Mentally Crippled

A glimpse into the issues of anxiety

It’s like my stomach is in my chest and my chest is in my throat. It’s like I might just throw up those organs. Why not throw up my lungs while I’m at it. My heart seems to be pounding. I can’t focus. It’s not a panic attack. It’s just anxiety, and it hits at some point, for an undetermined amount of time, every single god damn day.

It’s like right now, in this moment, finding something to wear today is a panic worthy situation. It’s like getting dressed is so terrifying I might just not do it. I might not do it ever again.

It’s like every decision I have ever made in my entire life was wrong. Just utterly, completely, and horrifyingly wrong. One mistake after another. Oh, and my life goals? Well today they’re impossible. Yesterday, or even when I was staring at the ceiling in the middle of the previous night, they we certain. Today I don’t know if I can make it to tomorrow.

On top of all of that - no one knows. No one wants to know. People don’t understand. Every day, I hear ignorant people saying it’s not a “real medical issue, it’s an excuse, and everyone gets stressed sometimes.” All I can think is how can people truly believe that when today, I am just as crippled as a bedridden paralysis patient. So I say nothing, I say nothing for a long time. Until one day, I know if these thoughts and feelings don’t get heard by someone, anyone, other than my own trap of a mind, I won’t be here much longer. So I open up, in a desperate act to save my life I tell someone “I don’t feel well” or “I barely slept last night” But I don’t tell them everything. I tell enough to maintain my sanity. Just enough information to push myself to maintain my life sustaining functions.

Every day, I desperately will my anxiety to disappear.

Author's Note

definitely ignore grammar..

Reviews

[Chris]

Hi ...you've been heard. Perhaps the key will be knowing you ARE heard and that another will listen as you try to talk through your "dealing" as best you can. You have to breathe to catch a breath ...but maybe you just caught a break - and that is pretty rare sometimes.

[aj sesinyi]

;( i've never heard or seen anxiety explained this way.its painful how victims suffer so much pain but get told that "its nothing serious,its not an illness, just stop stressing."
no one wishes to feel that way and we dont call it upon ourselves.
This is very well-written,great job

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful and strong words.
"No one wants to know. People don’t understand. Every day, I hear ignorant people saying it’s not a “real medical issue, it’s an excuse, and everyone gets stressed sometimes.”
The above lines are true. I lost many to suicide and drugs. I learn too late to stop and listen. Speak less and listen more. Above lines are true. People don't want to face a person who is struggling. Thank you for sharing the outstanding story. You left a lot for the reader to think about.
Coyote

[Writeforlovely]

I understand how you feel. Anxiety is an awful thing to deal with. But it can be overcome!