Brown Eyes

i don't know why i get so lost
in those deep brown eyes
and i don't know why i care so much
that when your sad i start to cry

my feelings have all shown
you know just who i am
but when i look into your deep brown eyes
i can sware i can see your soul

cause when you look at me
i loose all self control
when you talk to me
oh, i can't breath
and when I think of you,
i hope your thinking of me.
Oh those deep brown eyes

when i see your smile
when i feel your kiss
when i gaze into
your eyes
i just can't miss
just how beautiful you are
inside and out
oh those deep brown eyes

 

Reviews

[J Carly]

I can really feel the emotion here. I like it very much.

Aside from the tiny spelling errors, the only thing that gave me pause was this line,

"i hope your thinking of me
those deep brown eyes"

This is just a random suggestion, please don't take offence, but perhaps you could say something like,
"i hope you're thinking of me
behind those deep brown eyes"

It might help the flow just a bit. Otherwise, it's perfect. Well done!

[Gabi Celaya]

it's reminiscent of the grammatical style of e.e.cummings, if you haven't read his work I recommend you do. Some people may criticize the spelling mistakes but I particularly enjoyed reading the word swear as sware, the different pronunciation it evoked was very pleasing to my ear.
Very well done indeed.