It'll Kill Us.

I'm going to rip you apart.
You're breaking the strings
That tie me together.

One by one, they disappear.
Forever.

I only want you.
You're my object.
My deep, sincere lust;
The love I'll hold on to forever.

I can't believe you'd do that.
F**k me and hang me out to dry.
You know you make me cry,
Why must you try?

Bit by bit, you'll disappear.
Forever.

I would light ten million candles,
All which spelled your name.
Just so you would understand exactly,
Exactly what you mean to me.

I want us to be wonderful,
Together, complete and strong.
You know we're perfect,
Why must you push it along?

Piece by piece, we'll disappear.
Forever.

We're fading.
Soon losing contact,
The love I had for you, no more.



EDITED



I'm going to rip you apart.
You're breaking the strings
That tie me together.

One by one, they disappear.
Forever.

I only want you.
You're my object.
My deep, sincere lust;
The love I'll hold on to forever.

I can't believe you'd do that.
F**k me and hang me out to dry.
You know you make me sad,
Why don't you just stop and try?

Bit by bit, you'll disappear.
Forever.

I would light ten million candles,
All which spelled your name.
Just so you would understand
Exactly what you mean to me.

I want us to be wonderful,
Together, complete and strong.
You know that we are perfect,
Why can't you see we belong?

Piece by piece, we'll disappear.
Forever.

Soon we'll lose ourselves,
Eventually fade to nothing.
The rolls will be reversed.
You can love me,
And I'll be the jerk.





This, is quite obviously two versions of the same poem. The first is the original. I'd just like critique on both versions, and an opinion on which you think is better.


Enjoyy.