To My Body

i. 

 

“Sugar-free vanilla with raspberry swirl”

Lost between bodies 

Voice meek, hazy - those words,

My hometown ice cream shop, set you on fire. 

 

I want to eat 

Awake again,

You wanted ice cream more than anything. 

On that day, I wanted ice cream too.

 

“Please, let me help you”

With desperation,

Our mother, who gave all she had, body and soul, 

Could only speak through horror and gasps. 

 

I’m so sorry

Words melted from my lips in place of  

Ice cream 

I was never able to give you.

 

ii. 

 

i wanted to love You

Eating up loving words

Spitting back pain, still

i couldn’t shake this feeling 

We are too much

We are never enough. 

Fighting the voices was a triali 

Never had power to face. 

Instead i found strength 

In destroying all which brought me life. 

i listened to wicked whispers of a starving mind. 

Killing You, 

The only thing in this world 

That is truly my own.

On shoulders still shattered,

Holding the world’s weight 

In guilt: 

i owe You the life i had 

Hidden behind sunken eyes.