's the persistence I lack, from a fear that true mastery will never come. 

I try and justify it. I didn't win because I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I tried my best. Maybe I simply haven't developed the skill set to be able to offer the world anything worthwhile yet. It's not the amount of effort put into one essay that counts, it's the collective effort of all ones writing and readings up to that point. Success doesn't just come when you try harder. I need to do harder. I need to do more. 

It's not about writing a best seller right now. It's about writing the best I can and then editing, editing, editing. How can I be better? It's about finishing what I started. It's not about how many will read it, it's about what I've learned from the experience. It's about the knowledge that I have gained so that someday, people will want to read it. 

"The world only cares about what you can do for it"

Not what I wish. Not the love in my heart or the prayers in my head. It cares about how that love and those wishes manifest into the things that I actually do.