Breath

It's all in how you use your words.

 My pulse is getting quicker. My breathing is so shaky. I can only imagine what you're feeling. I've thought about this a lot. I've wanted you for so long.

 This is my first time, but I'm sure you could tell by now. And it's obvious that it's yours too. Just look at those tears. Maybe if I just kiss you you'll calm down.

 Please don't scream. I know it hurts, just please calm down.

 I love pressing against you, dragging my hand down your body. The look in your eyes makes me come alive. Is it fear? Excitement?

 I love the way it feels when I press it against you and feel it slide in. My heart is beating out of my chest. Who knew it would be so amazing.

 I said stop screaming! You're ruining it for me! I sharpened the knife myself just so it would be easier on you. Don't you appreciate that? Don't you love me?

 Look me in the eye! You never would have respected me in the first place. That's why I had to take you. I waited so long. I tried to fight it. I watched you, bled for you, cried over you, but you never knew I was there!

 I love you so much and for what? For you to act this way? I tried fighting it. But I couldn't help the thoughts. I couldn't help the want. The need. The lust. I needed to feel you. I needed to feel your breath.

 The very last one. Slide out of your body. Be still. Just let me in. I love you.

 I love the darkness in your eyes.

 I love the way your hair smells, I washed it myself. 

 I love the way your skin feels under my fingers. So cold. So soft. So pale.

 And even with the blood running down your chin and the gag in your mouth, I love the way your lips feel on mine. They're icy but they light a fire in me.

 But most of all...I loved the way your last breath felt on my neck.

Author's Note

It's a little late for Valentine's Day but I say everyday should be a romantic one!
I don't typically like doing these because I'm a person behind a screen and it makes me feel like everyone is going to think I'm a killer.
But let me know what you think! Freaked out? Disgusted? Pleasantly surprised? Bored?

Also, to be perfectly clear. When he says its his first time, he means first time murdering. He then makes a joke about because she's still alive it's obviously her first time being murdered. I reread this a couple times and felt like it might be confused for rape. NO SEX IS BEING HAD IN THIS. AT ALL. THE ONLY PENETRATION IS WITH A KNIFE. Thank you. That is all.

Reviews

[Daz]

Brilliant writing.... and I'm not just saying that...

You know I'm someone who read a lot of Stephen King in my teenage years. I can appreciate this type of material. And I understand your concern about how it's perceived by others. It's all about balance really and knowing when to separate real life from art.

With that said, there's a lot of really good lines here I don't know which is my favorite?

"I love pressing against you, dragging my hand down your body. The look in your eyes makes me come alive. Is it fear? Excitement?

I love the way it feels when I press it against you and feel it slide in. My heart is beating out of my chest. Who knew it would be so amazing."

Sexy murder...
A beautiful death!

[Jordan]

"Sexy murder." lol

[SuMM3rGiRl777]

Nice! Has a rough start, but it's deep and crazy, lol. ^_^ i like it.

[CLRose]

I think everybody else covered the dichotomy of the murder/sex ambiguity here in this story, so I'll just say watch out for using "I" a lot. In some cases it works, but the repetition seems to dull its effectiveness. Just a suggestion. Keep writing.

[Jordan]

You have my interest. Elaborate. I've never heard that.

[CalvinnTay]

You played with your words well. It started out as casual sex for me then it turned rough at the end. I liked it. I'm looking forward to read more of your work.

[Jordan]

Rough is one word for it. :) Glad you liked it.

[Cladine]

First I thought it was rape ,actually. But eventually I understand the story and its creeping me out. His words felt like obsession and his own darkness surrounded his love for her.I like it!

[Jordan]

I realized after reading it that it sounded like rape. I intentionally made it seem like sex at first but my transition from sounding like sex to it being murder wasn't very good.

I'm glad you feel that way about it. It's interesting just to see how people react to it.

[PJ Acker]

Your skill at evoking emotion by the rhythm of the word strings, the length of the sentences to induce a quickness of pulse is exciting. I understand playing with your abilities and pushing the limits to see where it takes you. Good job at exploring this tool.

[Jordan]

I think I should do more. People actually like it. After I wrote it I thought, "Great, now I'm the crazy guy with people in his basement." But the positive response is surprising. Maybe I'm not the only one with people in my basement!

But thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

[EileenM]

Creepily, eerily, wonderfully good! Love the initial ambiguity - you describe it so well! - and then slowly, carefully ease into the real intimacy. I can feel the terror, see it through the eyes of the intended, all through the narrative of your protagonist. It's... delicious.

I left a present for you in my writing, three of them actually.

[Jordan]

I had to get into character for it. I'm a method writer when it comes to psychological and horror writing. Am I crazy? Am I a murderer? Am I a crazy murderer?

Maybe he's born with it, maybe it's the Silent Hill 2 soundtrack. (Hint: It's the soundtrack.)

[C. Rose]

I love the twist of the cliche "breath on neck" to the morbid "last breath of neck".
"Darkness in your eyes" "Last breathe - slide out of your body".
After the first few lines I was hoping that sex was a mislead, so I was happy it was murder.
I like that you never say the victim dies, you just show 'attractive' aspects after (he?) dies which is in line with how the narrator would perceive the victim.

Fantastic use of words :D

[Jordan]

"I was happy it was murder." lol

Ambiguity of gender of both the murderer and the victim seems to work for it. It probably helps in seeing it. I'm glad you like it.

[Jordan]

Scratch that. It's only ambiguous if you don't read my added note at the bottom.