The Delicacies of Now

trying to get my head around my weakness of the metaphor ...

let us eat mango 

so juice dribbles down our chin 

like a honeyed waterfall 

escaping the forever swallowed confines

lets laugh so hard 

the annihilation of our tears 

pelt down upon our bellies 

assailing us with coiled spasms

sidelining any form of speech

let us witness each sunrise and

gasp and chew our way into the backdrop of the eternal

which shall amply furnish our requirement to be 

stricken and struck in unison

by the screaming moment

let us get caught in the rain 

have our bodies embrace the every droplet 

of ‘giveaway’, ‘free for all’ refreshments

for all alive, alert and aware beings on earth

let us love ’til it hurts, then love some more

experience the full force of a an out of control train with no breaks 

the woosh of the wind and swoosh of the now unpackaged emotions

let us derail, watch as our bodies plummet through the air, crash, burn,

then, take a breath and come back in askance of more

let us make love 

real love, with real devotion 

where we are together stitched into the pulsating current 

in the bursting at gusset river of vitality that 

pushes ever so rhythmically towards the crescendo 

where we shall meet in person the final rapturous release 

ahhhh release, in the ocean of fervent frenzy 

before ripples in the waves return to calm

or

let us 

simply 

be in the 

now

Reviews

[Inject Positivity]

For me this poem can teach so many possibilities of life and will have a long lasting effect on someone's better life......Thank you Elizabeth Mam for the poem.....

[Daniel Thomas Andrew Da..]

A poem which embraces the possibilities of life.

[ANTO]

"...where we are together stitched into the pulsating current in the bursting at gusset river of vitality " - simply amazing - on another level - poetry KwP.
Top of your game here. :D

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Beautiful love poem about love and making love, KWP. Great, great use of metaphors. Love it. :) Rudi

[B. Boileau]

I see no weakness in metaphors here. You've penned vivid images
pushing ever so rhythmically towards the crescendo.
We'll done !

[RomaJ]

Your words make me want to soar above the clouds. Shout upon a mountaintop, arms outstretched...It is good to be alive! Haha I love this piece! ah, the taste of a mango. Brilliantly done.

[DirectTangent]

Another eye-catching piece.

Comes across to me as tactile, tasting, nerve-teasing, visceral.

I have a notion that you might find useful constructive comments off which you may bounce your intentions to see if they create anything different for you. To that end:
- What are your thoughts of replacing “sidelining” with “defeating” (as “assailing” is positioned directly above).
- What are your thoughts to a minor revision of
“the whoosh of the wind and swoosh of the now unpackaged emotions” to something like
“the whoosh of the wind buffeting (or pummeling or the like) the now unpackaged emotions” or
“the whoosh of the wind bursting against now unpackaged emotions”.

The ending is a nice twist following such a sensory experience - a getting to bare essentials moment. The second to the last verse is such an endorphin crescendo, it really sets up the final verse beautifully.

You have the enviable knack.

[KWP]

hey you - thanks everso for your thoughts - I had i fact already altered this poem - please read and tell me what you think of the new shortened version ;0


let us eat mango

and enjoy the explosion of juice depositing

honey trails of effervescent candy drops

rolling from our mouths to

skydive from our chins

let us giggle and gaggle and burst our bellies with laughter

let us bear witness to such nonsensical bemusment it

induces an ignition of annilating tears to

pelt down upon our bellies

reigning us with a shower of whoopified mirth

let us love ’til it hurts so bad

we become pleasantly caught in the spin-cycle of passion

laundering each other with touches so intimate

we drip-dry kissing each other’s souls within the breeze

or

let us

simply

together

be in the

now

[DirectTangent]

For whatever my opinion may be worth, I think both renditions of your piece stand on their own merit, but I am drawn to your first piece by the sheer sensory, neural-impulse, action-potential quality. It quickens the breath.

I did not experience that as much with the revision. While I appreciate the creativity of inserting the metaphors taken from a cleansing task, for me there wasn't the same leaning-forward-in-the-chair with it that I had in the original version. Both are nice, but I am taken with the first.

Just my two cents.

[KWP]

I find it always to be quite fantastic that other people's opinions can help one learn so much and go deeper ... thank you so much for your thoughts X

[Autumn Lyric]

Good flow and excellent verbiage! you did a good job on this work..

[daninstockholm]

ahhh,, now you know I'm going to love this,, and you're quite right!! excellent call to passion without artificial limitations, without the all-invasive "I", but here, now, and all that we know, superb!!

[cycy]

or let us simply be in the now
-beautiful poem,very well written.