Letters From Home

Military love.<3 Home bound. I love you.

     My dearest love. It has occurred to me that you are gone from my life. Disappeared from my eyesight, and vanished from my reality. You're nothing more then a memory now. A long dreaded memory that I would change into a reality. Not a tale, or a secret to share. About my love; my first love, you.

     I tried to think of the brighter side of things. Things to stable my mental state, (which is still unknown) to calm it down and cease the pain. Change up my thought pattern a little bit. All my thoughts are established on a dozen pieces of paper. Letters.

     I'm driving on from you, my darling. Forever has been cut short by the tragedy you've chosen. I have to live with the mistake you made. I laid you to rest March 21st, 2011. If you were to be by my side, I would tell you the amount of love I have. I want you to know that I love you. You're home now. Waiting for me at those gold gates, with my Lord and Savior.

 

     I see your uniquely structured eyes; blue and hazel. Your sweet smell. Drugged with every minute of love we shared. You make it hard to breathe. Your muddy smile, lingered after every departure. I never told you, I just held it in. I never told you what I would give up my life for. I never got the chance to tell you that I would trade places with you. Put me in the grave and let you live your life. Seventeen shouldn't have been the last. We had our whole lives a head of us. I was your princess and you were the Knight that saved me from hanging at the fire pot under me. You cut the rope and rescued me. Now I'm left here alone. You left me. You promised me forever. You said forever and I had it all mapped out for us. My dearest love, I'm saying all of these words because I couldnt say them the last day we spoke.

     I was counting all the letters the other day. I was laughing. Laughing at how stupid in love we were. Then cried at the fact that you're gone. As we speak, I am crying as I am writing this. You are gone and I can't do anything about it. They said, "I love you babygirl. You're my everything. I would risk everything for you, give my life for you. I love you Kala Lynn. I love you babygirl." Oh, how I would do anything to hear him say that again. He's in the hand of God, and his letters are in the hands of mine.

     I sure wish I could give you one more kiss. A breathless one. One that will make you say, "Marry me..." Wait, I gave you one like that and those exact words spilled from your mouth. Being a kid you always want to walk down the isle in your white dress and see the love of your life at the end of that long walk infront of you. Or in guys cases, seeing your beautiful soon-to-be-wife in a matter of minutes walk slowly in beauty. I will never have that same feeling again. I could relive my whole life without knowing how this much pain felt like.

 

     You make it so hard to breath. I belong blissfully collasped in your arms, lying there, seemingly lifeless, but sleeping with you, while I'm being warmed by your steady breaths.

I miss everything. Even all the fights! Yes. Even the fights. We fought all the damn time. But always ran back to eachother with more love then last time. The letters stay creased, the way you folded them, still nicely placed on my desk where I write. I love you.

 

Your muddy boots have stained my heart. Your ammunition has bled me dry. Your strong will and desire to be willing to die for your country is what inspires me to live. After all the things that we've been through, I still love you "more then words can say." I held in everything, I miss you. I held in all my thoughts and emotions when they could have poured buckets.

 

     I am now living a life without you. I want to give you the Flag back. I want to give your heart back, but I have it. It has yet to leave me. You were born loving me. You died loving me. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me. I can't wait to feel you in my arms again when I run through those gates to see you in your uniform.

 

     I love you Forever and Always.

                     Love,

                         BabyGirl.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I wrote this in my last words to my first love who died a little over a month ago. This is all i Have to say, becaus i never got to tell him myself the niht he died. It wasnt planned.
Hunter James Smith
3.8.93 - 3.21.11

I love you
April 15,2010