Angst Awaiting The Crescendo

He watched her in her deepest sleep,
whispered ….

’Hey lover,
the yearning for a simple caress
runs deeper than the darkest void.
Intensely, I ache, for you.

Consume myself in craving
to satiate your every last tendril of
breath, heartbeat, lustful passion.

The only quench
to my incessant thirst
is you.

Allow me to
sip you, devour you, exhaust you, enter you where
we shall dine together
on cornucopia delicacies
of devoted reverence.

Embrace my nakedness
as I embrace yours,
and we shall further unmask,
wade through inmost essence to
reveal truest form
of original abandon absolute.

Allow me to taste you
as you drip with intensity.

Unfurl my lover, release.

Surrender yourself,
make welcome the upsurge of life within
awakening like the eye of a storm in you.
Allow me to be the raging wind accompanying
your tirade of actualising frenzy.

Together let us create
a crescendo,
an alliance,
a gathered unison of
rhythm universal,
celestial impressions,
etching itself like a pairing in our souls.

Let us create our own explosion
with the intention delivering only bliss
oh,
the bliss…

All for you.

But for now, my love,
hard as it is not to wake you -

I shall watch you in your deepest sleep
and ravage you in the morning.’ 

Author's Note

This was a challenge where I had to start the poem with 'He watched her in her deepest sleep.'

I am trying to enhance my imagery ...

Reviews

[sinNsincerity]

Bliss indeed that made me chuckle with warmth and joy.
This was dead nice!
I would wake the lover up hehe

[Nicolás Cardona]

The potent sensuality of this poem carries it along quite well. Great title as well. I especially loved the 9th and 10th strophes( the lines running from "Surrender yourself..." through " etching itself like a pairing in our souls.") Your tasteful use of words to express images and scenes that in less talented, or else, less subdued hands could easily fall into crass pornographic images. You did very well with this one.

[Alessander]

funny that you said you had to start with "He watched her.." because I was gonna suggest to get rid of that line lol I mean, the poem really starts with "hey lover".

And maybe it's cultural, but in the states, Hey lover is a bit playful, or casual, which doesn't quite match the rest of the poem's intensity. Maybe a simple change like "My love" to match the tone of the rest.

You do a really good job of balancing the line between soft porn, erotica and poetry.

If I had to label this, I would say it fits more into the "ecstatic" mold, like an expressionist painting, very passionate and while the content is based on the physical, the diction points to the ethereal. (Essence, frenzy, soul, bliss, universal...perhaps an extension of the 'dripping' and "explosion'). The sexual innuendo beling every stanza tantalizing without being too overt.

But as always, the problem with "ecstatic" poems is like you say, imagery. It's hard to convey "bliss" and "celestial impressions" in more concrete terms, so if you're trying to enhance your imagery, maybe use a few more metaphors/similes/ (like the eye of the storm is one, but that's a bit overused) to balance out the more abtract?

Just a suggestion since you put that in your note.

Nice passionate read. I feel like smoking a cig now lol

[KWP]

What a fabulous review ... Thanks so much for taking your time with these bunch of thoughts ... You have certainly made me stop and think and you have raised excellent points. mOre of it I say and thanks again X

[Ruth]

Oh sweet Goddess! How beautifully warm and vibrant...tangible and gave my winter morning a shimmer :) This really is gorgeous love xo

[KWP]

thanks beautiful you X

[daninstockholm]

oh myyy so very hot,, sensual and gentle, but full of passion,, very well done. There is an error in the 5th line , probably a typo. I only mention it because you take the same amount of pride in your work that I do, and I'd be happy if you told me, so I'm guessing the reverse is true too, At any rate, like I said,, love it!!

[KWP]

found it - thank you X

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Beautiful poem, KWP, sensual and tender, love the choice of words and the feelings you describe. Well done. :) Rudi

[David Scott]

Just wake the bloke up! He will not be upset. I assure you! Ha.
Such passion. Love it every moment you can.
Lovely write.

[KWP]

see at the top where it said he :) I have no doubt than a man would have looooovvvveeeeedddd to be woken up in such a fashion .... but a man watching a sleeping woman .... well there may be a whole lot of wroth on the other end of that wake-up if he wakes a woman .... hahahahahaha .... even with the promise of a happy ending all round ;)

[David Scott]

Well, I assumed you were projecting... Oh, I know better... Believe me. Ha.

[Lydia Shutter]

Filled with powerful passion and desire, your words are elegantly written. Wonderful flow of thought. Lydi**

[R Smith]

your imagery is perfect, I danced with every line, beautiful writing Bossette :) May take a break here so hope to see you on F/B X

[MAC]

you enhanced your imagery quite nicely, me thinks! challenge or not, you drew from love and it shows this reader a very passionate heart. an amazing write dear poet.