Untouchable

The last time we spoke you told me you were used to telling people to do something, then dutifully, like a dog awaiting a pat, they get it done. These people cannot possess intelligence. Their main aim, to shine bright in your eyes. You will allow them too. That is your gift to them for their subservient ways. 

Your voice soft, a tool you use in manipulation. You held my hand and maintained eye contact. It was a precarious time back then. The history we shared. Treading lightly with you my only aim. I allowed you to say your hollow words. You hugged me. I nodded. You left. Your life a whirlwind of women, business and saying the right thing. 

People who think for themselves are dangerous for you.

The issue is your lack of integrity. Your narcissistic ways. Your incessant requirement for everyone to love you, to admire you. The insecurity that beams from within you blinds me. 

Perhaps your emotional intelligence has been thwarted along the way, how or why I have no idea, I choose not to know too much about you, there’s no need. I never wish for the opportunity to feel any kind of empathy for you. I read somewhere you came to Australia with your father and brothers. Where was your mother? This clue is vital for understanding you.

Thursday you came into the office unannounced. Unaware of your purposeful entrance, I was taken by surprise when, from behind you nestled your head into the crook of my neck. Your whiskers pin pricked against my cheek. The little left scent of your aftershave lingered. How many other women had you marked today with this scent.

‘Two thousand and twenty will be a great year for us,’ you said softly into my ear. Do you believe the words your dribble into existence?

As you embraced my shoulders, the roundness of your belly pushed against my back.The best I could do was know the moment would not last forever. You had me ensnarled in your intentions, pinned with no out.

You continued, ‘I’m sorry for all that happened last year, let’s move past it. I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you do for me, for the company. You know how much I love you, don’t you?’ 

What a hoot! Your capacity to understand me is in equal parts missing and misunderstood. I think for myself you know. I am intelligent. That’s why I hold the position I do. You are not used to a woman who speaks her mind. You are not familiar with a woman who has no desire to open her legs for you. To care for the love of a man such as yourself is bewilders me. The thought of lying naked with you in a generic hotel room, white sheets, box shower, untouched minibar is difficult to conjure. I think of you exiting the shower wiping your bald head making promises to make yourself feel good. Your protruding belly makes your penis look small. I try and imagine your cum face as you ejaculate whilst looking in the mirror to confirm ‘yes, you are the man’. It is hard to imagine any of these things when my loathing for you sits perched on the pinnacle of integrity looking down at everything I disrespect in you.

You may fool some, you don’t fool me. Perhaps the female company you keep forgot to buy brains whilst they were on sale at K-Mart. Your wife too, turning a blind eye, a fool. Women, at times, will have blurred vision when you shower them in money. 

You are incapable of believing people may actually see you for who you are. I see you. 

• Liar, cheat, womaniser, sweet talker, manipulator, deal breaker, liar, cheat - 

With no response to your confession of love, I laugh. There is no alternative reaction bursting from my mind as you and your body envelops any kind of retaliation I may have. You continue to hold me. Desperate you are to manipulate yourself back into some kind of decent relationship with me. It is too late, I see you. 

I play your game for my own benefit. You don’t make me feel uncomfortable with your advances. Maybe I should, but you don’t. Hold me as long as you like. I enjoy feeling the warmth of another human against my body. I see you. We can play this game of dress ups if you like. The game will advance to chess. You are cunning, I don’t know if I shall ever win. I shall die trying. 

You have me because I work for you. You pay me well enough to play along. Pay to play - excellent company values darling.

You deserve to be exposed. You think you are untouchable. In the world of players, people respect and admire you. 

In my reality, I have not for one second since I laid eyes on you, ever liked you. I have always seen you, and you, my boss, are the scum of the earth.

Author's Note

I have not written like this in a while,

wondering about - the order, the description (is there enough) the feeling (is there depth) the message - who does it come across?

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

I like stories that leave me feeling good in some way, are informative/educational, or feature at least one character with whom I can relate to or empathize with. I want to come away with something of value, something I might want to recall at a later time. Such things stick in the mind, like Robert Frosts' "The Road Not Taken", or Santiago's loss of the giant marlin as written in "The Old Man and the Sea". I have no affection for arguments, battles, tongue-lashings or unnecessary violence. That's me and how I am. Others are different and enjoy watching train wrecks and feeble old ladies spilling their groceries onto the sidewalk.
In this piece, the narrator has a lot to say, and none of it nice or constructive. Perhaps the recipient deserves it, but without his response, we will never know. I think your overall writing is good, though I noticed quite a few small errors in this and other of your writings that I've looked at. It is my hope that what I've said will not be taken too negatively, but just as an old amateur writer's opinion.

[KWP]

Hey Samuel,

I totally agree with you. This was never intentionally written as a story - more of a vent and an opportunity to explore a different writing style.

If you read my poetry you will see you and I are on the same page with leaving people feeling a little better bout themselves.

I do however like t o explore different ways of writing and WC is a good way of doing that.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read :)

I am ametuer too - and my grammar is crap - I admit that openly - I will leave that to the pros. :)

[Davidgeo]

You are obnoxiously good at writing. If you actually spent too much time doing this it would be earth shattering 11 out of 10 times

[KWP]

you smokin' too much again?

Thanks mate :)

[Davidgeo]

I probably never stopped smokin' too much to begin with.

[KWP]

:) I know - what's going on? how's you?

[Davidgeo]

I've literally never been better. (and in some ways never been worse).


Life is really hard not to love when you figure a couple few things out.

How's my dear friend Liz? What's it like to be you these days?

[KWP]

Oh yeah, I am just fine. In the need of more deep dives into the layers, but life is busy enough to detach me from that, which, is actually a real bugger. Contemplating the El Camino when everything opens up again - a solo trek - or perhaps I will do the Shikoku Pilgramage, I think as far a the pilgramage side goes the Shikoku suits me better. I think there would be more countryside on the El Camino, and I haven't been to Europe in a overlong time.

I am trying to write - but there is no do in try - so I guess I should just write.

PS thanks for all the inspo - your kind words work magic - if you are stoned or not - I will take 'em.

[Kelly Kepler]

Wow. This has an edge. You go girl.

I like it. It has depth and layers and wit and pointedness.

So interesting how the dynamics of the relationships work. You did a good job of portraying her as above the fray, above the abuse. Yet she is not numb to it.

He is filthy. She is impressive.
He is a dog. She is admirable.

Well done! Very well done! :)

[KWP]

That's a very nice review - thank you for taking the time to read :) I think it needs work - try to wear the corners down so to speak ... anyway let's see what transpires...

[barleygirl]

Naturally I do not like the man depicted in your poem, but I do not feel that the narrator is very many cuts above him. I hate the way this starts off with such a judgmental stab toward the millions of women who are powerless against these kinds of men. I do not believe that we have to put one group of people down in order to show how bad (or good) another person or group may be. This is what's wrong with our stymied politics. Even tho I don't like this narrator much, it isn't a sign that I don't like your writing. There are tons of people like this & you depict this one vividly. For a reader to go away hating someone from your writing is a good thing when it's a depiction of a hatable person done well.

I personally love the caustic acerbic tone of this. I don't think it needs to be fancied up with a poetic treatment. I think the straightforward style works well with a harsh subject. It conveys simmering hatred & indignity. This piece is literally STEWING in s****y vibes (a remarkable writing accomplishment). I wouldn't pretty it up very much. I want for this narrator to not wear her rage & judgement on her sleeve, which just makes her look bad, as much as him, but that's what many people do & you've captured it exactly how it looks (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Spamalot]

Something to think about: The character being spoken about is the boss. And of course, in anything, the one called "the boss" gives the orders and the employees act on it. That's a given because it's part of the job Description. Yet in line two the narrator calls everyone who does that "cannot possess intelligence." And she's talking about them doing their job, not putting up with sexual mistreatment. So it follows that in her eyes, anyone who follows their boss's orders is stupid. She looks down on them because they want the person who provides their living to see them as doing the job well. Seems a bit of a short-sighted view.

I'm guessing that you've either never held a job, have been fired a lot, or do exactly what you say those people do: follow the boss's orders and strive to do a good job.

But forgetting that, What does she do in this story? Everything the boss asks her to do, without complaint—even put up with harassment. So by HER standards, and her words, SHE lacks intelligence. She's not looking for another job, she's just going on—enabling him, and showing him he can behave like that without even letting him know she resents it. And she looks down on others for doing what she does? Who cares what she imagines. It's what she does that matters. And what she does it think about rebellion, but in reality, conforms.

The question is: why should the reader care that such an unlikable doormat, who lacks respect for others, is mistreated.

Just something to think about.

[KWP]

Good thoughts. I believe I have mentioned to you before, everyone has their own perspective on life and words read, hear or listened to will be interpreted in whatever way the reader or listener chooses to listen.

You have pointed out a different way in which this can be interpreted by a reader and it seems the message comes across different so therefore the passage requires tweaking to shape the character more.

In respect to your comment about myself personally - as a writer - that should not be relevant. A good writer can separate themselves from the reality of life.

This was an experimental piece like nothing I have written before. I understood right from the get go that it does not shine - but I wanted feedback so I could figure out a new approach, it’s slowly coming (the new approach). Let’s see what the universe brings forth.

In any case my interpretation of your review is a good tool for thought.

[Einstein Noodle]

i think the progression is forthright .. lots of creative tension built .. in my mind no real resolution .. your heroine sees clearly .. and speaks courageously to herself .. (I like how the self dialogue works for me) but she is truly trapped .. she continues to work there in spite of the "boss" ... in spite of her seeing knowing and acknowledging the situation ... i like how she is looking deeper .. past the boss's behavior .. for understanding .. but her loathing seems to take over ... ...his rounded belly makes his penis look small (love that) ... he is in her head ... probably worse the the continued physical discomfort .. i think she takes him everywhere with her ... so she is defeated in spite of her courageous "looking" ... he needs to loose his job and she needs to step up says i! testify ;) very very believable story ... complex character in both pro and antagonist ... i kind of want to scream for her to do something ... ;)
E.

[KWP]

Hey thanks E - I am gonna do a rewrite on it - move things around - try and make it more poetic - perhaps by a little more description - not fully happy with it ad I do want to play with it some more - less harsh to engage the reader a bit more??? hmmm I am thinking :)

enjoy the cooler weather XX

[Einstein Noodle]

hugs Bug! :))))))))))))))))

[emmajoy]

'You may fool some, you don’t fool me. Perhaps the female company you keep forgot to buy brains whilst they were on sale at K-Mart. Your wife too, turning a blind eye, a fool. Women, at times, will have blurred vision when you shower them in money.

' OUCH - loud and clear!

Raw, imme d iate vicious sentences, clipped words, cards on table playing out; cold, analytical candour. Trouble pending, or more so, honest speaking? o Neon signs of surorise, sadness, v isually phrased scnario as you tell.
W wanted to read ending, hard not to but res isted. In all honesty, thought something of one kind or another: too much love - maybe, or, too much h ate. Let's leave it at that.. not saying more, first review.

As ever, you r writing flows, thoughts louder than dialogue.. what's there is merely but avid garnish. Not an enjoyable read but stragnely one to re ad over. Powerful and yes, deep . Who is the worst or b etter of the two ? ( Excuse typos, will edit but have cough, wanted to r ead this. )

[KWP]

Yes I think you have put a finger on what I have been pin point myself - the too much hate bothers me, but I was trying to get a point across - I just don't think that much hate is in my repetior. (how to spell that word?)

I would also like to make each word slide into the next - more like poetry, you know. Currently I feel it jutts in and juts some more leaving the reader either feeling dirty or with added tension.

I am not certain I can beautify this easily - perhaps in the reader knowing the narrator is the one who holds control.

Thanks lady you have given me some good thought - lets see how I can play with them :)

Hope you are beautifully well. :D

[Spamalot]

"I believe I have mentioned to you before, everyone has their own perspective on life and words read, hear or listened to will be interpreted in whatever way the reader or listener chooses to listen.

I don't recall that conversation, but you make my point. Everyone has a different viewpoint, and you can't predict what that will be. So the only way to make every reader get the same story (the one you intend) is to place all readers into the protagonist's viewpoint. Then, when we all see the events exactly as the protagonist does, we will all react the same way, and share their viewpoint...become them.

"A good writer can separate themselves from the reality of life. "

If only that were true.We write what we know, by either personal experience or research. A gross example: Can a child write a realistic sex scene? No. They can't write even a romance, because they have only speculation as to how the emotions evoked feel. And fiction is about feelings, not events.

[KWP]

If only that were true.We write what we know, by either personal experience or research. A gross example: Can a child write a realistic sex scene? No. They can't write even a romance, because they have only speculation as to how the emotions evoked feel. And fiction is about feelings, not events.

Yes - on thinking about that - this is true - perhaps I could have phrased that a bit better - there are some writers who write from many different viewpoints in third person - what damn interesting minds they must have.