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A short musing over life with anxiety.

I did not choose to be born this way.

I did not choose to be born.

Life is indeed a gift.

But it is also a curse.

I can experience joy.

I can laugh.

I can watch a sunrise.

I can marvel at these things.

I can wonder and think of their origin.

Yet I also experience pain.

I cry.

I scream.

I rake my flesh for answers.

I know it is illogical.

I wish I knew how to stop it.

I wish I knew how to help myself.

I wish I knew how to be "normal".

But I will always live with my disorders.

Even when I can function, 

I will always live with them.

They are always there.

Watching. Waiting.

If at any time I slip,

They will overtake me.

I did not ask to be born this way.

I did not ask to be born at all.

But now that I am here,

I will not let you ruin my experience.