How I see myself

Freshmen assignment for my English class.

I sit isolated from the world in a library study room. No one, not even I, knows where I truly am in this exact moment. Yet, the oddest thing has occurred; I seem to be in two places at once. For not only am I in this dainty little study room but far off in the distant mountain peak easily spotted out of the library window in which I sit in front of. I seem to be waving at myself, the self that sits in the library chair, the one that is sad and brooding, as if in mockery.

Up on the mountain I am scared; the heart inside my chest beats hard inside its cage hoping to escape my fate. My fear of heights encompasses me. I gulp for air, I breathe, and the air up here is fresh and sweet. No longer do I pant and wheeze but breathe in gulps this refreshing air which clears my mind, acting as if it were a drug, a stimulant. The fear I felt but a minute ago dissolves as quickly as it came like a cloud that threatens rain parts and welcomes warmth and sun instead.

Now I feel her mockery like stings from a thicket of thorns.  Why cannot I be me, the one that sits high up on that mountain peak? She resembles inner peace and I long to know her secret to achieving it but instead I sit here in the library chair all in despair. I look around and contemplate my surroundings in an attempt to ignore my own scorn. The library is silent and undisturbed which does not offer consolation, it does nothing but heighten my nerves to the point of bitter agitation. There is a longing in the depths of my soul to hinder my passions unreasonable.

However, I dare to dream, to befriend my agony. I hold her hand and do not let go for I, the one so high above, shall fall and this I know. So I’ll wait in this library, make sure I, the real me, am safe and ready to climb. I see myself twirl and fall but the girl up there is no longer me. Oh, the strangest thing! She has deceived, she is a cheat. I am me, the real me. Alas! I climb up to the mountain peak. Once I reach the top I cannot see the library window, for I never really did, never could, and never once was I really her. It was not me who waved in mockery but a stranger whom I haven’t seen in the reflection which stares at me from the mirrored glass. That mirror I’ve broken ever since that day, so long ago, when she bequeathed me her sole beneficiary to the kingdom up on that mountain peak. Finally, I feel at peace for what seems the first time in my life. No worries can reach me while I am so high above, up here on my mountain peak, where I am god.