Mikey & Kate

Hello everyone, I am currently studying the art of Creating Characters online. Unfortunately, I get little or no feedback with tips / suggestions which is a BUMMER! Hoping you guys can help me improve

TASK

Choose a book or film that you have recently enjoyed, or select a story from mythology. Identify the core desire, need, or ambition in at least TWO main characters in the book/film/myth. (Cinderella: Need to be loved for who she really is. Prince: Need to be loved for who he really is.) Write one paragraph to familiarize your reader with your chosen characters. Then, create a new, original character and fit that person into your story (A second, compelling woman joins the Prince and Cinderella at the ball.) Let us see all of your characters in a social situation and craft a short scene. (Cinderella, the Prince and The New Woman are all having a drink on the terrace. Cinderella thinks she has found a new friend. The Prince is jealous. The New Woman is a flirt.) Be sure to include telling details. Your scene should not exceed 400 words, and the introductory paragraph does not count towards the word count.

Outline of Characters 

Mikey and Kate are married. Mikey currently wants to drink himself to a new life. He leads a semi-successful band, sleeps with other women, holds a day job and comes home night after night obliterated by drink. Kate is an adopted child who yearns to know her birth mother. She sees her birth mother in other women everywhere. She is an artist, like the father she does not know, she is a devoted mother but lately, after finding an empty condom packet in Mikey’s jeans she is no longer a devoted wife. Kate has decided to pursue finding her birth mother and at the same time leave Mikey for good. To give herself Dutch courage tells Mikey’s father, Tom, Mikey is an alcoholic. Tom is not aware Kate is preparing to leave. 

Mikey & Kate 

‘Hello Mikey my boy,’ Tom said, thrusting his hand toward Mikey.

‘Alright dad, good to see you. Nice surprise you coming to visit Molly. You know you didn’t have to come all the way up here. I was planning to bring the family down in the next couple of weeks.’

Kate shuffled past awkward scene of the two grown men greeting each other. 

‘If I wait for an invitation from you son, it would likely be for an invitation to Molly’s wedding. That’s assuming I’d be invited.’ 

‘I’ll warm the soup will I?’ Kate suggested.

‘Sounds great love, let me help with your bags dad.’ Mikey us suddenly eager to help. 

After a lunch filed with the kind of small talk strangers at parties engage in, Tom directed conversation at Mikey. ‘After a long trip in the train trying to figure out how to approach this, I decided the best bet is to come out and say what needs to be said.’ 

Mikey looked at Kate, who, kept her back to the both of them and busied herself with hands elbow deep in the sink water. 

Folding his arms against his chest, ‘go on then, out with it.’ 

‘It’s about your drinking. I think….’

‘Hang on a minute, what about it. I don’t drink any more than the other lads.’ Mikey’s voice raised now and staring through Kate’s back. It was her who instigated this visit.

‘Mikey I don’t really care what the other lads do. I care what you do. I care about your family. Arriving home each night, passing out, pissing and vomiting while you are asleep is not taking care of your family.’ 

Mikey shot a look at Kate again who was now facing them leaning against the sink. ‘I don’t know what she’s told you, but don’t believe it.’ 

‘I’m not here to condemn, I’m only here to try and help.’ 

‘This is bollocks! I work all hours to bring home money to not only feed and clothe my family but to pay for her paints to keep her little hobby going too? Don’t you come into my home and tell me I don’t look after my family.’ Shoving the chair away from the table he stood to leave the room. 

‘Stop Mikey. I need to speak.’ A forceful request from Kate. 

‘You need to speak? You could have spoken before you got my father involved.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Hello my friend, happy new year to you. I am more a poetry freak but I got drawn into your story line here. My attention span ain't that great, that's why I stick to poems rather than chapters or novels. However having said that I was lured in by your introduction and pleased for the visit. Your characters are strong, believable, relatable and I wanted to read more. It might not seem so, but that is quite a compliment coming from me. Good to see a post from you KWP.

Sending love across the pond.

Chris

[KWP]

Hello Chris,

For someone who says they have a short attention span (I don't believe that) I wanna say thanks for reading this all the way through. You may be inspiration enough to start writing again. My goal is to write a short story sometime soon, really work it, hone it and present it.

Thanks so much for your thoughts.

Love right back XXX

[Chris Shaw]

I really hope you achieve your goal. Good to read you :)

[Davidgeo]

I like your style but, I'm just a pig.

I only read half this thing. My patience is thin and not for any good reason. Apologies. I shouldn't have said anything

[KWP]

I get it - I was honing writing skills - it was a specific task - not for everyone to enjoy :d

[Aeri]

the main character's name is Mikey (:
where the Tokyo Revenger's fans at >_

[KWP]

I must admit I have no idea what you are talking about :D

[Aeri]

Mikey is one of the most liked character from the ongoing anime Tokyo Revenger.
Haha doesn't matter; love your work Ma'am (I should say)

[KWP]

oh - well there you go - thanks for sharing 😃

[Einstein Noodle]

really top notch intro paragraph .. concise, clearly defined characters ..the contrasts and tug of war possibilities are endless ... A++ already!
on the story ... human and relatable .. i can identify with all three actually .. closing is explosive says i! I think she is not going to talk about his drinking only .. hmmmmmmm well .. hooked me KWP! I want to know more!
E.

[KWP]

Ahh how brilliant are you for stopping by. Love you for that. Thanks for your remarks too - I am really enjoying these writing tasks.

Love your side XXX

[Einstein Noodle]

love you back my dear friend