I Wonder if I Can Call it an Escape?

.... a little touch of self clarity ....

Hello…..

Hello, can anybody hear me?

I am standing here on the other side of this damned Freight Train. It is a Freight Train of Thought.

I have been waiting for it to pass me by, but it doesn’t seem to end. 

It is unbearably loud on this side. The Freight Train of Thought is screaming and screeching its way past in a heck of a commotion. I cannot understand anything in this cacophony of noise and motion.

Every so often I am offered a glimpse of the other side. Only when the Freight Train of Thought has no baggage on its carriage. Then I can see. The briefest moment of ….. well, I don’t even know how to describe it ….. Kind of like clarity over there. 

It doesn’t seem busy. It doesn’t seem hectic. 

Not at all like the Freight Train of Thought.

Ah, although I try I cannot make out much in the tiny glimpses. From what I do see though, I desire to be there, on the other side of this train line.

Why is there no end to this Freight Train of Thought? 

WHEN I WAS A KID I USED TO COUNT THE CARRIAGES ON FREIGHT TRAINS. ALWAYS IN AWE AT HOW THEY WERE SO LONG. THEY SEEMED TP GO ON FOREVER AND EVER.

OH - SORRY FOR SHOUTING BUT THIS DAMN FREIGHT TRAIN OF THOUGHT IS DROWNING OUT ALL SENSIBILITY FROM MY BODY, MIND AND SOUL.

I have been standing and observing this Freight Train of Thought for so long I have forgotten how long I have been here. The past seems far away and the future does not exist. It is just me and this damn Freight Train of Thought. 

I can no longer tell if is speeding up or slowing down. It’s all a blur. I am still here though, on the other side, observing each carriage of the Freight Train of Thought pass me by. 

You may think to yourself I say ‘Freight Train of Thought ‘ a lot. Well, you are not wrong there. But you must understand. The damn thing is incessant in each and every way! The noise, the erratic motion, the clatter, clatter, clatter along the tracks leading into goodness knows where. This Freight Train of Thought is making me crazy I tell you.

Right then. I have come to the conclusion there is no end to this Freight Train of Thought. I believe it flows on into infinity, going and going and going without a finish. I must accept there is no beginning and no end to it - for I did not bare witness to the Freight Train of Thought leaving the station. At some point, I joined in on the whirlwind of passing carriages. I became quite swept up by each them at first. Wondering what they contained, worrying about their passage, trying to identify with each, doubting their structure, ridiculing each one. For what I ask myself?

Why am I so concerned about this Freight Train of Thought? Why do I feel I am being held in bondage to it? Why am I allowing it to be master of my mind? 

Somehow I need to, in fact, it is imperative I start tuning out from the Freight Train of Thought.

I set my focus once more on the other side. 

Ah - Vast, open, light cascading from every direction - gone. 

The Freight Train of Thought is not going to release its hold so easily. I am smacked right in the head with a new vision of multi-coloured carriages. A distraction no less. Colours so bright I attempt  to look past only to chance another small glimpse of what lay on the other side. No. The more I try to place my vision beyond, on the other side, the less I see. I become dazzled by the brightness and confused at the increasing speed. 

I stop. Close my eyes. Shut out the world. 

The noise continues to filter into my everywhen. The continual hummmm from the Freight Train of Thought is consuming me and remains a confusing annoyance. 

I seal my eyes shut. Nothing of the outside can pry its way in. I begin to think.

You know I was staring outward at The Freight Train of Thought for such a long time, days, months, years even. Stuck in one place trying to figure out how I could look and perhaps even get myself to the other side. I forgot everything else.

I forgot the most important rule of all. 

I forgot to look inside. No, not inside the Freight Train of Thought. Heaven knows it traveled too fast to venture a peek in anyway. No, no inside of me.

Eyes remain closed. I exhale into eternity.

And then, I see it. 

A glimpse. A tiny, wee, fragmented, little baby glimpse. Within that glimpse was something familiar. 

It is not at all busy. It is not at all hectic.

Within a flash, it is gone. Something on the outside diverts my attention. Is it a horn, a warning bell?Trying to distract me again no doubt. I refuse to go back to the outside. Not yet, no. I let go of the horns and bells, listen to them go. Gone. 

I peer deeper inside myself. The further I look the more I see. It reminds me of a flower opening to greet and bask in the morning sun. 

Just like the Freight Train of Thought, everything inside me here is in constant motion, although it is a different kind of motion. There is nothing at all hectic, erratic or frantic about it. No. 

It is quite the opposite. 

A duck floating on a lake so still with the morning mist dissipating skyward.

A fresh dawn on a new day in a cloudless sky.

An icicle melting drop by drop after chilled winter months.

A gentle breeze caressing my face in the sun, the breath of earth waltzing its way around my features, continuing on, continuing on.

What has struck me here, is the serenity. There is no friction, no fighting, nothing grating up against anything. It is most unlike the clack, clack, rattle, rattle, boom, boom, ring, ring, chatter, chatter of the unrelenting barrage the Freight Train of Thought bought with it. No.

Everything in constant motion, all I see, hear, smell, feel is harmonised. An infinite expanse of serenity. An all encompassing warmth. An aroma of love. A lullaby laced in peace.

Welcome is how I feel. Although there is no fanfare for my arrival. I do however feel an embrace. Yes, it is an embrace from this state of, well it can only be called the everywhen. 

Buoyed along, carried, floating. 

As I hold my hands out in front of me to return the embrace of love I notice I have lost the vision of where my fingertips finish and where this expanse of everywhen begins. I laugh for ordinarily I suppose I should be worried about such a circumstance. But no. I feel no need to worry here. 

No longer do I feel any kind of separation, of body, of self, of mind.

I laugh again at the absurdity and now I cannot even remember what the absurdity is I should be laughing at. I feel complete. Ironically, the more complete I feel I know I have just become part of something bigger.  Complete as I am I am now just another tiny piece of constant motion. I am deep in pulsing through. 

Bursting with life and yet free from being shackled to the only thing I ever knew. 

The unrelenting, barrage, clackity, clack, clack Freight Train of Thought.

Author's Note

give it to me - hit me with ya best shot XX

Reviews

[Taylor]

You have described a spiritual process that is grounded in our collective clay feet. Is it nirvana? Whatever we name it, it is the quest that we all conduct, some more successfully than others. I enjoyed being taken along on the journey. You have delivered a fine piece of writing. Many thanks.

[KWP]

hey there Taylor - thank you for taking the time to read and comment - happy you like it I am - and oh to calm the mind to see into the sweet spots of the everywhen if only for a moment X

[stansg]

OK, i think I've said this a couple of times before; I'm a big fan.
Freight Train of Thought is an amazing piece of work and i can relate to it very well, its unending it drives you crazy.
I have one question for you, how do I stop looking at that damned freight train and start looking into myself?

[KWP]

oh that's easy - just enter the space at the end of every breath :)

hey nice to see you - it's been ages - thanks so much for your thoughts - much much appreciated XX

[stansg]

Yeah its been a long time. Had been running around a lot for my bread and butter, didn't get much time to read or write.

[KWP]

yes well ... it happens I know ... :) good thing is your writing will always be with you X

[Terry O'Leary]

An intense study of introspection... wonderfully spelt out...
Somehow, reading it felt like being on a train... on many tracks simultaneously!

Very nice work!

[Border]

Laying our ghosts to rest, is the biggest favour one can do to oneself.
The empty mental noise, unrelenting and seamless, occupies our minds, that is haunted by our own self created fears and anxieties. This is the goods train ( this is what we call freight train in india) running in our minds.
The author brings it our nicely, the transition from mental turmoil to serene peace.

The way the author has described the goods train passing by, took be back to my childhood when these huge beasts used to thunder by, for a minute, stopping all thought, completely mesmerised by this mammoth machine.
I read this poem 5 times to get the gist of it and analysed every single word and pause to delve into the beautiful mind of the poetess.

[Border]

I was so engrossed in the poem and writing the comments, that i wrongly recharged some lucky fellows mobile phone online, instead of recharging my daughters mobile. Ha Ha Ha.
Nice writing.
Moral of the story. Do not multi-task.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Definitely thought provoking. The analogy of the freight train is good as it represents all the intrusions we face in our daily life, all the worries and problems, decisions and emotions (maybe a roller-coaster of thought next?). It seems you are describing a form of meditation that leads you to serenity. It is possible it could have been said in a less repetitive and shorter piece?
one typo:
THEY SEEMED TO GO ON FOREVER AND EVER.

[KWP]

thanks John - oh yes it is possible I could have said yes in a shorter piece - but as with thoughts - you just can't turn this piece off ;) XX

[~]

Well, it seems that the train kept going and did not get off track, and you are safe and sound to record this experience.
:D

[KWP]

Yes and the damn thing is still going ... Hey beautiful ... What a delight to see your gorgeous face X

[~]

it's good that it's going. we would not want it otherwise :D
xo

[Athena Marie]

Enjoyed your use of imagery. Almost tangible. I can relate to your subject!

[KWP]

thanks so much for stopping by chick - much appreciated X

[Rikkevi Rue]

btw. i think you're very creative and original

[KWP]

Btw I am glad you stopped by you are no less than an inspiration yourself X

[Rikkevi Rue]

A hobo i am, and the train flys is the train i ride, of there to the next stop a plan, where the light shines down from a different angle, and the voices ring with a different tune. we stop at night and rest sometimes, and one side of the track is as different from the other side as the this town was from the last. they roll out from the stations across the land, and so go south and some go north, some east and some west, and every one has many cars. one feels a might more comfortable sleeping with the baggage that sleeping with the steerage, but the variety of experiences in life open up new horizons. once i saw a lady standing aside the track, and she was staring into the train or perhaps straining to see what was on the other side. i waved but she didn't seem to see me for she peered far into another world, but wanted to send her the message that the fields of her town were beautiful, and the land that stretched out behind her was proud and wide, and somewhere across the expanse, there was another train heading off to a different place. i'd wished i could reach a hand out and pull her up aboard, just so she could have the experience of looking back at her old self standing there by the train as it rolled away. the beauty of it is, you can always just hop another freighter and ride back when you feel like it!

[KWP]

How divine ... I hope you pass her again ... She may be ready next time ;-) .... Beautiful my friend X

[Rikkevi Rue]

Well I saw her walking through the meadows alongside the tracks, absentmindedly swirling a wildflower and seemingly lost in thought, but perhaps she was peering deeply into some revelation un-obvious to the anonymous observer wondering about the particulars of her world :)

[KWP]

I know that girl you know - she kisses the breeze and makes love to life itself - but - every so often she drifts away from the here the now - she knows there is no need to do this of course - but she does drift - she still has many questions - even though she knows she is home - she still has not idea just how to board that Freight Train of thought to make her way up to the engine room and turn it off once and for all - she knows also then - when the train has stopped - she shall go and meet her waving friend - for she has a picnic for them to share whilst they discuss journeys traveled, adventures had and lives already lived - - - X

[Rikkevi Rue]

lol! wonderful thought my friend! Perhaps however you should go the engineer booth and simply take control of the train, and journey around in it where you wish. The "noise of the mind" is such excellent fodder for the likes of we writers. Why not embrace and exploit it? Perhaps that is tantamount to just going ahead and renting the hooker on the corner and giving in to all ones baser desires, but I think it more like the ancient magical minstrel who took all the evils of the court (and believe me there were many!) and turned them into song. Some of the songs were sad, but many were raucous and humorous and turned the plots and intrigues of the ill-intended nobility on their ears! My point dear is that you are a superbly talented and able writer, and you could harness the more damnable aspects of your demons and ascend to a greater height! That is my wish for you, I see an admirable and discerning capability in you which deserves to be exploited :)

[MsJewel]

So creative and clever. "Freight Train of Thought" - I like the way your mind works. Truly a brilliant piece.

:) Julie

[KWP]

thanks Julie - I appreciate your read - especially considering it's 'Train Like' length ;) XX Much LOVE X