Pain

Pain

 

The feeling you get when you're

Abandend,lost,hurt

Scared,forgoten or lonely

 

The feeling you try to

Burn,cut,starve

Scratch and scrape away

 

The feeling you try to mask with

Smokeing,snorting

Shooting up and inhailing

 

The feeling that makes you

Scream,shout and whine

intill you go mute

 

Theres no cure for this deases

And everyones infected

Reviews

[Silere]

So powerful is the word Pain. You described it very well indeed. I enjoyed and agree with your poem. I do like what Jennifer suggested though. Just remember when taking someone's advice that you actually agree with it.. that you like the finished product. Don't just take the advice because it's there. You must be happy in the end.. with your own work. But in this case, I think you sounds great the way Jennifer suggests. Keep up the great work..and by all means.. keep writing! I can see a lot of passion, emotion, and talent within you. Let it out!

[Perfume]

I actually liked your original version better Kat. Although, do watch your grammar here and there.
There is a rawness to this. Sort of melancholy. In a way that tells me you're moving with these feelings. Not from them or to them. You're there. You've accepted them. You're holding their hands even though they're making you work for them, but you realize it, and it's okay.
But it's not okay, right? That's the point. It's not okay, but it's inevitable; that last stanza.
Strange little poem this is, even though the subject matter is relatable and steady. It reads well and has staying power, which makes it beautifully uncomfortable.
Lovely piece, I really enjoyed it. :]

[JenLyn]

I like the poem but maybe you could try something like this and make it better, oh and I know everyone does it but watch out for grammar and spelling errors.

Ex.

The feeling you get when you're in pain
Abandoned, lost, hurt
Scared, forgotten, lonely

When feeling pain you try
Burn, cut, starve
Scratch and scrape it away

When feeling pain you try to mask it by
Smoking ,snorting
Shooting up and inhaling

Pain, The feeling that makes you
Scream, shout and whine
till you go insane

There’s no cure for this disease
And everyone’s infected with it
PAIN!

Just a thought of how to maybe make it flow a little easier but it's your poem and of course you can do with it what you want. But it's a good write, keep it up! Keep writing! :)