Chapter 3

Everyday I would provide the Path to Happiness. Generally so the burnouts could get their fix for the day. Fifth period comes along and I roll through the thorn bushes cut with the pocket knife I never leave home without.  We finally come to the abandoned bleachers. They roll up and toke the freshly rolled blunts that I have no part of. I honestly always thought it was a waste of time. Getting high when you could be out doing other things. Making something of yourself. But not them. No not them. They just liked the freedom and nothing else comes to them. Not responsibility. Nothing. It never made any sense to me. I understand why my father does it. It mellows him out from all the stress at his job, the memories of my mother. I get it. Not sure why the guys do it. They just say they did it for fun and "F**k school".

This day in particular, I walked out of fifth, sat with the burnouts and right beside Matt Black. A very excruciating feeling. I liked it weirdly. I never thought about him outside of when I was with him. I felt electricity when I was with him. When I sat beside Matt on the abandoned bleachers, or saw him in class, all I wanted to do was grab his perfectly prickled face and kiss him. I never did. I kind of wanted too. But at the same time I didn't. What reason did I have for kissing Matt Black? None. Maybe because I suddenly grew the skills to feel. No. No I didn't. How could I all of a sudden grow feelings? That obviously wasn't important because I never thought about it after that.

I walked downtown. Didn't really feel like going back to school. I had no reason to. Good grades, and no friends. None that I trusted anyway. Just a day I knew was going to be different. I walked a couple miles. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I would know when I would get there. I walked passed the burned bank. It was sure a sight to look at. I wondered why they never did anything with it. It's probably one of the reasons people don't come here or move here. I haven't seen a new person here in years. Last person to move here, that I was aware of ,was Matt Black. What a nice addition to Morning Side. Not. Seeing all the girls drewling over him made my blood boil. I wasn't jealous, I just hated the girls around here. Seeing them drewl over the guy who only hung out with one girl, which was me, made me so mad there was no reason for explaining the feeling.  

I sat on the green box for a little while. Chatted with the garbage man, Larry, for a bit, then I decided to contemplate my life and where it was going. Those thoughts only lasted a couple seconds when I got detracted by the diner the Chinese man owned. I walked up to it, debating weather or not to go inside when I saw a girl with thigh-high brown leather boots on, a fishnet black skirt, and a white tank top on. I never really walked this far into town. She interested me to go inside when I saw the man who followed up behind her.

"Alice! Wait up!" The man was screaming her name like she was something special. 

Apparently the girl in the leather boots was named Alice. Had a nice ring to it I thought. I followed both inside and sat at a booth by myself an ordered a glass of water. I only had a couple bucks on me. Four, maybe five bucks. Nevertheless, I felt kind of creepy following this Alice girl into a run down diner. I can't necessarily say run down. It had business, the business of old, fat, sweaty guys that repulsed me. 

My attention was focused on this girl. I don't know why, but I loved to look at her. So beautiful, in a repulsive kind of way. I've never seen someone like her before around here. Maybe that's because... no, that cant be possible. 

I took a sip of the  water I ordered, then before I sat the glass down she darted out the door like the building was being shot at. I put a dollar down and casually walked out the door. Just in case it looked like I was following her. I saw her running in her heels and then she disappeared behind one of the dark buildings. That's where the Red Zone was. Where people disappear off the grid and no one knows their real names. Basically a no one place to be. A 24/7 police radar.

I was iffy about checking out the Red Zone. But then again, curiosity killed the cat. I kicked a few rocks and stole a pack a gum from the Quick Stop on the way home. Walking down my driveway had a little bit of an eery feeling to it. I blocked that feeling away and kept my pace to the front door. I went for the doorknob and when I opened it, a punch in the face almost suffocated me from the aroma of my father.  

"where the hell have you been.."

"Out."

"Out where exactly? I have been worried sick about you."

"No you weren't," he never cares if I'm out late. "You're too high to care dad. Now go sit down and watch TV"

He sighed. "Fine, I'm sorry I didn't mean to be so forward. You just.. I guess.. I mean... you know."

"Yeah, I know all about today dad. I know. Just try and relax." 

Today was a hard day for my father. Probably the reason he snapped at me. Even though he rarely ever talked about it. I knew what today was. Ten years ago my mother left my father for some Benz-driving prick. All I knew is that he was rich and "stole" my mothers heart. She just wanted his money. My father says that shes probably in California somewhere. Good for her. Anywhere's better then here.

I left my father on the couch with the second hand T.V. that was given to us by the neighbors. We couldn't afford hardly anything. Did I feel bad? Yeah, I did a little. But by the looks of him picking off the plants on the shelves and rolling a fresh one. It seemed like he would be okay. Besides, you would think someone would be mad if someone left you for a filthy rich, sex grubbing, pig. I guess that was just my opinion. 

My room was comforting when I got to write in my notebooks about how s****y or how plain and simple my day was. It eased my thoughts and calmed my temper. It was something my brother got me started with right before he died. I was seven. He was a lot older then me. Never really talked to anyone but me. I never knew why because I was so young. He would always ask me how my day at school was. Then I would cry because the kids were just so mean. Taunt and torture me everyday. I had to wear hand-me-downs from my brother or my cousins on my moms side. We never had money. So I never had nice things to wear to school. I tolerated it. More than any other 7 year old would. Right after Jason died. I went completely numb and nothing ever mattered. Its still the way I am today. Meaningless and numb. I didn't know how to feel emotions. Just numbness running through me. Spiraling through my brain like a thousand buzzing bees.

* * * 

"Hello? .. Helllooo? Anybody?"

It was so dark I couldn't see my hand inches from my face. Was I okay? What was going on? Everything was so black. All of a sudden there was a wind cold enough to freeze you over. Went right through me. It was nauseating. Made me feel like I was going to pass out at anytime. I felt like I was spinning like a top. 

"What the f-f..."

A light was flickering behind me. I turned around so fast I almost fell. There was a shadowed figure in the distance. I couldn't decide if it scared me or I was still numb and didn't care. It was getting closer and closer. It unraveled its face and blew purple powder in my face. I fell the, what seemed like the floor and-

"OUCH!" 

Did I really just fall out of my chair? Did I pass out when I was writing? I guess I did. What the hell was going on. I haven't had a nightmare in God knows how long. I shook it off and prepared my day. It was the weekend, so I thought treat myself to something. I, again, didn't know where exactly I was going.