Sample #1

This is the first sample I've written, displaying a scene that would take place during the first act. It introduces a few elements of the story without going into much detail.

The knock at my office door had shaken me out of the trance-like state I was in, my eyes still focused on the leather-bound book in front of me. I cleared my throat while closing the book, sliding open the drawer of my desk, placing the book inside before closing it.

"Come on in." I announced.

A creaking filled the room as the wooden door opened, enabling a young man to enter, closing it behind him. His eyes almost immediately fell onto the messy state of my desk, the half-empty whiskey bottle somehow sticking out like a sore thumb. His gaze moved to me, something of a judgmental look crossing his features before his expression softened.

"Detective."

I grunted a greeting and adjusted in my chair, leaning back slightly while crossing my arms. I already knew why he was here. This case was killing me. Almost literally. Still, that wasn't the worst of it. Managing my career while also tending to my other "duties" was akin to recurring suicide.

"The coroner's report came in. Just like the last couple bodies, there were strange circumstances. Seemingly drowned in his apartment in the middle of his living room. Not a drop of water anywhere around him aside from what had leaked from his body."

I nodded grimly, grabbing the whiskey bottle to pour myself a drink, taking a quick shot.

"Yeah. I thought so." I grumbled.

"You thought so? Do you know how this is happening?" He questioned.

I glanced solemly at my now empty glass, wondering just how much information I could share with him. There were a lot of things out there that most people just didn't understand. I really couldn't afford to rip the veil away from just anyone I came across. My response came slowly, in a foreboding tone.

"I have a good idea. You won't like it though."

His expression hardened, his eyes narrowing as he looked at me quizically. He spoke with determination.

"Tell me."

Author's Note

As its just a short sample, I don't imagine you'll have much to go on. However, I am particularly curious as to whether or not the dialogue seems natural to others. I feel I capture the fluidity of conversation, yet, I wonder about what others think.