WOOF says BOOF

Ol’ Bill Bucket’s a big man. 

And a big man should have a big dog -

and he does. 

Bill Bucket’s dog goes by the name of BOOF.

When the beast barks, it sounds like he’s affirmin’ his self into existence.

‘WOOF,’ says BOOF from a place so deep in his lungs 

they ‘ave to send in the troops to see if there are any ‘lil babies 

livin’ inside. 

Bill Bucket and BOOF have somethin’ in common. 

The both love eating beef more then anything in the world.

‘Who needs a woman, when you can slap a cheek of beef 

on the grill, cook it ’til it’s tender enough to let the juices run down yer chin?’ Says Bill Bucket.

‘WOOF’ says BOOF.

Now BOOF loves Bill and Bill loves BOOF, 

but if Bill has to decide between beef in his belly 

or beef in BOOF’s belly, 

let’s say Bill’s belly wins each time.

‘Mmmmm, succulent,’ say Bill to BOOF, 

‘cooked to perfection too.’ 

BOOF watches and listens to Bill, 

he pays no regard to what Bill says as BOOF’s vocabulary is limited to ‘WOOF’. 

It’s the smell that slowly drives his mind far from the ‘Man’s best friend’ 

he’s supposed to be. 

When BOOF drools it juggles out either side of his mouth

like congealed mucus running down an infants face with a case of the common cold.

BOOF’s control of salivation … lost. 

This past week BOOF’s been relegated to dry kibble.

Who even wants to nibble, dry kibble? 

Big dog BOOF needs something to get his teeth into.

Chow and chomp, that’s what he wants.  

Bill Bucket’s belly is nelly burstin’ at the brim. 

BOOF watches on, sanity wearin’ thin. 

There’s a little thing called hope, 

BOOF calls on each night.

To get a piece if beef, in his belly aw’right. 

Hope’s away, she’s playing hide and seek.

Taking matters into his own hands BOOF creeps.

BOOF leaps, while the cheek is still on the grill

It’s Bill Bucket’s beef!

Snatching it whole BOOF runs for the hills. 

Now Bill won't be a happy Bill chappy,

BOOF’s happy ‘as Bill eating beef!’

It’s lucky BOOF’s Bill’s best friend,

or he’d be out in the cold and wouldn't eat for a week.

KWP

Reviews

[Simran Kewlani]

I really am curious to know how you get these topics in mind. Do you have a pet dog?
I like the poem, it has humour, the two go very well together.

[emmajoy]

'When BOOF drools it juggles out either side of his mouth
like congealed mucus running down an infants face with a case of the common cold.
BOOF’s control of salivation … lost. '

At that stage was hurting so much, laughing so much.. you wretched E, you!!

You can and could write about anything (so far, not peace to the world in ten adamant phrases, however.. but knowing you.. .. .. ..!)

This post is truly marvellous, tells such a real tale, can near see the goings- on, even if diluted or veiled in part! You are the extreme writer, my dear long distant friend. Love you work, love you.. and thank you for dressing my today in hastily donned happiness! xx

[KWP]

and now that i think on it I have no idea where this sprang from - but some lucky soul around the world received this on the back of a postcard!!! hahahaha whatever will they think ... it seems most of their poems are so serious X

[Einstein Noodle]

Bill should be a little more charitable wif 'is be'f so Boof woodna 'af ta grub it from the bahby...;)
E.

[Tony Jordan]

The kernel, the soul — let us go further and say the substance, the bulk, the actual and valuable material of all human utterances — is plagiarism.
Love that quote. Its sooooo true.

Love this BOOF character - for they are all characters and I've also wandered how cruddy that dried food must taste, expecially considering that they get a lot of their water from their food. It's be like us chowing down vitamin pills and nothing else !!

This tale is funny and relatable. I saw a jack russel hop onto the glass of a pull down oven door to stick its head into the grill and snatch a sausage so by 'eck it must drive them mad to do such daredevil stunts. GOOD 'OLE BOOF !

[andrew mitchell]

this is so aussie in humour and wit, scary really we don't come across very bright in larrikin type tales lol.

[Davidgeo]

ha...hahah... you're clever. And amusing; well done.

I'd elaborate but it's Friday and I had to see turdman's plagirazing stolen valor face comment on this right before me so I'll have to pass on that for now. I'm in an angry frame of mind. (fyi... "stolen valor" is the American way to say he lies about his military service)

Yes... wordman... I still remember all the times you plagiarized poems and pretended to be a legit Army vet. You can block me... but I will always remind you and everyone you come into contact with just how pathetic and fake you really are.

Sorry about that Elizabeth... I just really hate people like that. I wouldn't hold it against if you deleted this comment. It is only marginally productive.

(seriously wordman/Ron Parrish, stop pretending you're a vet... it's very insulting to the real ones, treating our sacrifice as if it was just vanity. Have you no shame Ron Parrish the fake veteran?)

[wordman]

well i guess bill is upset with boof,maybe not a best friend any more...loved your story