Mommies and Daddies

2/15/2011 Wrote for a writing comp camp and everyone liked it.. Tell me what you think?

Arguments break out

In the middle of the night

The bags being pack

 

Then they go out of sight

The house doesn’t have

The smell of the mother

 

The father quietly

Telling himself

“It’ll be alright

 

It’ll be just fine.”

The mother walking

Out the door

 

The car’s engine

Softly humming

The things packed

 

Are never returning

The kids are

Supposed to be asleep

 

But the littlest one

Sitting in the living room

Watching everything

 

That’s going down

Listening to everything

That is said

 

Thinking she’ll see her mommy

Tomorrow morning

Though she is clutching

 

On to her doll

Like there is no

Tomorrow

 

Then a single tear

Falls out of her eye

She thinks it’s her fault

 

 

That mommy is gone

Daddy says

“Don’t worry Princess

 

Mommy and Daddy just can’t

Stay together. You’ll see

This is for the best.”

 

The little girl knows

It’s not for the best

Mommies and Daddies

 

Are supposed to stay together

“What about us kids?”

The little girl says.

 

The dad looks away

He walks in to the kitchen

Hiding his face

 

That’s covered with disgrace.

His sophomoric acts

Take the blame

 

But in all actually

The marriage wasn’t

Working on either side

 

The kids heard every single

Word they had said

In their pointless arguments

 

The pain grow inside the dad

They need to work out their problems

Once again.

Author's Note

Please review! (Honest reviews please!)

Reviews

[{A}shley {B}lack @-;-]

I really love your story telling ability and the imagery you generate into my mind you have done a great job here and I can see why everyone liked this piece well done keep the writing coming thank you for sharing this

100/100

[*skittlez*]

not bad i really luv this

[General Frost]

not bad Giggles :P really good. the only that that i was ify about is the sentences run to another block/paragraph thats the only thing but in all very good :D

[Jim Parson]

Honestly and truthfully, Kaitlyn...ooops, I mean Giggles...this one fell a little flat for me and I''m not really certain why. You usually write with such incredible emotion, it's what I love best about you. All the right words are here, I just don't feel it in this one like I always do from you. I wish I could tell you why. Maybe because it reads more like a narrative? Sorry I have nothing constructive to offer because I don't know why I'm not feeling it.

[jjjjjjjjjjjjj]

wow i really loved it. its like seen it all when i read it. its emotional yet moving. i love to read more of ur writin