The Fine Art Of Leaving Without A Trace

thoughts welcomed XXX

Leave a lasting impression they say 

I think not 

Instead perhaps 

I shall leave as I came 

owing nothing to this world.

I am the crystallised icicle liquefying, 

drip, drop

on a heated, sun filled pre-spring day 

I am the spring blossom exploding with vitality 

waiting to collapse and shrivel away 

I am the trickle in the river of eternity 

embracing the ebb and the flow

I am the tear-drop on your cheek my love 

soon I shall evaporate and go

I am the placid breeze just fleeting through 

kissing at life without a trace 

I am the folds within the everywhen 

and it is evanescence I embrace 

I am the rabbit in the magician's hat  - 

Poof! - I am no more

As I imprint my essence upon a distant wave 

never to be washed ashore ....

Author's Note

this was the task:


Developing the Focused Image System

Write a poem in which you limit all of your figures of speech refer to a general thematic unity—perhaps they’re all insect-related, all engineering principles, or connected to desert ecologies.

Reviews

[daninstockholm]

very nicely done!!

I am the river in eternity

embracing the ebb and the flow


I am the tear-drop on your cheek my love

and soon I shall evaporate and go



Two themes that resonate well with both of us, love, and impermenance,, now-ness and forever,, i think you hit the mark yet again!

[KWP]

cheers D - so happy you enjoyed this one - I like it too - with a little more work it could be polished X

[daninstockholm]

I am the tear-drop on your cheek my love

and soon I shall evaporate and go
read moreI am the tear-drop on your cheek my love

and soon I shall evaporate and go


lovely and melancholy!

[wordman]

dam girl,you are so smart ! i believe you hit that mark.

[Willard Wells]

Don't know if you completed the task, but a very nice work. Very well done.

[Gee]

Very well done.No way could I write to a given theme,and as for the Focused Image System.....not a clue.Anyway,back to the caveman,his wife and their night of passion.Never happened.Poor old hunter gatherer was scoffed by a hungry sabre toothed tiger.Mrs Cave had to make do with an aptly shaped root vegetable !!!!!NEXT.....

[KWP]

ha - and there's your theme right there :) now hand me you club ! Go fetch us some dinner - i will make a fire :)

oh and thanks so much for reading X

[cycy]

very well done dear. you did it justice, it can be very hard to write when you are trying to focus on a specific theme or set but you did it very well, and the structure and flow is also brilliant. it adds more flavour to the piece and made it that much more beautiful, keep trying new things and experimenting, as a writer i think its good to always evolve and change around, try different styles. lovely.

[R Smith]

Briilliant!!!!!!! I'm keeping you in my library Bossette, fantastic poem! maybe your best in my humble opinion, you can be all those things and more but you'll always be a great writer so you aint escaping this place un-noticed Aussie chick

'I am the crystallised icicle liquefying
on a heated, sun filled pre-spring day '

I'd be there to catch each precious drop, keep them in a bottle so we all know you were here, gotta love ya Oz queen XXX

[KWP]

aww shicks and shucks boss - so glad you like this one - doing a course - this part is on Conceite in Metaphors - getting my head round it slow - like real slow XX

[AaronFreitas]

I really like it... definitely a unique write as far as the task. I enjoyed your descriptions :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and the thematic unity for me is....i don't care if anyone remembers me...but there will be a wave out there somewhere with my impression on it...and that is enough for me, because i know i was here and that is all that matters.