The Breakup Letter

I’m writing this for you to read because I know you might not listen if I tell you directly.

So it’s been two weeks. And at first I was really distraught and sad. I’ve missed you everyday since then. But that’s not why I’m writing this letter. I wanted something special with you. I wanted us to have a meaningful relationship with equal effort and love. I wanted you to be there for me when I needed you. I wanted to see you all the time and be with you all the time. I wanted to lay in your arms and wake up with you by my side, I wanted to imagine doing that in the future and being able to wake up next to you, I wanted to talk to you more about anything everything or nothing at all, as long as it meant we were able to talk to each other I was happy. It made me so happy to get your texts and to talk on the phone with you and skyping you. I think you saw how happy I was when you skyped me that one night after I told you how much it meant to me. Little things mean a lot to me. It meant alot to me when you would come see me or when you skyped me or when you would just cup my lil face in your hands and give me fishy kisses. It made me feel so special, like I mattered so much to you but...

Whether we like it or not the fact is we’ve had more downs than ups in our relationship. And it hurt. All of it. Whether it be from you always running away from our problems leaving me to deal with it and ignoring me, wishing we talked more about things not involving sex, thinking in the back of my mind you’re always going to be browsing the menu while you’re with me, believing the promises you broke, getting excited from a phone call but then being disappointed because you just butt dialed me, facing the fact that you’ve never had butterflies with me, wanting to take your attention away from your phone back to me, wishing you wanted to be with me as much as I want to be with you, hearing from you that 50% of you wants to leave me, knowint tg that if I became weak that you would, having sex with you even when I told you I didn’t want to i wish that for a moment in time all your focus would be on me, needing you and having you not be there, trying to get through to you and trying to get you to understand how I felt, begging you to meet me halfway because I know people don't change overnight… All of a sudden within these two weeks I realized that I can’t keep fooling myself, hoping that maybe you’ll knock on my window one night saying “I’m sorry I hurt you, but I love you, and because of that I’ll do whatever it takes so you know I love you for more than just your affection and your body. I love you because you’re special to me. I love you because you’re my home.” But I know life isn’t that generous when it comes to this. And maybe you won’t feel any sympathy for me. Maybe you won’t feel guilty. Maybe you skimmed through this letter and didn’t read it all… But that’s okay. I’m not asking for your sympathy or guilt. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t read it all. All that matters is you know how I feel and how I felt. Maybe that won’t change anything. Maybe it’ll change everything. Maybe you’ll get over me within the next month or sooner. Maybe you already have. All I know is that I love you with all my heart not just ¾ of it. And I tried my best to give you my everything, even if it meant giving something to you that I was reluctant to give. Even if it meant you didn’t feel the same way. Even if it meant you only wanted me for my body or affection. I love you regardless. I can’t say that I don’t. I wish I could tell you I didn’t care about you, or that I was just using you. I wish I could be the type of person who can just get over people like that and move on. But I can’t lie or be someone I’m not. I love you so much Winston. But If you can’t meet me halfway and be the person to show me that they feel the same way or be there for me when I need you, then I need to find someone who will. I want to be with someone who will hold me in the height of monsoon season, not leave me to drown in the rubble of it all. And if I can’t find someone who will, then I’ll pick up the pieces by myself.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful and sad letter. I love the days of letters. Personal and deep thoughts written to paper for us to hold and keep. Even the sad ones. I like the honest tone. Make the reader feel the thoughts and emotion of the writer. Thank you Cat for sharing the amazing letter.
Coyote

[Cat]

I love the days of letters too. :) thanks for your review

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome dear Cat.