I Wonder if I Can Call it an Escape?

.... a little touch of self clarity ....

Hello…..

Hello, can anybody hear me?

I am standing here on the other side of this damned Freight Train. It is a Freight Train of Thought.

I have been waiting for it to pass me by, but it doesn’t seem to end. 

It is unbearably loud on this side. The Freight Train of Thought is screaming and screeching its way past in a heck of a commotion. I cannot understand anything in this cacophony of noise and motion.

Every so often I am offered a glimpse of the other side. Only when the Freight Train of Thought has no baggage on its carriage. Then I can see. The briefest moment of ….. well, I don’t even know how to describe it ….. Kind of like clarity over there. 

It doesn’t seem busy. It doesn’t seem hectic. 

Not at all like the Freight Train of Thought.

Ah, although I try I cannot make out much in the tiny glimpses. From what I do see though, I desire to be there, on the other side of this train line.

Why is there no end to this Freight Train of Thought? 

WHEN I WAS A KID I USED TO COUNT THE CARRIAGES ON FREIGHT TRAINS. ALWAYS IN AWE AT HOW THEY WERE SO LONG. THEY SEEMED TP GO ON FOREVER AND EVER.

OH - SORRY FOR SHOUTING BUT THIS DAMN FREIGHT TRAIN OF THOUGHT IS DROWNING OUT ALL SENSIBILITY FROM MY BODY, MIND AND SOUL.

I have been standing and observing this Freight Train of Thought for so long I have forgotten how long I have been here. The past seems far away and the future does not exist. It is just me and this damn Freight Train of Thought. 

I can no longer tell if is speeding up or slowing down. It’s all a blur. I am still here though, on the other side, observing each carriage of the Freight Train of Thought pass me by. 

You may think to yourself I say ‘Freight Train of Thought ‘ a lot. Well, you are not wrong there. But you must understand. The damn thing is incessant in each and every way! The noise, the erratic motion, the clatter, clatter, clatter along the tracks leading into goodness knows where. This Freight Train of Thought is making me crazy I tell you.

Right then. I have come to the conclusion there is no end to this Freight Train of Thought. I believe it flows on into infinity, going and going and going without a finish. I must accept there is no beginning and no end to it - for I did not bare witness to the Freight Train of Thought leaving the station. At some point, I joined in on the whirlwind of passing carriages. I became quite swept up by each them at first. Wondering what they contained, worrying about their passage, trying to identify with each, doubting their structure, ridiculing each one. For what I ask myself?

Why am I so concerned about this Freight Train of Thought? Why do I feel I am being held in bondage to it? Why am I allowing it to be master of my mind? 

Somehow I need to, in fact, it is imperative I start tuning out from the Freight Train of Thought.

I set my focus once more on the other side. 

Ah - Vast, open, light cascading from every direction - gone. 

The Freight Train of Thought is not going to release its hold so easily. I am smacked right in the head with a new vision of multi-coloured carriages. A distraction no less. Colours so bright I attempt  to look past only to chance another small glimpse of what lay on the other side. No. The more I try to place my vision beyond, on the other side, the less I see. I become dazzled by the brightness and confused at the increasing speed. 

I stop. Close my eyes. Shut out the world. 

The noise continues to filter into my everywhen. The continual hummmm from the Freight Train of Thought is consuming me and remains a confusing annoyance. 

I seal my eyes shut. Nothing of the outside can pry its way in. I begin to think.

You know I was staring outward at The Freight Train of Thought for such a long time, days, months, years even. Stuck in one place trying to figure out how I could look and perhaps even get myself to the other side. I forgot everything else.

I forgot the most important rule of all. 

I forgot to look inside. No, not inside the Freight Train of Thought. Heaven knows it traveled too fast to venture a peek in anyway. No, no inside of me.

Eyes remain closed. I exhale into eternity.

And then, I see it. 

A glimpse. A tiny, wee, fragmented, little baby glimpse. Within that glimpse was something familiar. 

It is not at all busy. It is not at all hectic.

Within a flash, it is gone. Something on the outside diverts my attention. Is it a horn, a warning bell?Trying to distract me again no doubt. I refuse to go back to the outside. Not yet, no. I let go of the horns and bells, listen to them go. Gone. 

I peer deeper inside myself. The further I look the more I see. It reminds me of a flower opening to greet and bask in the morning sun. 

Just like the Freight Train of Thought, everything inside me here is in constant motion, although it is a different kind of motion. There is nothing at all hectic, erratic or frantic about it. No. 

It is quite the opposite. 

A duck floating on a lake so still with the morning mist dissipating skyward.

A fresh dawn on a new day in a cloudless sky.

An icicle melting drop by drop after chilled winter months.

A gentle breeze caressing my face in the sun, the breath of earth waltzing its way around my features, continuing on, continuing on.

What has struck me here, is the serenity. There is no friction, no fighting, nothing grating up against anything. It is most unlike the clack, clack, rattle, rattle, boom, boom, ring, ring, chatter, chatter of the unrelenting barrage the Freight Train of Thought bought with it. No.

Everything in constant motion, all I see, hear, smell, feel is harmonised. An infinite expanse of serenity. An all encompassing warmth. An aroma of love. A lullaby laced in peace.

Welcome is how I feel. Although there is no fanfare for my arrival. I do however feel an embrace. Yes, it is an embrace from this state of, well it can only be called the everywhen. 

Buoyed along, carried, floating. 

As I hold my hands out in front of me to return the embrace of love I notice I have lost the vision of where my fingertips finish and where this expanse of everywhen begins. I laugh for ordinarily I suppose I should be worried about such a circumstance. But no. I feel no need to worry here. 

No longer do I feel any kind of separation, of body, of self, of mind.

I laugh again at the absurdity and now I cannot even remember what the absurdity is I should be laughing at. I feel complete. Ironically, the more complete I feel I know I have just become part of something bigger.  Complete as I am I am now just another tiny piece of constant motion. I am deep in pulsing through. 

Bursting with life and yet free from being shackled to the only thing I ever knew. 

The unrelenting, barrage, clackity, clack, clack Freight Train of Thought.

Author's Note

give it to me - hit me with ya best shot XX

Reviews

[Gerry Legister]

I am enjoying this, it is delightful to read

[KWP]

Hey Gerry - thanks for the read - glad you like - I just read one of your poems - we seem to travel the same path XX

[Mitali Shah]

Simply fantastic KWP. Frieght train of your thoughts is something I guess many go through it yet can not express the episode as you did dear. This one is truly a master piece and delight to read. :) Thanks for sharing dear.

[Einstein Noodle]

well ... there are a couple mini minor typos ;)
your write has inspired a whole lot of memories .. the most insistent one is of (a long long time ago) (no this is not a fairie tale) ... i rode a freight train for 3 days and 2 nights .. and i will tell you ... that clickety clack and rockity bangity motion is non erasable .. for a while there i was going to give it to you for planting that eternal driven train in my brain ...like a song one can't stop singing to themselves .. then i got to this line:
"You may think to yourself I say ‘Freight Train of Thought ‘ a lot. Well, you are not wrong there." and i had to smile .. it broke the spell a bit ... at the end of reading i am reminded of that very precise moment in a silent place that i realized ... all that noise is in my head .. i let go and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh breathing now! ;) thanks for the ride KWP!
E.

[KWP]

minor typo's ??? Me ??? Nevaaaaaaa!!!!

well I must say it is a delight to see you E - you warm my heart every time you pop on by - yay - and thanks for reading - :) yeah you know me - always trying to articulate my meditations - getting a little better at it (like tiny wee baby steps better) each time...

so after what you told me I was reminded of this ...

http://www.rsvlts.com/2014/01/10/teenage-train-hitchhiker/

and I thought someone such as yourself would appreciate it ... I love it ... I spells out freedom ... what were you doing on that Freight Train anyway ..?

LOVE LOVE LOVE YA XX

[Einstein Noodle]

yes honey ... have to tell you the truth .. you have mini-minors that need adjustment ;)
love you too! big big really do!
ahh .. what was I doing on the freight? ... its a (modestly saying) wonderful story (at least for me) ... suffice it to say that we needed to get from there to here :))) ..
will you meditate with me right now .... now... now.... arrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh!
:)

[KWP]

oh yes please - right now - I am with ya XX

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ...........

[emmajoy]

Thought really, truly, takes the Being into the oddest and most beautiful places, doesn't it! And in this long extraordinary write, you've shown so much of yourself, fact or fiction.. the Being shines, the imagination soars!

I often see Thought as a naughty child, peeping into places that aren't wholly suitable. Seems to me that this is how you feel, think.. stretching your belief and view of life and consequently train of ... '.. I am smacked right in the head with a new vision of multi-coloured carriages. A distraction no less. Colours so bright I attempt to look past only to chance another small glimpse of what lay on the other side. No.' You juggle that train of thought, analyse it with gentle wit and open.mindedness, '..and now I cannot even remember what the absurdity is I should be laughing at. I feel complete.. '

This is a wonderful piece of writing.. shows so much of a mind at work without desperation but determination. I like that attitude! Mornin'!

[sereenaoutloud]

oh i love how your mind works my wee Kitkat....dam freight trains always getting in the way or side swiping us!! lol

Such a great write that really gets the reader thinking!

[andrew mitchell]

What an epic well thought write KWP. Absolutely riveting. So clever, profound! Your best best ever for me. Amazing write! I've been hit by a freight train of thought!! Full Impact!!

[KWP]

Ahh hello Aussie - thanks for stopping by - hope all is well and not to cold doe where you are at - glad you enjoyed - made my morning X

[andrew mitchell]

its wet and cold with the fire going full steam ahead.

[KWP]

oh well that sounds rather cosy - may as well spend the day writing - or go back to bed XX

[AaronFreitas]

I really like this write! "Hello, can anybody hear me?
I am standing here on the other side of this damned Freight Train of Thought."
I really love those thoughts and the way this write started. It really set
the tone for the rest of the write. Awesome job!

[KWP]

Hello Aaron... are you there? Can you hear me ...... ?

Oh well anyway thank you my friend for jumping off that damned train to come chat with me - saved me from myself - if only momentarily XX

[AaronFreitas]

haha always a pleasure my friend :) I'm always here ;)

[Valentine]

I really like the first half. When the shouting line came in it was less interesting to me. Valentine

[KWP]

*laughing and thank you for you honesty - love that X

[Valentine]

Have to be honest, Christ lives in me. Have a great week end. Kathie

[KWP]

you too my friend XXX LOVE XXX

[wordman]

makes you wonder whats on the other side of your mind

[KWP]

my mind is too big - I may never know XX hehehe

[Basu Gupta]

worth reading.
that title really snatched my attention.
s powerful words and relating thoughts.
thanks for sharing.. loved going through

[KWP]

oh hello Basu - thanks I am glad you thought it was worth reading - that made me smile - cheers for stopping by X