Part 8

Yael gets desperate.

I waited for the patrols to die down enough for me to go out. I sat on the roof of the warehouse watching them at night. But one night I saw something strange. I saw a fire not too far out of town. As far as I could tell no one but me ever came here, and no one from town ever left. Whoever it was had to have food with them, and it seemed a lot safer to steal from them than to sneak back into town. I climbed down, grabbed my bag, and snuck to the outskirts of town to find the fire.

When I got there fire was out and I didn’t see anyone around. I was worried that I had walked into a trap and hid in a gas station that wasn’t far from the fire. I nearly tripped over the person sleeping inside. He was in a corner holding a gun like he had been watching the door. I wasn’t sure if it really had been a trap and he fell asleep on the job, or if he didn’t trust anyone either. He had a huge bag by his feet that I hoped was full of food. I’m glad my stomach didn’t roar while I was there, or I would’ve woken him up.

I tried to be as quiet as possible and go through his bag, but I decided to just take the whole thing and look later. When I tried picking it up it nearly crushed me. It weighed almost as much as I did. I wondered how on earth this guy was carrying it. I picked it up as much as I could and slid it out of the store. I knew I couldn’t drag it down the road so I threw it onto my back and slowly strained my way back to town. It took a lot longer than I expected and the sun was coming up by the time I got back.

Author's Note

It's supposed to be a first person narrative. I want to flesh it out as much as it needs. Let me know what you think needs changed, dropped, or expanded on. Be critical.

Reviews

[EileenM]

Liking it a lot!

A few grammar tweaks:
"He had a huge _bad_ by his feet that I hoped was full of food." End of second 'graph. "Bad" should be "bag"
" I picked it up as much as I could and slid it out of the store." Feels awkward to me, but.. if it's fine with you that's all that matters.

[Jordan]

Awkward way of trying to show its a heavy bag.