A Christmas Parody

A Christmas parody of "Twas the night before Christmas." ENJOY!

 

T'was the night before Christmas,

And down at the bar,

We went to go home,

But someone stole the car!

We scampered back in,

Our heads hung in shame,

Grabbed another beer,

Before the police came.

As we sat there drinking,

On that dreadful night,

The cops busted in,

And cuffed me TIGHT!

Then a jolly old man,

All dressed in red,

Came in and smelled,

Strongly of urine and gin.

His clothes smelled rotted,

And his beard all astray,

I couldn't help but to wonder,

If the man was somewhat gay.

There were talks of him,

Giving presents to kids,

Again I wondered,

If someone called the feds!

All of a sudden,

The SWAT team arrived,

“Put your hands up, Santa!

And prepare to die!”

Poor old Santa,

With his fly unzipped,

Couldn't quite get away,

Not with his bad hip.

The story is not done,

No not at all.

I almost forgot to mention,

Santa's big red balls.

And though it was disgusting,

And though it was insane,

I'll forever have that image,

Engraved in my brain.

It was a sight to see,

That I can assure,

To know that a jolly old man,

Could smell like manure.

With the cops and Swat,

Busting down the joint,

Santa stood there shamefully,

And provided a point.

“I stole your car,

Because you have been naughty,

But I'll give it back,

If you give me a knobby!”

With his toothless grin,

And his rancid breath,

I swore to myself,

I'd rather meet death!

With old Saint Nick,

Carried away in cuffs,

I knew that he must have,

Been smoking the good stuff!

And with this tale,

I weave some caution,

Let's all have a great holiday,

Let it not be forgotten!

Reviews

[Libby McKeown]

Ha that's pretty funny! Your punctuation is off in a few spots and that can mess up the rhythm of your work. Always ask yourself: does your work change the world in some way, no matter how small? Does it change someone's mind, or wake them up? Does it make a heart swell, or stop? Thanks for sharing!

[Anissa Ali]

This is hilarious. Santa running from the SWAT team. Funny stuff!

[J Todd Underhill]

Funny I should find this this morning for I was actually playing christmas songs when I stumbled upon it. (don't ask it's a long story) I liked the write though. I am glad to see someone else who is aiming at improving their family's lot by their creative writing!