Wishes Washed Away

We talked through windows and under stars

Disappearing in flashes of light

I burned down the whole damn town to get to you

Searched for your eyes in the shadows

And called to you from the tower

 

I couldn't help but to try though I knew you didn't want me

None of it seemed real to me

Masked in illusion

Now I wonder were you went

Died in the dreams we made

Getting your solitude that you talked about

 

Everything was so f*****g infinite

And everything radiated with its beauty

Like the sun that reflected off the lake

But you saw that they poisoned the grass where we hid

It died when you went away

Far away….

 

Reviews

[Olive Belikov]

Ilove it. It says so much

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Ms. Zero,

When writing it is wise to always write with an emotional filled heart, but never forget your mind as poetry is a collaboration of heart and soul. You do use some good illustrations to show the message of what you are talking about, but cursing is never required to make a poem great. Flow is a little off, rhyming helps the reader to keep his attention as well. What is the tower? "But you saw that they poisoned the grass where we hid, didn't you??" could easily be "They poisoned the grass where we hid. It died when you went away." Using "Far away..." at the end of the third stanza and sixth line isn't really needed to create repetition. Now, you may look at my review and be mad or you may look at my review and say, "Oh man, he thinks I suck horribly." But criticism is a show of a respect, I guess, among writers. You do have the potential to become a great writer, just make sure when you write that you don't become redundant. Kudos. 7.9/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Thomas B. Buckman]

This is a great show of emotion.
It says so much, with so few words.
Well done.

[only hope]

i love this poem, full of emotion,written from the heart,keep it up and ill keep reading :)
on a side note,what song were u luistening to when reading my poem ?
keep writing :) lee

[Lexi =]]

Gre@t Poem! =]

[Nicole]

Daayyyuumm Katie.
This was amazing.
I even read it twice. ;)
I love the first stanza, and the last two lines(the end) made me all sad.. O.o
Dude.. This is just epic. xD

[Christopher.Holmberg]

Excellent piece...add me?

[Jinelly]

i enjoyed it:]